To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

Strip the turkey for yourself and then give her the carcass to take home.

Laugh at anything and everything she tries to claim.
“I’ll take the leftover Turkey” Laugh oh Susie you’re not on the breadline are you, don’t be silly. Susie, you’re not going to starve tomorrow.
Then when she’s leaving give her one biscuit, elaborately wrapped and just say ‘ so you don’t starve on the way home”
Then never invite her again. She’s very strange.

The drama of uninviting at this stage would be too much for me so I’d go with a hard stare and ‘you do know you are being incredibly rude and inappropriate don’t you?’, then if she tried it again - ‘rude again, enough of that’ and as someone said above a final straw of ‘SIL you are ruining my Christmas, stop it or leave. Food is for eating today and any leftovers are staying here for the chef’ Do not invite them next year, everyone will know why!

She sounds unbearable.
Aside from uninviting her, it seems the only weapon that might have an impact is her "embarrassment" at being told not scrounge, though she sounds so thick skinned it must have quite a high bar.

So to everything she asks for/demands you say "NO, stop scrounging!", like she is a naughty labrador begging for scraps. Rinse and repeat. perhaps also consider rapping her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper

My sister once had a friend like that (not for long thank goodness). She'd turn up and start looking around our house and if she spotted something she liked she'd announce "oo I'm taking this home, finders keepers". My sister had to actually remove things from her hands and tell her she couldn't have it - it wasn't "lost" and she hadn't "found" it. This was mean and unwelcoming of her apparently!

She'll be embarrasse! is he having a laugh-the woman is a scrounger

id be plating up indivually an not putting out anything if it helps then put away all your leftovers

I disagree that she shouldn’t be tackled, but if subtlety would work on her then maybe the recipe book idea is a good one, and light hearted answers (if they don’t work, then be more direct/blunt).

it sounds as though things have gone beyond the jokey responses and tinkly laughs. how would it go if you and husband had speakerphone conversation with her and bil, not to say she shouldn't do this or that but to tell her that this behaviour is spoiling it for and embarrassing everyone else? depending on what she says they can come or not come but it is your and husband's choice. Then follow up with a text confirming what's been agreed that you can forward to her at any further hint of this frankly astonishing behaviour.

I think the only way to tackle this is for DH to ring his brother and say, everyone finds Mary's grabbiness really awkward and particularly as Addy's boss will be joining us this year, can you please tell her NOT to ask for other people's presents/leftovers and try to limit what others can eat to allow for more leftovers for her? And give him the heads up that she will be pushed back every single time she does it, so if she doesn't want to be embarrassed, just don't fucking do it. And, furthermore, she'll never be invited to another meal at yours if she does.

I ahven't read all of the replies, but to me this is not one you address in advance - that's just causing upset - but rather, as other posters hav said, like a child being taught lessons. "No SIL, this is MY gift. I am NOT going to give it to you." "No SIL, you can't have these leftovers, they are for our family". "No SIL, everyone can eat as much as they like."

We had a somewhat similar situation with exBIL in that part of his manipulation and control of SIL was to cause an argument before they came over, and then for HIM to act like he was upset etc. His goal was to make HER look like the baddy - if asked, he say soemthing like, "Oh, sorry, I just need to shake it off but SIL can be really harsh sometimes" or something passive aggressive. So DH and i started treating him like a rude teenager. He'd turn up and barely greet anyone and we'd say, "HI! Hello - yes, nice ot see you" in a slightly sarcastic way.

It worked. He stopped turning up and being sulky at our house. It didnt stop any of his overall shitty behaviour, but at least we stopped having to deal with that!

It is 100% the BIL that is embarassed. SIL has zero shame and crying when she’s called out just proves this further. I would start with “I want doesn’t get” and then get progressively harsher as the day goes on. Purposefully announce at the start of the meal that everyone is to eat their fill and you want to see no leftovers. Light heartedly of course. Then if SIL says she wants to take some home point out, loudly, she didn’t bring any of this food, and/or that she can take home any leftovers of what she did bring.

If BIL says anything in her defence stand your ground. “You can’t possibly think it’s acceptable to swarm around someone else’s Christmas gifts like a starved hyena, can you!? Christmas is for everyone to enjoy and receive, not just SIL. If she hasn’t learned how to behave she won’t ever be invited again.”

You're as wicked as I am, fun isn't it!!!!

'No' is a complete sentence
as is
'No you stingy bitch. Now fuck off '.

If she gets embarrassed by being called out, then embarrass her. She'll stop.
"Don't be ridiculous, nobody is taking leftovers home! That's our lunch tomorrow!" Will do for the food.
And if she asks for your presents tell her to fuck off and laugh 🤣

Put less on the table and keep some food back for when those dishes become empty.
Also, could you 'invent' a neighbour who isn't well and you are keeping some food back to plate them up a couple of meals whilst they're feeling under the weather?

Wishing you the best with discussing it with BiL, OP.

I really do think she has to be in on the talk, though, because I would want her to hear it, know I wasn't budging, hear her actually AGREE to cut it out, and not risk BiL perhaps filtering the details down to her afterwards...
You know you've got to say something, anyway, and being extremely clear beforehand is saving her 'embarrassment' in front of everyone else.

I very rarely agree with this advice because I think it’s so rude, but in this instance “No” really is a complete sentence.

I agree @latetothefisting best to be as specific and direct as possible with this sort of person.

I should have said no to them coming but I really like people coming. I'm NC with my own family and only my manager and his wife come that are my guests, the rest are DH family and friends.
I think today will be an awkward phone call to BIL to let him know it's either got to be addressed and her told no or they can't come. I know it's last minute to do this but the anxiety I get from the tension on Christmas day isn't worth all this

Yeah I think this is the best way forward, the only alternative is for your husband to speak up but if you don’t think he’s up to speaking as plainly as he should just do it yourself. If she comes and does it again, then you say no next year.

Tbh I can appreciate how it was more tricky for you to say no considering you already don’t have a lot of family you’re in contact with.

It’s easy for people who haven’t gone NC/LC with their own family, to say don’t invite SIL, but it’s different when you’re in that situation - you do try to value the family relationships you have left and perhaps give a bit more grace.

I wonder if she comes from a family where no-one can go home empty handed, and regards it as normal?

My MIL is always trying to palm of leftovers and unwanted old shite on people, and she's very insistent. Last time I visited she actually followed me out of the front door with a piece of (disgusting, bought) cake covered in cling film and handed it to me as I got in the car. She's a dreadful cook and her leftovers go straight in the bin when I get home.

If your SIL comes from a family like that, she might think it's rude of you to let her go home empty handed!

Actually, it would be funnier to send her home with a single sprout in the biggest one.

just saw your update that your manager is coming for christmas! In which case yes it will be even more embarrassing to have scabby mccheapskate doing her thing and telling them not to eat too much!

You need to ring her now and have that conversation and be as specific as possible, not just 'please don't behave like you usually do,' but 'Do not ask for anyone else's presents, even if they don't seem to like them,' 'You will not be taking any food home with you. Even if there are leftovers they will be staying in my house.' 'If you are offered one biscuit do not ask for another one.'
Maybe put it in a text instead of ringing/send the text after the phone call so there is absolutely no confusion.

Tell her if she make one comment you'll be asking her to leave. If she's happy to agree to that they are still very welcome and you are looking forward to having them, but if she can't she'll have to stay home.

Does she buy you presents, out of interest? I'm assuming she doesn't contribute to the cost of hosting! tbh I don't know why you invite her, I'm sure there are other much less weird and much more grateful people you could have over if you enjoy hosting.

I am definitely in the bugger what BIL says about her being embarrassed. She should be embarrassed by her behaviour

For presents - no it's mine! Or hahaha you're funny!

For leftovers say 'we're not doing doggy bags we're keeping leftovers here' on repeat

I think the pair of them are well beyond being shamed in any way.

Certainly not SIL. These are my presents.
No SIL please dont ask my guests to restrict their food for your benefit. That's just rude. There will be no leftovers. We're keeping the lot/ or if you feel like it... we will be sharing equally amongst all guests. Don't ask me again.
You will have to face up to her. Her blazen cheek is astounding. Whatever happens you have to answer her cheeky demands with firm but polite NOs.