Would your children prefer it if you didn't work?

My son might prefer it if I didn't work but unless he gets a paper round that pays the same as my wages I'm not giving up work any time soon!
Mum guilt never ends but thanks for adding to it 2 days before Christmas !
Lighthearted response- but I suspect many parents cannot afford to give up work even if their children would prefer it.

And about rushing around to do the food shop and Christmas presents, I booked an online food shop and am getting it all delivered Christmas Eve. Presents have been done on my lunch break or online. Still some rushing about of course but trying to make it as easy for myself as I can.

Financially DH and I don’t ‘need’ to work FT. But mentally we do. We both enjoy our work and need adult stimulation. We also wanted to teach our children that we do not exist simply to pander to their needs, that family time is precious and to be cherished, that money doesn’t grow on trees and that the world doesn’t revolve around them. We have two well rounded and unselfish kids.

I lean more towards work, the kids need to learn, they'll have their own interests, and I don't want to be in a position where I can't afford paint while I'm still thinking about learning to draw. I think I can find a job with more free time, but I can't not work; I need money to make a living and to buy my kids art supplies every week.

Short term, I imagine kids would like staying at home with with parents, watching TV as it's cheap

Long term, I imagine they'd prefer their parents to have worked, built up some savings, take them on holiday, help them to buy a house

I used to be a sahm, then split from my dc's father and now work full time. I have much more self confidence and world experience now that I've built a career. My dc are proud of me and see me as a role model. I'm not convinced I would have the same impact/influence if I wasn't working.

But my job is very flexible. I work full time remote, and my colleagues are in North America timezones. I have a unicorn job, working for a genuinely family friendly organisation with an unlimited paid time off policy. I work on a project basis, so as long as I meet deadlines everyone is happy. Nobody is breathing down my neck to see when I'm online, and I'm never expected to work beyond my 5pm to fit into other timezones.

The only way I'd consider leaving work is if I suddenly became independently wealthy. But even then I'd get bored and probably start working again.

Mine say they would. I teach so am out of the house a lot and I must admit they have spent a lot of time in wraparound care, or coming home to an empty house, although I was part-time when they were young. Time spent together in the school holidays doesn't seem to count to them. However, what they really want is for me to be at home but to still have all the things my income gets us.

It is tricky because both my DC do suffer with anxiety and since starting secondary school have both been diagnosed with autism so I wonder if it would have been better if I was home more. We really would have to cut back so much with a loss of income though. DH is also a teacher so we so get a lot of time altogether in the school holidays, but not during term time. Lots of their friends' parents work part-time or from home and didn't have to go to after-school club, or can be picked up from.school instead of getting the bus. We are often unfavourably compared to them.

Yes, my youngest son has ASD and would definitely prefer it if I didn’t work as he hates having to go to breakfast club and after school club twice a week, but that’s not going to happen. I think it’s really important that working is normalised, along with the idea that you sometimes have to do things that you don’t want to do or that take you out of your comfort zone. Both boys have a better appreciation of what we have and do, and appreciate our family down time because they know that we work for it. I’d absolutely hate for my children to think that they could get away with doing nothing in life.

Where can you not work and get 2k per month?

There is an in between… you mention rushing around to activities like ice skating. I work FT and don’t do much of this with my kids. They have no regular after school activities apart from the after school club till I finish work at 5. One has SEN needs so I don’t want to overload them.

They do both tell me though they wish I could pick them up at 3 like other kids. Some kids go to the park at 3 and I wish I could give them that.

Not sure my kids would notice a huge difference. I work from home so manage to get some household things done in the day. DD wouldn't need to do breakfast club but would probably want to carry on with after school club and my DM collecting her a few times a week. DS goes to school in the city and gets the school bus which wouldn't change. I don't think it's worth me not earning my salary to take DD to school to be honest.

So going with this thinking daughters don't need to worry about uni or A levels because they will have to give up work as soon as they are pregnant

On the basis of my experience of my mother returning to work when I was 12, I decided to never work more than part time, and during school hours for the most part. The kids appreciated this. Maybe if I'd never known any better from young, I wouldn't have cared.

No judgement on those who do differently, I just know what coloured my own choice. Possibly my mother wasn't good at juggling the two, while other parents might be.

My father always worked full time, so never knew any different there.

I think it's the balance of work and home life that works for families. I'm lucky that I'm a primary school teacher and I work 4 days a week so I've all the school holidays at home and I have the privilege of taking them to school and picking them up once a week. My husband works from home so he takes them to school and between him and the grandparents they are collected & looked after. We've plenty of time at home with the kids but we can also afford the nicer things in life (very lucky I know). My kids did have to go to daycare before school age a few days a week and I do think they would have preferred to stay at home but unfortunately that wasn't doable. I grew up in a council house with one parent who worked and one who didn't. I loved having my mum at home but equally I was so jealous of my friends bigger houses, holidays, new clothes, toys etc. As a teenager I was definitely embarrassed by not having the 'correct' trainers etc. Not the right way of thinking but as a teenager you want to fit in.

Why do you think that's desirable?

Maybe it's just my kids but, while they do like me and DH a bit, they really enjoy blowing off steam at after school club with their friends

Where would the £2k come from

That's more than some people's wages

OP could the takeaway from this be that sometimes less is more? Kids often won't mind a simple Christmas and don't benefit from parents putting an enormous amount of pressure on themselves to make it perfect.

Giving up work probably isn't the answer but there are parts of that lifestyle that you could incorporate if you think it will help.

I could have written this ⬆️

My eldest is 21 now - I’ve always worked & children have been to nursery/breakfast club/ASC and holiday clubs! Neither of us have ever missed a nativity or school activity - between us we’ve shared.

I asked her whether she feels she missed out on anything - No because importantly she knew we were there for her if needed. Our children always come first and we ensure we are present.

Their favourite day is putting the tree up, snuggling on the sofa treats and watching Elf - we do this every year!

When my youngest was due to start secondary school I saw a great FT job opportunity (had been part time for years). To my amazement, I was offered the job. I had a chat with my youngest - would she prefer me to stay PT, things stay the same, or go FT - I'd be around a lot less but we'd have a lot more money. She told me in no uncertain terms to take the job. And thoroughly enjoyed the holidays abroad, house improvements, financial support for Uni it enabled.

I still have my good job now my children are fully grown and financially independent, which means I have had years of building a pension for when I retire. Work pays, literally.

Where is this mythical £2k coming from to enable parents to not work???

My son is constantly terrified I might go back to work (I’m a dreaded sahm!) but he is autistic, has severe separation anxiety and can’t do full full days at school. So yeah it’s easier I don’t work and he’s happier I don’t work. I used to feel awful being a sahm especially when you read mumsnet. But I now know it was the right choice for us.

Yes, of course, they would love that. The little one wouldn't have to go to nursery, which he hates and the older one wouldn't have to go to after school and holiday clubs. She doesn't hate them but always tells me that she would rather be at home. The school day is anyway so long and then she some days she needs to stay longer because I work so she doesn't get enough time to play to play or relax.

If both were at school I could use the time to do housework or anything related rather than having to squeeze it into evenings and weekends. I might even be able to get some time for myself so wouldn't be so stressed and tired all the time.

Yes, of course, when they are older they will appreciate that both parents needed to work to fund our particular lifestyle. (It's not super luxurious but the alternative, ie not working, would make it substantially worse) and I'm hoping I'm setting a good example to the girls but considering how stressed and tired I am all the time I am not so sure about that anymore.

but that doesn't mean that if money wasn't a factor they wouldn't prefer if both of us were at home.

Dreadful idea.
My father was retired and my mother a SHAM.
We had no money worries. But my brother and I never saw anyone going to work. Work became something out of our reality.
The result is that we both had issues with working, we had no confidence looking for jobs.
I made sure both my DC grew up with both parents working, and started work experience early and have a strong work ethic.
For my brother and I having both parents at home was a disaster.

I raised my children as a single full time working mum.

I a really asked them that question a couple of years ago when they were late teens/ early adults and asked them to be totally honest (we are anyway).

Both said they wouldn't have wanted me to be a sahm. They said that they were grateful for everything I was able to give them (good schools, nice home, activities, holidays etc...) and most Importantly opportunities. They said it taught them to be hard working and resilient.

My personal view is that my eldest would have hated me being a sahm. My youngest...I think would have liked me home until secondary school but ultimately has thrived amazingly.