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To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
Aim4Lesscortisol · 29/12/2024 21:47

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/12/2024 05:04

That’s so disgusting and rude

Id message BIL/SIL and DH today and say we will be keeping all leftovers as we are hosting please don’t ask to take any home.

Then each time she asks to have someone’s gift say SIL that’s really rude to ask for my gift as soon as I’ve opened it you are not a seagull !!

Next year no inviting anywhere and your BIL needs to pull his head in too

"Seagull" would be an excellent nickname here ha ha

OhcantthInkofaname · 29/12/2024 19:22

@Addyview please update us on your SIL!

2025willbemytime · 29/12/2024 18:35

LBFseBrom · 29/12/2024 16:35

That's brilliant :-).

I saw this on threads I'm on and thought you were responding to @Addyview update...

Tinytigertail · 29/12/2024 16:47

HeadacheEarthquake · 29/12/2024 16:21

I reckon they're both still at the table in a stalemate over a cold stuffingball

GrinGrin

LBFseBrom · 29/12/2024 16:35

HeadacheEarthquake · 29/12/2024 16:21

I reckon they're both still at the table in a stalemate over a cold stuffingball

That's brilliant :-).

HeadacheEarthquake · 29/12/2024 16:21

I reckon they're both still at the table in a stalemate over a cold stuffingball

LBFseBrom · 29/12/2024 16:12

Or else in prison because she viciously assaulted the sister-in-law.
Or a secure hospital.

Come back, op, we want to know what happened!

JessicaRabbit6 · 29/12/2024 14:10

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 27/12/2024 16:48

I think OP's SIL has eaten her...

OP is now dead all because it kicked off at Xmas dinner when when she asked fto take home ther spare napkins, everyone shouted a stern NO at her like a child and she combusted

PollyPage21 · 29/12/2024 13:46

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:22

It's been playing on my mind since DH asked his brother over again this Christmas last month.
Her behaviour is strange but it's more that she's made it her personality now. She will gladly sit and brag that she gets all she can for free out of life and doesn't like paying for things. Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.

My thoughts are as SIL has made this behaviour acceptable, to her at least, and has said she would rather you didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in (I know she covets your gifts and food but I'm sure you get my drift) I would take her at her word and not invite them, yes it's tough on BIL but he really shouldn't be condoning this sort of behaviour and he is by saying it's her personality, no it's what she's learnt gets her the results she wants, I realise you get on with him and most probably don't want to hurt him but it's not you but his wife doing the hurting she's not only hurting her husband but that of the two brothers.
If your husband is in agreement that's what I'd do and I'd get hubby to go out with the BIL for a boys night out just to say that it wasn't meant to hurt him

Memyselfandi9 · 29/12/2024 13:35

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

What a strange one she is! How was Christmas day?

usernother · 29/12/2024 13:09

Checking back every day for OP update. Disappointed every day.

CheeryPlum · 29/12/2024 12:20

Here's an idea for how to deal with anyone regularly claiming leftovers like her. Say they have inspired you to find creative ways to use your own leftovers as you have noticed they don't let a thing go to waste. Thank them profusely and express how you're looking forward to saving money on your food shopping bill going forward.

I've never known anyone try to snaffle Christmas gifts before. If more than one of these people exist, I'd be tempted to just laugh and say 'No, of course you can't have it. What an odd thing to say'. If they persist, another laugh and say 'Are you still going on about that?'.

Fraaances · 29/12/2024 12:05

She’s not coming back, Loves

let it go GIF
AngelicKaty · 29/12/2024 11:40

Hi @Addyview OK, I'm way too late to this party so I won't give advice, but I hope you had the Christmas you and DH wanted. I just wanted to comment that one thing really stood out for me from your first post: "She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed." I mean, WTAF?! 1. Why isn't he dealing with his wife's obnoxious behaviour? and 2. Where does he get the idea she's "embarrassed" when people challenge her? If she was, she'd stopped doing it! 🙄

Shelby1981 · 29/12/2024 06:32

Hi @Addyview what happened in the end?

CrowleyKitten · 29/12/2024 00:21

cansu · 23/12/2024 10:28

Just say leftovers are already spoken for sil with a big smile. Job done. No need to make a drama and potentially cause a row.

and of course "there aren't even any leftovers yet, people haven't finished eating. when there ARE leftovers, we have plans for using them.

CrowleyKitten · 28/12/2024 23:42

ribiera · 23/12/2024 06:42

she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.
This is deranged. But I also don't like paying for things that I don't want to do so on this example I'm envious of her ;-) all the other things though - leftovers, presents etc, that's just rude.
Two ways to play this. You either just keep saying a firm "no", or you do a nice big declutter of all your stuff and keep it under the stairs. When she asks to take your lovely new clarins gift set say "oh this one's for me but I do have something I think you'd like" and produce the crappy home bargain face cream gift set you got from secret Santa four years ago. The Tupperware full of leftovers can come alongside a bag of just out of date half eaten rubbish from the back of the cupboard.
I'm expecting an update on this thread on Xmas day.......

"if you're struggling to afford food, I can give you a couple of pot noodles, a bag of rice, and a couple of tins of tomatoes to keep you going until you can get a referral to a food bank"

CrowleyKitten · 28/12/2024 23:25

reminds me of cadging Carol in the Royle Family

AdoraBell · 28/12/2024 23:14

I’ve only just seen this thread and read the OP’s posts. How did it go on Christmas Day OP ? I do hope she could have behaved better.

MsAmerica · 28/12/2024 23:06

If you're "several years into this," why haven't you figured out how to say, "Sorry, I can't give you any to take some because I'm planning on our having this tomorrow"? Not to mention, "Excuse me, did I just hear you tell my guests not to eat? Maybe you think that's funny, but it's not."

zeibesaffron · 28/12/2024 22:54

what happened……

Zvifflemeyer · 28/12/2024 22:31

"Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in."

Ok. poof you're uninvited.

SeAmableSiempre · 28/12/2024 22:22

Well, as Christmas Day has come and gone I’m wondering what happened? Either way I would not invite this disrespectful freeloader to anything ever again.

SparklyLeader · 28/12/2024 22:15

You missed both her communication and the insult. They are crystal clear.

"Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in."

She could not have been any clearer with you, she really, really doesn't like you or your parties and she doesn't want to be there. In fact, she dislikes being there so much she engages in escalating boorish and obnoxious behavior trying to get you to stop inviting her. How hard does this woman have to try to get you to stop?

It is YOU who is the person not getting the hint. Do not invite her again, ever, anywhere, for any reason, to do anything. STOP forcing yourself on her. You will both be so much happier.

NippyNippy · 28/12/2024 21:26

TinyMouseTheatre · 28/12/2024 20:07

She obviously has got her hands on OP's phone

Perhaps she's now also claimed the OP and is now their house slave? Grin

Ah great minds think alike I dos t see this before I posted.

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