To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

As I discovered from a wise mnetter many years ago on here.....

NO is a complete sentence.

The bloody cheek of it

You tell it’s the school holidays.

Bloody hell, that is appalling behaviour. She should feel embarrassed about it.

Tell BIL that if he doesn't tell her to knock it off beforehand (or if he does and the message doesn't sink in), you'll tell her yourself.

So when she starts, you just say, "SIL, stop claiming everything, it's unspeakably rude. We almost uninvited you this year because of it but we decided to give you one last chance and asked BIL to tell you to stop. Obviously that didn't work, so now I'm telling you. Stop trying to claim everyone else's food and presents, or next year you can sort yourselves out at Christmas because you won't be invited back here."

Why can’t you speak to BIL and get him to tell her to behave? It sounds like you have a good relationship with him and he’s already aware of the problem. Say he either speaks to her or they don’t come.

Food - no we are eating the leftovers tomorrow
Presents - I am donating these to the women's refuge

Maybe just ignoring her would work. Don’t respond in any way when she says these things and pointedly carry on talking to other people.

I think it’s too late to cancel this year, as it would leave them in the lurch regarding buying their own food. But sending her a message beforehand as @Dontsparethehorses suggests would be ideal.

As to why UK women are on MN at 5am, it’s striking that most of us are at opposite ends of the female life cycle, either feeding babies or unable to sleep because of the menopause.

Edited to add: there does seem to be some kind of MH issue here. Or is it that this started as a joke and she just keeps on with it?

If she is not embarrassed about it

when she asks

joke, no, we are eating it all up and left overs are going to next doors dog as he has first dibs

presents, say oh no, I’m taking to the charity shop if I ever grow tired of it, I’ll let you know which charity shop though

or no you can get you mits of this it’s adorable, I’m not letting this out of my sight

Make it clear to both of them that her behaviour last year ruined the day, and that if there is any repetition this year and you will be asking them to leave immediately.

Which would make this year weird - but who is actually there on the day, just your two families? Do they have children?

Or you could serve hers up and tell her to eat in the kitchen if she can't behave like a civilised adult at the table. (or would she spend time in the kitchen packing up the contents of your cupboards?

"Please don't embarrass yourself by asking. The answer is no"

@Addyview Treat her like the entitled child she's behaving like:

"Can I have the gift if you don't like it?"

• Well, Lola, would you please let me see what it is first? And if you like it you can wish for the same for your birthday or next christmas.

"I'm taking the leftovers home. Don't eat all of it!"

• That's not polite Lola. Everyone here can and should eat all they want and as for the leftovers it's the host who decides who gets what so I would recommend for you to stop claiming or you won't get any at all.

The trick is to transform her into the entitled child/teen she's acting like in your head and "educate" that child gently but firmly when she's lacking in manners.

Ooooooh no.

• Get DH (as its his brothers wife!) to speak to his brother and tell him either she stops doing it or it will be called out. If he can't then he has the option for them not to attend.
• 'I already have plans for any leftovers thankyou!'
• 'Please don't put people off eating their meals, it's rude!'
• 'I like a bargain or a freebie as much as the next person, but not when it means ripping off my own family!'
• 'Piss off and buy your own'

These should see you through if they do attend.

I cannot believe the brass neck of the pair of them, her for the constant scrounging, and him for the 'oh no don't call her out on her obnoxious behaviour, she'll be embarrassed'. Perhaps she needs embarrassing so she'll stop doing it!

Snap. Frustrating isn’t it? At least no
hot flushes this morning lol

The "Ears painted on" made me smile.
I wouldn't invite them. I can't understand why you having a word about her behaviour would have embarrassed her, she isnt embarrassed asking for stuff.

This

Make a seagull noise every time she tries to claim something.

Or tell her “no, fuck off you scrounger”.

Awake because it’s 3:41pm Monday afternoon in Australia.

Every time she asks just laugh like she's said something ridiculous and say NO.

If BIL is worried about her being embarrassed then he needs to tackle it with her and tell her that behaviour is not acceptable.

Food shop 🤣
2 days to go until Christmas and I will gladly get up at the arse crack of dawn to buy my essentials rather than face the hoards of Christmas shoppers,

OP, I would do one of two things myself-

1. Tell her how bloody annoying she is, it’s fair enough if she wants to try and get freebies legitimately from big companies etc, but you dont scrounge from families. She has her fair share (I.e what you choose to give her) and she shuts the fuck up. I’d tell her she’s rude, irritating, tighter than a badgers arse and making herself extremely unlikeable.
2. OR, if you like your BIL a lot and want to respect his wishes, tell him that you can no longer invite them both round if you’re unable to call her out on her behaviour.

Could you maybe respond to everything she asks with “How bloody rude. No.” Until she gets the idea?

i definitely think there’s something else going on maybe health wise and BIL is covering it up. I just can’t imagine someone well going on like that!

DP is snoring like beast and I can’t sleep!

I’m up because I have crippling gut ache from being glutened yesterday (coeliac) but thanks for this thread for the two outstanding remarks:

Are your ears painted on and
Are you a seagull

😊

And yes agree with all other pps.

Merry Christmas 🎄

Insomnia. Giving up on sleep now

That’s astonishingly rude and how awkward for the rest of you. I agree with others and suggest texting in advance to let them know they won’t be getting any leftovers so will need to go shopping for food for Boxing Day, they can’t rely on you this year.

I’d be tempted to wrap a book on manners and joke she won’t want that one when you unwrap it.

Good luck and merry Christmas!

And I’m up because the dog woofed as he was cold. I’m now shivering downstairs and he’s snug under a blanket

I haven’t voted in this purely because I’m 50:50. I’m totally with you in regards to that behaviour being irritating and rude. But not in the uninviting. I don’t think you can get to 23rd December and I invite them. I think I’d say a firm no to her face and bite back and see if that works. Tell her you want Boxing Day leftovers from the food you’ve paid for

The only thing that will sort this is to withdraw the invite (and draw a huge sigh of relief).

They know you find her behaviour freakishly awful so must be amazed they have been invited again.

The only thing that will bring you mental peace and stop her doing it, is if the invites dry up.

Put yourself and your other guests ahead of this awful woman.

Chronic insomnia, my body has decided sleep is for the weak! Actually been up since 4am.
Is it possible SIL has some kind of mental health problem? Surely people are taught very early on in childhood not to behave like this so it seems odd that she is so persistent as an adult.

I would answer no to all requests.

If you don't like present etc - no, you can't have it. If I grow tired of it I will give it to a charity of my choosing.

Everytime she asks to take home food - No, we'll be keeping it for lunches.

Say no every single time. Don't apologise, just No.

If you want to get really blunt "stop scrounging because it's pissing me off" - might not foster good relationships in the future though...