Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your children prefer it if you didn't work?

183 replies

DonaldGumbo · 23/12/2024 07:55

this is not a benefit bashing thread

As I am rushing around, trying to do two more days at work, buy last minute presents, food shop, tidy the house for guests etc, a thought came to me.
I know a couple. Neither work due to various reasons. They have a very different life to me (they hardly do anything which costs any money). They have one child. Don't drive.
Their Christmas looks so chilled. No rushing. No big events. No trying to get to shops or carol services or ice skating. Just time with each other. No stressed mum barking at them.
Which made me think? If we asked our DC's would they choose their current way of life or more time with both parents? Imagine having both mum and dad pick you up and what a lovely relationship you could have with your children to both see them every day from half past three with no distractions. Would it be better for their mental health? Would it mean less relationship breakdown?
I am a single parent so this life would be very hard for me to achieve; but I think if I asked my kids would you give up our house, holidays, extracurricular activities, toys, devices, subscriptions etc to have me there every day and be less distracted, they would say yes!
I know I could cut my hours but it's not the same. My work is relentless and I'd end up doing it anyway and not getting paid.

OP posts:
Ineedanewsofa · 23/12/2024 08:11

Genuinely, I think they’d want whatever it is they don’t currently have. SAHP with a fairly simple, frugal life? They’ll wish there was more money for stuff, less supervision and more freedom.
Parent working full time? They’ll want that parent at home more and claim they don’t care about stuff.
It will also change as they get older, little ones want and need more from parents, bigger ones need a bit less and want even less than that.
Basically we can’t win, so let’s settle for whatever feels right most of the time!

Vettrianofan · 23/12/2024 08:10

DonaldGumbo · 23/12/2024 08:05

@Vettrianofan so would your DH give up work for you to be less stressed?

Nope, we need some form of income unfortunately. I have health issues so we can't swap around.

Original poster
DonaldGumbo · 23/12/2024 08:09

@northernballer I'm sort of wondering about the unique situation where both parents don't work, and take the necessary cut in terms of income and quality of life. Surviving on less than 2k per month for a family. Would your children think it was worth it?

OP posts:
Spaceid · 23/12/2024 08:08

No mine would not prefer that. We both work, but there are two of us to share the load, so there is no stress, no rushing about. We like doing things at the weekend, so sitting at home wouldn’t suit us. We like going on holidays, the security of owning our house, contributing to our pensions. We like our jobs and the satisfaction they give us. Working affords us the luxury of quality time together stress and hassle free so we would definitely not want to give that up.

Makelikeatreeandleaf · 23/12/2024 08:08

My mum didn't return to work until we were teenagers. I was always a bit embarrassed that she didn't work. I've said this on mn before and been told what a dreadful human I was, but I genuinely found it weird that other mums had a job and mine just cleaned the house all day. She was a much happier mum when she went back to work.

northernballer · 23/12/2024 08:07

I was a SAHM for 10 years and even now mine are all teenagers they don't like the days I have to go to the office as they find it stressful! I don't know what that tells you though, most people have to work to pay the bills.

Original poster
DonaldGumbo · 23/12/2024 08:05

@Vettrianofan so would your DH give up work for you to be less stressed?

OP posts:
Vettrianofan · 23/12/2024 08:03

I don't work, but DH does and no doubt its not as stressful as it could be if we both worked. I prep dinner during most school days and study part time too. I have 4dc though so I felt its best one of us is around at home. Ages 17 down to 7.