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To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
ThankULord · 23/12/2024 05:25

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/12/2024 05:22

Also bugger what BIL said “but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. ”

Why does her getting embarrassed trump your feelings especially if you are hosting … tell BIL either you say something to her or we will!!

☝️

ThankULord · 23/12/2024 05:24

KangaRoo00 · 23/12/2024 05:05

How bizarre, definitely cancel them.

Also what is everyone doing awake at 5.05 (if you are in the UK)?

Thinking of how to smuggle the presents into the house and wrap them before DC wake up.
Also trying to encourage myself to get out of bed.

Dodgydodgydodgy · 23/12/2024 05:24

Make It clear if she behaves like she has this will be the last invite from you. Refuse to give her anything.

Dontsparethehorses · 23/12/2024 05:24

I definitely agree you need to talk to her before she comes - explain it made you really uncomfortable when she asked if she could have your presents and when she told other guests they couldn’t eat as much as they wanted. You just wanted to get in touch to let her know you really can’t have either of those things take place at Christmas this year. Thank her in advance for understanding. She either gets embarrassed and doesn’t come or she comes and if she starts you ask her to help you in the other room and remind her/ agree that DH will challenge her since he invited her?

Istilldontlikeolives · 23/12/2024 05:22

Do you ever go to their house?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/12/2024 05:22

Also bugger what BIL said “but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. ”

Why does her getting embarrassed trump your feelings especially if you are hosting … tell BIL either you say something to her or we will!!

Gatecrashermum · 23/12/2024 05:21

Baby! On my 3rd feed since 3am

Justsayit123 · 23/12/2024 05:19

Do they contribute towards anything when they come? Why invite them? Why give in to her demands?

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 23/12/2024 05:16

KangaRoo00 · 23/12/2024 05:05

How bizarre, definitely cancel them.

Also what is everyone doing awake at 5.05 (if you are in the UK)?

I have a list of things to do today and instead of getting a good nights rest I am running through them in my mind. Menopause sucks.

useitorlose · 23/12/2024 05:15

Lemonadeand · 23/12/2024 05:08

Baby. Can’t answer for anyone else.

Thailand!

Lemonadeand · 23/12/2024 05:08

KangaRoo00 · 23/12/2024 05:05

How bizarre, definitely cancel them.

Also what is everyone doing awake at 5.05 (if you are in the UK)?

Baby. Can’t answer for anyone else.

Lemonadeand · 23/12/2024 05:07

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/12/2024 04:11

Next time she tells people not to eat certain foods because she wants to take the leftovers home just laugh and go "as if!! Eat as much as you like everyone" and keep brushing her off.
Just because she claims things doesn't mean you all have to let her.
If she points out a present of yours she likes, and asks if she can have it, just reply "I literally unwrapped it this morning. No you can't have it" and repeat

This. I think you (and everyone) need to keep challenging her as and when the behaviour comes up.

”Don’t be silly! We’re enjoying Christmas dinner: I haven’t batched cooked for your benefit.”

”Are you serious? These are my Christmas presents!” Etc.

KangaRoo00 · 23/12/2024 05:05

How bizarre, definitely cancel them.

Also what is everyone doing awake at 5.05 (if you are in the UK)?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/12/2024 05:04

That’s so disgusting and rude

Id message BIL/SIL and DH today and say we will be keeping all leftovers as we are hosting please don’t ask to take any home.

Then each time she asks to have someone’s gift say SIL that’s really rude to ask for my gift as soon as I’ve opened it you are not a seagull !!

Next year no inviting anywhere and your BIL needs to pull his head in too

useitorlose · 23/12/2024 05:01

'No' is a complete sentence in this situation.

MeanWeedratStew · 23/12/2024 04:56

Is she the sort who would simply help herself (steal) if told no?

MumChp · 23/12/2024 04:55

Thevelvelletes · 23/12/2024 04:51

It was her husband that issued the invite.

Wtf why did husband invite? And wife accepted?

I would have left home at Christmas to go relatives/friends not put up with a guest like this. Husband invites. Husband sorts and gets the fun.

Thevelvelletes · 23/12/2024 04:51

MumChp · 23/12/2024 04:48

Wtf why did you invite her?

NO is the amswer to every question she asks.

It was her husband that issued the invite.

JanglingJack · 23/12/2024 04:51

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/12/2024 04:11

Next time she tells people not to eat certain foods because she wants to take the leftovers home just laugh and go "as if!! Eat as much as you like everyone" and keep brushing her off.
Just because she claims things doesn't mean you all have to let her.
If she points out a present of yours she likes, and asks if she can have it, just reply "I literally unwrapped it this morning. No you can't have it" and repeat

I'd go with this.

Present wise - ah unfortunately I love it, so unlucky.
Unlucky again
Start opening next one and haha don't even bother asking.
Then enough now, stop hankering after my presents!

You might get lucky, she might get the hump and go home 😂

Food wise, sorry this is seeing us through to the new year, supermarket is open tomorrow, you won't starve. Greedy grabbing pig - okay, maybe not the last bit!

Guest100 · 23/12/2024 04:48

I would just say no. If she asks for a gift you just received just say no I love this, thank you ….. With the left overs I would say no that’s our dinner tonight. If she keeps on at you ask her if her ears are painted on. After Christmas you need to tell your DH they are not coming over again.

MumChp · 23/12/2024 04:48

Wtf why did you invite her?

NO is the amswer to every question she asks.

Pippa12 · 23/12/2024 04:44

I think I’d just reply sharply on Christmas Day that there will be absolutely no doggy bags today for anybody. No explanation or conversation. Repeat.

The present thing is weird- Id just reply no. Just shut her down.

We also have a free loading brother and sister in law. My DH has a good relationship with his brother, I’m super low contact with them as they drive me insane scrounging.

CatsndtheBear · 23/12/2024 04:44

I know someone like this.

The ONLY thing that helped was everyone agreed to reply to her with a "NO", said in the kind of tone you would to stop a toddler touching a stove.

Just that one word withs strong eye contact.
No placating or trying to make her less awkward, everyone looked at her when someone said the "NO".

We also once waited for the waiter to come and said to them that she would be paying separately so please create an individual bill for her. She knew then she needed to pay or else she alone would be in trouble.

It sorted the problem!

People like that rely on us trying to make things less awkward.

Instead, everyone needs to come up with a plan and follow through.

Momtotwokids · 23/12/2024 04:41

How old is she? Definitely tell her behave or stay home. How uncomfortable everyone must be.

Gatecrashermum · 23/12/2024 04:36

She said "she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in." and you STILL invite her?! That would be the last time for me. Does your BIL not put his hand in his pocket either?

Honestly this behaviour is outrageous. You've been a mug to let it continue so long. If she's not interested in seeing you - don't bloody see her. Absolutely do not pay for her.

She may have made saving money- at other people's expense - her personality but it's an ugly one that will find her social circle get smaller and smaller

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