To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

I'd be telling BIL to drill it in to her that she's not to make her silly comments otherwise you WILL be responding, and tough luck if she gets embarrassed.

Have a few comments ready for the day...
Presents: "This is my gift. I'm sure Aunty Mavis will tell you where she bought it so that you can purchase your own". Alternatively, if she keeps on, "keep your grabby hands to yourself Amanda".
Food (if she asks people not to eat too much): "this spread is for EVERYONE to enjoy today - help yourselves everyone".
Food (if she asks for leftovers): "nope, sorry, any leftovers are ours for future meals this week".

Don't just put up with it, and for goodness sake, don't invite her again, and be honest if they ever ask why they're not invited to something.

I would be phoning her direct and saying that there would not be a repeat of previous Christmas experiences. If she feels she cannot do this then please do not come as the bad behaviour is not welcome.

Just tell her no. Don't get why this is an issue

This said very clearly and with a smile at her first attempt.

Im surprised you've allowed this to go on for so long. Why have you been giving her food to take home at all in the past?

Make it clear at the door when they arrive that there's to be no asking for people's presents or food and if it does happen they won't be invited again, no second chances

We're not all in the UK. It's currently 4:40pm here.

Tell BIL if she behaves like that this Christmas, you won’t be inviting her to your home again.

That way, the onus is on him to manage her behaviour.

I am surprised you have tolerated it for so long tbh.

I would bluntly say no. No excuse such as i like my present or i will use leftovers just no. And i definitely would not give her any leftovers so she gets the message.

One of the advantages of being in my 60s is I no longer give any fucks about upsetting people who don't care who they are upsetting. I'd be very direct with her these days. The disadvantage of being in my my 60s is waking at 4 stressing about today's scheduled call with mum's social worker who has just made a stupid suggestion to mum and raised her hopes about something that can't happen.

I would use sarcasm and announce to all your other guests that you don’t want to see any leftovers! It’s your BL who should be dealing with this though. I would wonder if she has a psychological issue but if she gets embarrassed then surely she wouldn’t do it in the first place.

As for your BIL asking you not to call her out on it because she’ll be embarrassed, that’s a crock of shit. She’s too thick skinned to feel any embarrassment and he means that he’ll be the embarrassed one. He clearly can’t stand up to her and is enabling her with his behaviour.

It’s a horrible situation for you, good luck. No words of advice but some great suggestions upthread.

You didn't do anything wrong, a happy Christmas shouldn't be affected, a brand new Christmas gift can't be given to her, she's just too inconsiderate, better to wait for a more suitable occasion to invite her.

She sounds extremely rude.
BIL asks you not to say anything to her incase she gets embarrassed ?
What about him..isn't he embarrassed by her behaviour ,?
And as for telling other guest that they can't have second helpings..id be shouting ' ignore gobby everyone. Food is there to be eaten .

Iv been awake since 2am.. osteoarthritis in knees and the pain woke up

@user1492757084
Are you SIL? there's nothing quirky or funny about this behaviour. it's beyond rude and deranged.
Quirky to expect to take other people's gifts? to get everything for free?
Have a word with yourself and stop excusing horrible behaviour.

I honestly can't believe what I'm reading. I've never seen anyone behave like this in my life and think it's absolutely ridiculous. The woman is bizarre and her husband is enabling her. I'm flabbergasted.

I'd definitely be telling her upfront so you don't need to call her out on the day. If she insists on still doing it have a snappy cone back and practice your tinkly laugh, something like watch your heads everyone the vulture is in full force again

I do t know why pp are being so kind.

Don't explain why she can't take stuff! That just means she'll ask again. You need to be fucking outraged!!

I think I too would get DH to have a word with his dB. It's his side of the family so his responsibility initially. Tell him you have been considering refunding the invitation and see what he says.

If he dismissed again tell him that you won't hold back this year to save her blushes, then they have the choice to come or not.

If they then still come AND she still does her vulcher routine, then perfect an exasperated look. Glare intensely at DB and say a short sharp NO. Double points if you can stage whisper 'shes doing it AGAIN' to DH. If you have other guests present I would laugh and say. 'SIL is a right scrounger! Keep an eye on your bags and gifts hahaha.'

For my own sanity I would also make a bingo card but I can't stand this kind of behaviour.

Another option. Take a shot everytime she does it. Tell everyone else 'she said it, SHOT!!' every time. Then you'll be to drunk to care about your manners and you can tell her to get the fuck of your left overs.

Tell her before she comes. It’s not good enough challenging her at the time-if someone told me not to have a second helping because they wanted it later, I’d feel really awkward even if the hosts told me to ignore her. It’s not fair on other guests.
She sounds a nightmare op, you must be really patient to have put up with her this long.

What do they bring as their contribution to the festivities

I had a similar experience with my cousin who hosted Xmas one year.

She measured out everyone’s Christmas lunch portions so her and her husband would have enough left over for bubble and squeak the next day 🤣

We each ended up with a single roast potato each and a sliver of meat + microscopic dabs of trimmings. She then wrapped up an actual mountain of leftover food and said there will be no seconds. Everyone was too shocked to say anything.

Awful cousin severed herself three Yorkshire puddings though while we were all restricted to one 😒

She has a minor mental health issue.
Don't embarress her.
Forget about it; put all the past instances behind you.
Do not take it to heart.
Start afresh every minute and answer ..

"I'm so glad you love it/enjoyed it, thank you!
Sorry, no, I'm using that tomorrow for lunch.
Would you like the recipe?"
Always have a light hearted answer to diffuse her comment.

Another thing you could do is to prepare her a small recipe book, listing all the dishes of the day. Get your kids to make one for her. Or have a festive little cake box (surprise) with a couple of left overs in it for her car trip home.

It's just her quirky personality.

When she starts asking about taking food home, say "sorry SIL, we're not sending any food home with people this year. Everything is for eating now, or we'll enjoy any leftovers tomorrow"

And then anytime she asks say "cheeky! We're not doing food parcels this year, remember!"

Get DH onside so you're presenting a united front.

5.05 is a perfectly reasonable time to be awake!

What's she like in regards to gift giving?

I’d head her off as soon as she walks in the door. “Merry Christmas Brenda, and before you ask, no you can’t take any food home with you and no you can’t have any of my presents, so don’t ask.”

Then, “I already told you no, Brenda. Do you not remember?” As often as necessary.