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To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 24/12/2024 20:05

Just say no... other people need a share

Hwi · 24/12/2024 19:56

Never heard anything like that before! She must be sick.

saraclara · 24/12/2024 19:41

When I started reading your post I assumed your SIL was 65+

Why @TheTavern ?

usernother · 24/12/2024 19:39

Every single thing she asks for, just say 'No'. Just the one word. To every thing.

TheTavern · 24/12/2024 19:33

When I started reading your post I assumed your SIL was 65+ but no, she’s late 20s. This needs to be sorted because you could have years of this, given her age! If your BIL says don’t mention it because it embarrasses her, then I would say ‘excellent-so if we embarrass her will she stop?’. Does he think it’s ok for her to cause an awkward unpleasantness at the Christmas dinner table for everyone else? Is he not embarrassed by her behaviour? I would be mortified if my spouse behaved like that. She is so selfish that she doesn’t care that her obsessive meanness ripples through everyone else’s Christmas enjoyment. Your DH needs to talk to his brother and make it clear that her behaviour is not acceptable in your house.

TiredCatLady · 24/12/2024 19:26

Fuck it. She gets embarrassed because she’s a scrounger? Well then embarrass the hell out of her. And don’t cave to the tears. FFS Asking for your presents, what a CF.

SlowestHorse · 24/12/2024 19:15

Guest100 · 23/12/2024 04:48

I would just say no. If she asks for a gift you just received just say no I love this, thank you ….. With the left overs I would say no that’s our dinner tonight. If she keeps on at you ask her if her ears are painted on. After Christmas you need to tell your DH they are not coming over again.

“Ears painted on” snort snort I LOVE this

Clarabell77 · 24/12/2024 19:08

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 23/12/2024 04:07

This is keeping you awake at 4am on December 23rd, it definitely needs addressed. I think I would have to say something too.

The questions I would be asking of myself first are - Is she entirely well? Is BIL covering something up? Her behaviour sound’s very testing and strange.

My first thought was this person has some sort of mental health issue.

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 24/12/2024 19:08

You should tell your BIL that you will be invoicing him separately after dinner for everything she claims, since he enables her behaviour. That way, she's happy, you're reimbursed for everything and BIL gets to have a happy wife.

Or, just pally up with everyone before dinner and tell everyone to say No to her.

Annonymiss123 · 24/12/2024 18:59

I think today will be an awkward phone call to BIL to let him know it's either got to be addressed and her told no or they can't come.

How was your phone call received @Addyview?

Jorge14 · 24/12/2024 18:59

Just say no to her, if she says don’t finish all that I’m taking some home, just say no your not & if she asks for your presents just say no. Get your husband to back you up so it’s not just you & she will get the message. If she thinks you are being rude, she has no grounds for this, you have the right to say no to things. Some people are crazy & have no shame

LivelyMintViper · 24/12/2024 18:49

O SIL I love your rings. They would look better on me. And your coat .And your jumper. And you don't need all those presents, do you? And I think you've eaten quite enough already , so maybe miss pudding? And if you don't stop drinking the wine there won't be enough for the rest of us to have a third glass. Just saying

Jumpers4goalposts · 24/12/2024 18:46

I wouldn’t say anything in advance just as your dishing say something loudly like “there won’t be leftovers so no need to ask X, eat up everyone, enjoy”.

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 24/12/2024 18:41

No.
For the second time, no.
For the xth time no…

Ad infinitum… If she keeps going longer than you want, that’s when you say that her behaviour is both rude and uncomfortable and if she asks to take anything else that is not hers, you WILL ask her to leave. If she starts trying to argue, repeat that I’ve asked you to leave, please don’t ignore me…

Make sure DH is inside first though and give your guests a heads up about what she has done in the past.

Good luck

TwigletsAndRadishes · 24/12/2024 18:40

TitaniasAss · 24/12/2024 18:31

They're not the two options at all. The first time she says anything about the food you just say 'sorry, tomorrow's leftovers day for us' and leave it at that. If she asks if she can have a present once you're fed up with it just assure her you love whatever it is and you know you won't be fed up with it.

This could have been nipped in the bud years ago.

Totally agree.

TitaniasAss · 24/12/2024 18:31

They're not the two options at all. The first time she says anything about the food you just say 'sorry, tomorrow's leftovers day for us' and leave it at that. If she asks if she can have a present once you're fed up with it just assure her you love whatever it is and you know you won't be fed up with it.

This could have been nipped in the bud years ago.

VegTrug · 24/12/2024 18:18

@Addyview How did the phone call go, OP?

DEVOLADY · 24/12/2024 18:16

Speak to her straight - tell her if she repeats the behaviour of other years this will be the last year you invite her as her behaviour is embarrassing, makes everyone uncomfortable and is actually amazingly disrespectfully SELFISH - tell her straight, that is the only way people like her ever understand. And if she does start simply say "Why do you feel it is appropriate to behave like that/say things like that when I have asked you repeatedly not to" FACE HER OUT. I would not have put up with that behaviour as long as you have! You can choose to invite who you want and who you are comfortable with. If she is going to make you uncomfortable and is unwilling to conform to respectable behaviour she should not be there.

PotatoLove · 24/12/2024 18:14

She sounds outrageous. And shameless. Please make sure she doesn't pull her antics again. No is an entire answer. Repeat until she finally gets it.

Badinfluencer · 24/12/2024 18:04

Lool please embarrass her. we need to bring back shame. Happy Xmas everyone 🎄

Bunny65 · 24/12/2024 17:46

Having read the OP's reply now I would agree with ringing up with an ultimatum saying it's unacceptable behaviour and she either learns some manners or stays away.

Bunny65 · 24/12/2024 17:42

I would make pointed comments in front of her and your guests so she gets the message. For example, if she asks for leftovers say "No". If she asks if she can have an unwanted present say "No, anything unwanted is going to charity" and if she starts on your guests tell her politely to please leave them alone. You've tried to go through diplomatic channels and it hasn't worked. She is just plain rude and if she doesn't realise you are doing her a favour. You don't have to be nasty about it, just say no.

MarvellousMonsters · 24/12/2024 17:40

DaftyLass · 23/12/2024 04:05

Just say : sorry SIL, no dibs, we need to share with everyone
Reply as needed/ until she gets the message

This. On repeat. No dibs. No leftovers to take home as you have plans to use them for future meals for yourselves.

If she doesn't listen just reply with 'no'

Kentucky83 · 24/12/2024 17:39

Don't open presents in front of her apart from ones brought by them, and say no to taking the food as you'll be eating the leftovers yourselves later. Keep repeating no. It sounds exhausting, tbh, but it also sounds like it needs dealing with firmly.

JaneFrances · 24/12/2024 17:15

I mentioned this upthread but in what world is it usual to go to dinner and be thinking about leftovers?