I don’t want my in laws to hold my baby, AIBU

You are so incredibly unreasonable

I really hope that I can cuddle my grandchildren when/if they come. Babies are so much more chilled when used to being passed for cuddles. I’m so thankful my nephews parents were happy for us to be involved and let us build a relationship from an early stage. I hate this overprotectiveness that seems to be the norm on mn. Many of us don’t get lots of opportunities to hold little babies, it’s precious and I never understand the selfish approach in the guise of boundaries.

Just realised you have a three year old as well, so this is not PFB anxiety. Maybe speak to someone who you trust , at your GP or via your Health
visitor. It could be that you are finding life hard atm with a baby and a toddler ( and Christmas!) and just need a bit of reassurance that things are fine.

Sorry OP, I think you're going too far on this one. I'm usually Team Mum but your anxiety is going to ruin relationships for you and your child going forward.

Get some mental health support otherwise you'll ruin your child's school year's with your unnatural obsession about germs. This is actually a mental health issue. Kids and schools are petri dishes, how are you going to cope? You need germs to build a strong immune system.

You need to recognise that what you're feeling isn't normal.
You must see babies out all the time with their grandparents surely? That's normal.

To not recognise the problem is with you not them, will do enormous damage to your relationship with your husband and his family.

You need to recognise that your anxiety is extreme and address that. Otherwise you are headed route one to never letting your children live a normal life.

I'm sorry but I agree with everyone else. You really need to get some help to get a grip on this or your life will be totally miserable. You can't keep your baby in a bubble where you never let anyone hold them or never let them get sick. Babies (and children) do get bugs and get ill from time to time but it actually helps them to build immunity.

I do understand you not wanting your baby to get the flu bug that is going round though. It will be totally miserable for a little one and not nice for you to see them that poorly so I do actually get that. However in general, you will go crazy trying to constantly shield them from germs. Once baby is crawling there will be no stopping them and nursery/school is a breeding ground for germs. So please get yourself some help to calm your anxiety around this. I feel for you. Anxiety sucks so I really hope you manage to get on top of this for everyone's sake. xx

YABU and if you cannot see that then you need to get some help for your anxiety . Your husbands relatives are your child’s family , your baby is your husbands as much as yours , besides which if you are that germ phobic why take your children to a pub in the first place

Try to remember that during this first year your baby is building up her immune system, something that you hope will keep her strong, well and healthy for her lifetime. She is also learning to respond socially with family who love her and to be confident with a wider range of people. By interacting with family members you are giving her so many positive experiences and opportunities.

This is meant kindly OP, but from your description I think your worries about germs and your behavioural responses to the worries (keep baby to yourself, don't let others hold her) might be indicative that you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) . The intrusive worrying thoughts are the obsessions and behavioural responses are the compulsions. Did you have difficulties like this before your babies were born or has it been since they came in to your life? I mean this kindly but I think you need to see your GP for help with this. It's not fair on your partner or family for them to be subject to your levels of anxiety, which are higher that usual for a mother to young baby.

Why are your “boundaries” more important than your husbands boundaries ? The child has 2 parents, and you need to respect his boundaries- which includes his family holding his child,

Fingers thing .. not sure what you think is going to happen there, my DN once pulled my hand towards her mouth and gummed a knuckle.

I thought this post was going to be about a premature newborn. At 4 months her immune system is developing well and she has had her initial vaccinations so sorry but you are being incredibly precious and overanxious and I agree with PPs that it would probably be worth seeking professional advice to help you manage this.

Have you sought any help for your germ phobia? Babies are pretty resilient and it won't be long before your baby is crawling and putting all sorts in their mouth. Mine use to chew on flip flops, eat mud, and other gross things. They are both happy and healthy teenagers now.

It's tough, but will get easier. It takes two years for your body to fully recovery from pregnancy and birth.

Your in-laws didn't do anything wrong, maybe a little ignorant with the coughing and hand holding. Was the aunt who held her close actually ill with the flu?

Wow , you are way ott . Get some help . Your poor in-laws .

Ah OP, I’m sorry but you are suffering from extreme anxiety and yes, I would imagine hormones are playing a role here.

and that’s absolutely fine and very common. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. What important is that you address it and you have taken this step of writing about it here, which is great.

Now that everyone is telling you here, is it something that you recognise?
I think you may have had some suspicions and that’s why you wrote the post.

I think you should speak to a professional in real life.

I agree with you on putting finger in babies mouth, and don’t get me wrong I didn’t want people kissing my newborn as he was in NICU for a little bit but

Sorry I do agree with others, reading your post was quite stressy and I think you need to reach out for some help with your anxiety xx

Golly. I've rarely seen a poll where it's 100% YABU.

I don't understand why you're so upset about this. YABU.

Anxiety or not - no I don’t want dirty fingers in their mouth!!

we sterilise bottles and dummies for a reason!

I think you are being a little silly too. I do understand about the fingers in her mouth as that is pretty grim and I don’t know why she would do that but the other stuff is just normal!

You sound like you might have PND. Have a chat with your GP or HV.

I think you need some help with your anxiety about germs. Realistically your baby will soon crawl and will put everything in their mouths. They will mix with other children. Unless you are planning on wrapping your baby in plastic all their live then they will pick up germs and get ill. It's normal and how babies build up their immune system. If you were like that with dd1 then it's not all together surprisingly that your inlaws don't have a bond.

YABU. Get some help for your anxiety, because when nursery time arrives and they are little germ machines you will implode.

I’d be cross if someone put their fingers in baby’s mouth but otherwise, you are over-anxious.

You need to take responsibility and get help for your mental health issues. This isn’t normal or healthy and it isn’t fair for your children to grow up thinking it’s normal. Nor is it fair on your husband.

This is a YOU problem, not theirs. It’s perfectly normal for family to hold and play with children.

This might be something to discuss with a nurse or health visitor. It's quite a high level of anxiety...