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To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 23/12/2024 04:30

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:22

It's been playing on my mind since DH asked his brother over again this Christmas last month.
Her behaviour is strange but it's more that she's made it her personality now. She will gladly sit and brag that she gets all she can for free out of life and doesn't like paying for things. Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.

She is shameless and if her DH is telling you all to not embarrass her/spare her blushes then he is too by proxy. I would take her at her word and invite her nowhere!

Thevelvelletes · 23/12/2024 04:25

I'd be speaking to dh and telling him to withdraw that invite.
Fuck putting up with that in your own home.

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:22

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 23/12/2024 04:07

This is keeping you awake at 4am on December 23rd, it definitely needs addressed. I think I would have to say something too.

The questions I would be asking of myself first are - Is she entirely well? Is BIL covering something up? Her behaviour sound’s very testing and strange.

It's been playing on my mind since DH asked his brother over again this Christmas last month.
Her behaviour is strange but it's more that she's made it her personality now. She will gladly sit and brag that she gets all she can for free out of life and doesn't like paying for things. Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.

OP posts:
Onlyonekenobe · 23/12/2024 04:18

So weird!

I agree, she doesn’t get to make people feel uncomfortable AND have her blushes spared by her DH. That just ignores everyone else and allow her to spoil everyone else’s day.

I think you need to give BIL the choice: I’m going to call her and tackle this head on Christmas morning, or you can make your excuses and stay at home. All done in private so nobody else knows. She needs to pick one. This behaviour is not on.

How miserable! What a downer on Christmas Day.

Polyp0 · 23/12/2024 04:12

You should definitely say something in advance!

Gatecrashermum · 23/12/2024 04:11

Her behaviour sounds deranged....but also completely shameless. My experience of people this tight is that they are not embarrassed in the least - they'd have to not care about social niceties to behave so incredibly and blatantly selfish.

If BIL is right and she'll get embarrassed yes absolutely phone her and ask her to please not ask repeatedly if she can take other people's gifts home, and please don't ask people to hold back when they're eating so she can have plenty of leftovers - because she won't be given any leftovers to take home, they are wanted for your family's future meals - they're part of the joy of hosting.

I'd ring her tomorrow morning and get this off your chest.

But presumably you have caved before and given her leftovers to take home from all the meals she has attended?

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/12/2024 04:11

Next time she tells people not to eat certain foods because she wants to take the leftovers home just laugh and go "as if!! Eat as much as you like everyone" and keep brushing her off.
Just because she claims things doesn't mean you all have to let her.
If she points out a present of yours she likes, and asks if she can have it, just reply "I literally unwrapped it this morning. No you can't have it" and repeat

Fraaances · 23/12/2024 04:08

Ask if she is a vulture

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 23/12/2024 04:07

This is keeping you awake at 4am on December 23rd, it definitely needs addressed. I think I would have to say something too.

The questions I would be asking of myself first are - Is she entirely well? Is BIL covering something up? Her behaviour sound’s very testing and strange.

DaftyLass · 23/12/2024 04:05

Just say : sorry SIL, no dibs, we need to share with everyone
Reply as needed/ until she gets the message

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