To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

Or the Mumsnet favourite, "Are you on glue?"

So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why.
It's 23rd December. If you didn't want her then you shouldn't have let DH invite them, or should have sorted this out a month ago when he did. YABVVVVVU to try to start a fight, uninvite or in any other way try to ruin their Christmas now, with no opportunity for them to even buy in the food for themselves.

Tell SIL and BIL on arrival that you will be keeping all leftovers, so please don't ask for any. If she asks for a gift say "ask BIL to get it got your birthday". In all other ways, just behave yourself for one day. You don't need to invite them in future years, but that's no reason to create drama this year.

I had a friend like this and one day I just said oh my God stop you sound like a lunatic. Follow up with banning her from regifts and leftovers.

This is also a time where my mums best phrase can be used to full effect

"Which part of no didn't you understand?!"

I agree with the text beforehand to say no leftovers so they should make sure they get food in for Boxing Day. And a sharp comment the first time she asks for a gift on the day.

You can’t uninvited at this late stage. But don’t let DH invite them again. You never know , if DH has already mentioned it to BiL , he might have spoken to her about the behaviour already. 🤞🏼

What do you say to her? I would just keep on saying no very calmly. No I’m keeping that, No we’re eating that tomorrow. If she carries on ‘please stop asking for things’. You’re already in the point of uninviting her so you’ve nothing to lose in being direct with her. She may not understand what she’s doing and need it spelled out. If Bil is right and she’s embarrassed she will stop. If she doesn’t stop she’s just a twat and then you don’t invite her again.

I think I would tell her she was a cheeky mare and start doing the same for every present that she opened until she got the jist. Or I'd start suggesting trades: 'I'll trade your designer handbag for the turkey and sprout leftovers!' But I like behaving a bit silly when people act like CFs.

I think it’s too late to cancel this year, as it would leave them in the lurch regarding buying their own food.
Not at all – shops are open today and tomorrow, SIL will simply have to spend some of her own money. I wouldn’t want to have to spend my christmas doing any of the suggestions here to police an adult being this fucking insane.

Ask her “Aren’t you ever embarrassed?”

I think I'd go the other way.

"Oh, I am having the leftover sprouts..."
"Sorry, but auntie Joan will eat the leftovers. She likes to have a good fart along with my DC!"

If BILs worried about her getting embarrassed he can say something to her himself. I'd be doing gifts before they come over and yes telling her she gets to take zero things home including leftovers and she isnt to ask anybody to give her their gifts and if she doesn't like that she doesn't need to come. When she's there be a broken record and stick to your boundaries. No SIL that belongs to x, no one is regifting. No SIL we've already said that you're not taking any leftovers home so we may as well all eat as much as we want. Its not going to be very comfortable, but it needs to be done.

I think it is too late to address it 2 days before Christmas or cancel them. You should have done it when they were invited.
However you can thwart her and turn it into a joke every time she says anything.
Eventually she will either look silly or BIL will shut her up. Dont let it wind you up, but address it in advance next time!

I may have missed it but do they bring anything when they come? Do they ever do their own hosting and hard work?

I would be very happy if someone did ask for leftovers especially as I'm not a good cook but I feel like she's asking for leftovers so they don't have to do any work that night or the next day and get to benefit from your work twice as well as not having to pay for those meals.

What's she doing with the gifts she's trying to grab? Regifting/ selling on to save or make money from you?

I would be asking DH to have a word about BIL before things blow up. Her behaviour is embarrassing.

I wouldn’t uninvite at this stage - I think that will upset bil who I suspect will be single by this time next year.

I would follow other people’s suggestions of saying no calmly but firmly each time she asks for something, with no explanation or softening.

I suspect she hasn’t realised how she’s coming across- I suspect she thinks that there is an element of a compliment asking for leftovers of food you’ve cooked or to have things that you’ve finished with - and if you’ve always dealt with it tactfully she probably hasn’t realised it’s irritating you.

If it happens a lot or she calls you on the “no” then I’d say to her sympathetically “it’s hard getting used to other family’s norm’s isn’t it. But it our family we don’t ask for things like that”

Exactly this. Shut her down each time.

I don't think SIL is embarrassed by her behaviour or she'd stop.

I think BIL is embarrassed by his wife's behaviour and would rather you pretend it's normal than point out the obvious in front of guests.

As for being up. I've been up since 5! Ds is a swimmer and so took him training. That's a lie in - usually up at 4 for a 5am training session. Holidays mean they are training 6-9am!

I seriously don't understand this. Why does she think it's normal behaviour? She is coming across as having Tourettes or something. What's wrong with her husband for putting up with it? Does she do it with other family members or her own family? It's one of the most insane things I've ever seen on mumsnet.

So BIL says you shouldn’t address it because she’s embarrassed? She doesn’t sound embarrassed in the slightest to me, sounds like he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want a scene.
i would tell BIL he needs to give her a warning to not do this, because you will be responding and telling her firmly no. Let him manage it then.

Does she give presents?

I would have one stock phrase that you use loudly and firmly each time she says something out of turn.

'That's enough of the scrounging Diane, we don't want to hear it!'

"For fuck's sake stop asking me for all my things! No, you can't take my food home. You can't have my presents." Say it loudly every single time.

There are some good suggestions here for the OP to manage SIL's demands/requests when directed at her, but can see the dilemma when the requests/demands are directed to others.

The letting the SIL know in advance that there will not be any leftovers going home. This can be presented as giving them the 'heads up' so they can buy any food they need. Then if she says anything during the meal, you can remind her that you have advanced notice of this - and reassure the rest of the diners to help themselves.

With regard to presents, you can also text to ask her to refrain from asking people to re-gift or pass on presents, saying these comments make people feel awkward and you know that's not her intention.

If she is unhappy with this, your BiL is around to provide support.

So many early morning replies. I would just match her unembarrassed requests with blunt, no it's mine/for everyone. What you think of as being rude, she won't even hear. Push back and don't invite her next year. Let us know how it goes.

If embarrassing her is the only way to make her stop, embarrass away. The first dibs she calls on a gift, ‘why would I give it away it’s gorgeous, then thank you so much much to the giver’ and repeat every single time. When it comes to dinner just shut it down straight away, no that’s tomorrow’s lunch it’s ours.

she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.
This is deranged. But I also don't like paying for things that I don't want to do so on this example I'm envious of her ;-) all the other things though - leftovers, presents etc, that's just rude.
Two ways to play this. You either just keep saying a firm "no", or you do a nice big declutter of all your stuff and keep it under the stairs. When she asks to take your lovely new clarins gift set say "oh this one's for me but I do have something I think you'd like" and produce the crappy home bargain face cream gift set you got from secret Santa four years ago. The Tupperware full of leftovers can come alongside a bag of just out of date half eaten rubbish from the back of the cupboard.
I'm expecting an update on this thread on Xmas day.......