To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

Lots of suggestions or you could just say, before you ask ive already done you a doggy bag to take home, now please let everyone enjoy their meals. As for presents say if theres anything i don't like I'll wrap it up for you next Christmas, save me paying money out. Plus id warn people beforehand about what shes like and say just ignore her.

I think it's worth considering using your manager being a guest to make your point. For example, "my manager from work will be there, so please don't do xyz, because they might think it's not normal"

From past experience, there is no way of avoiding causing offence in someone like this, but if you do it in advance, if they get mad they can cancel and not turn up, whereas doing it in person has a higher risk of an unpleasant scene in front of everyone else.

It’s the only way

Please be honest I got trolled yesterday by commenting on a similar post (taking home the turkey roll).
This is worse and so incredibly rude, she needs to be pulled up.
Good luck OP and enjoy your food, gifts and day.

Can you let us know what happens? Like someone said, I too thought it was someone much older and set in their ways

I can't believe she's embarrassed when pulled up about her behaviour otherwise the embarrassment would stop her even behaving like this. Sounds like she's alwaya been like this and interesting about her mum not liking it either.

”she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.”

There’s your answer. Don’t invite this parasite to your house.

I would never have her over, not even for a visit let alone Christmas. She seems proud of her greedy, selfish behaviour and sounds thoroughly nasty. What do you get out of having her there? And why did your husband ask them around without asking you? I'd cancel altogether, even at short notice. It might wake BIL enough to address the issue or get rid of her.

An anologe clock will bexat 5.05 twice a day
Or has this gone completely over my head? I mean, Ive had a couple of Emva Cream sherries... 😀

Goodness me, I’d be strapping on my armour to go into battle with this one! She sounds like a right grabby cow.

Gah OP this sounds fully enraging. I have a wild suggestion which might be worth a shot?
Could you specifically allocate some leftovers to her? So it’s not a no, but a controlled yes, like I do with my toddler (I mean that in the nicest possibly way). Eg “Don’t worry SIL, I’ll pack up the leftover stuffing just for you”.

And then you can keep playing that card: “Don’t listen to SIL everyone, eat as much as you like, I’ve already set up her leftovers box”.

I don’t have any suggestions for the presents issue though - this is next level and I wish you luck!

OMG please don’t ever give her anything again unless it’s meant for her. If she asks for leftovers just say no, we’re having them tomorrow and don’t invite her out for meals again because she’s admitted she won’t pay.

BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed

Embarrassed? Sounds like you couldn't scorch that neck with a blow torch.

It sounds horrendous @Addyview I agree that it/she needs confronting, so no, you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I hope you let us know how it went in the end.

Everytime she asks for things to be wrapped up I'd say

"Oh no.. it's not that kind of restaurant im afraid".

When she starts hassling people for scraps... or anything

"Don't be a scab".

And repeat.

I would put some notices up.
No taking home left overs
No asking for gifts that are not yours
Post it notes everywhere

Yes, that’s a good idea with the OPs manager there isn’t it ?

She’s a nightmare. I would tell her outright that she is rude and not invite her in future. Surely she has no friends with behaviour like that? Awful.

Every piece of food she lays claim to, pull the entire dish towards you and stuff it all into your mouth with your hands, maintaining blinkless eye contact with her the entire time.

Every gift she tries to grift, lick it all over; eye contact as above.

Repeat until she stops.

When she arrives, say “oh that’s a lovely coat SIL. Is it new? I think I will have that. And your skirt is nice too - I’ll have that as well. Do you want to step out of it now for me to take? You wont mind spending the day in your tights, will you?”

When she says “are you mad?” Then you can say - “right, well, let’s have none of this nonsense about other people’s presents and the food. You didnt pay for any of it and it will all either be in our guests stomachs or staying put here. OK?”

Might get the message across.

You should never give her any leftovers, make it clear to her when she arrives the food has been carefully planned and I will be using any that is left over. Be very firm if she makes a play for any presents as well, if your BIL is right and she gets embarrassed she'll get the message, if she doesn't then I'm afraid you need to uninvite her. your BIL sound supportive on the surface but he is enabling her, and making excuses hoping they won't be excluded.
Whether they struggle or are well off is not the point ,this is a psychological problem- you mustn't let her take anything as enabling her will just make her worse- and your life miserable. Your BIL and his wife need to agree not to do this if you are to keep inviting them.

So you’ve been told not to call her out on her behaviour because she’d be embarrassed. Good, she should be embarassed. This behaviour isn’t acceptable - call it out each and every time

This is the best answer. I'd say it in front of everyone if she starts again.

1st reply nails it 💯!

I get up for work at 5.15. It is never a reasonable time. I also did not know there were two 5 o'clocks in a day jk

I wonder if there is more to this? It sounds like she may a mental health condition or a trauma response. Perhaps your brother in law knows more than what you let on.