To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

I would be very direct and loudly say 'what part of stop scrounging do you not understand' when the pouting and tears start, tell her to leave, with a preprepared shit sandwich as her doggy bag.
The reason she does it is because everyone lets her. At least they won't ask to come again.
Scroungers boil my piss.

Part of the problem is that her behaviour is so beyond the pale that nice people don’t want to embarrass her or have majorly awkward conversations, so they allow themselves to feel uncomfortable (like you, worrying in the early hours of the morning) rather than say anything. The one time someone did speak up, she acted like a victim.

She’s not poor or needy, she’s rude. Asking people for their presents is so cheeky, as is taking food from their homes in a bag when they haven’t offered it to her.

Nobody has been firm enough about any of this before but she now needs telling that her rude behaviour won’t be overlooked over any more just for the sake of not offending her.

I agree with @Tortielady that it’s going to need a ‘ripping off the sticking plaster’ approach for it to finally penetrate her very thick skin. And it needs to be done over the phone, so it’s effectively a neutral environment. Speak to BIL and say are looking forward to seeing him but you must let him know about a delicate situation that you’d like his help handling. You’ve reached a point where his wife’s behaviour around things which don’t belong to her / haven’t been offered to her is making her difficult to host as it seems nothing you provide is enough. Give examples: asking for extra gifts, extra food, removing items from your house. Tell him that it can’t be tolerated anymore so he’ll need to speak to her about this and get reassurances that she’ll conduct herself politely in your home or this will be the last chance you’ll offer to host her.

And then, hopefully, have a good night’s sleep knowing this will be the start of a change for the good. Either she won’t be a CF, or she won’t be coming again.

Please keep us updated how it goes OP!

She sounds deranged.

I would have a bag ready to shove all your presents into once you've unwrapped them and remove them from the living room (or wherever) immediately so that the magpie can't see them.

Telling your other guests not to eat your food is ridiculous. If she asks people to leave stuff, say: oh no it's fine, please help yourselves, we made it for everyone to enjoy.

What an insufferable cunt. Can you go away next christmas?

Try and brush over it and pretend you don’t think she’s serious.

If she asks for your gifts just laugh as if you think she is joking, it is such a ridiculous thing to say at the time of opening that you’d have to assume she was joking.

If she asks for leftovers just clarify, in a smiley and lighthearted way, to everyone around the table that they should eat as much as they like and not take SIL seriously. Big smile. If she asks again, maybe when there actually are leftovers and everyone has finished, say something like ‘oh don’t you worry, this won’t get wasted; I’m looking forward to xyz tomorrow’

Absolutely just get your dh to speak to his brother and tell him to have a word with her first before them come.
I'd also just cut her off with ' only this again!' No you can't have my gifts and no you can't have our left overs are we are planning on living on them till new years. Queue tinkly laugh.

I really can’t wait for the Boxing Day update!

The asking for the gifts if you don't want them is bizarre.

“BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed.”

Good. She SHOULD be embarrassed by her behaviour.

Call her out.

Text BIL to remind SIL not to ask for other peoples things or left overs.
also (from SIL saying she won’t pay for anything) ask for a £ contribution towards lunch as you always do it, or tell them what they need to bring eg wine, pudding, cheese and biscuits etc (and make sure you leave all the turkey for Boxing Day and gorge on what they do bring so there’s no left overs from their offerings to take back)

'On Christmas I try to laugh it off and just say no when she asks for presents but it just goes further where she will then say its not my sort of thing and she'd get more out of it, '

If she does that, I'd just say, "Well, that's irrelevant because it's mine, not yours." But if you want to uninvite them, do it.

Mental health issue? She’s just tight and greedy.

What was her upbringing like?
Was there food insecurity for example?

"She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed."
So BIL is a problem too. And either deluded or a liar, because this women is embarrassed by nothing.

I would probably start taking great delight in being rude to her. I wouldn't just say 'no', I'd be saying 'Hell no, you greedy cow!' with a look of disgust on my face. And I wouldn't care about anything BIL said, because he's facilitating her shit.

But really - I would not have invited her, and told her why. There's still time to rescind the invite - do that.

I think you are thinking too. Much about this. When she turns up, say very clearly and loudly that today is a no scrounge day. She is not to ask for left overs, doggy bags or unwanted presents as it’s not in the spirit of Christmas and it’s quite off putting. Then ask her what she wants for a drink and move on with the day.

She is badly mannered but get in there first and then carry on. If she then scrounges again remind her of what you said and always refuse her anything extra.

Then never invite her to yours again

This! No fannying about. Just no. Don't argue, negotiate, tread carefully etc. If you upset them then remind them a refusal often offends and they can find their way out. Just leave the food, crackers, nuts and silverware.

I'd have a very difficult time hiding my annoyance with her, and tbh, I think I'd stop trying. I'd either openly laugh/roll my eyes, say 'no' to all her weird requests (or demands), or simply pretend I didn't hear her. Well, that's what I'd like to do; not sure I'd manage it in the moment, so strong is the urge to avoid awkwardness. But only reading the opening post inspired fantasies of slapping her, so maybe it would be only too easy to fight rudeness with rudeness!

BIL needs to accept that his wife's behaviour is unbearably rude, awkward, and unacceptable, and as such, it will elicit negative responses. That's how people learn not to be a menace to society: Negative responses teach us to do better.

If your manager is going to be there NONE of these suggestions of “calling out” or saying no are going to work.

I suspect it’s part of the reason you’re so worried because of how it will look to him/her.

You need to uninvite her and do it now. Tell your DH to phone and say that you cannot have SIL there because her behaviour is too embarrassing and you’re all tired of pandering to her. Don’t be put off, don’t accept promises that she will behave and put your foot down. The supermarkets are all open this evening and tomorrow so they can do their own thing.

Why do you care about what these people think ? They do not care one jot about you so return the favour. If they cut you off then, really, what loss is it anyway?

Ah I see we have another “I’ve never witnessed this so therefore it can’t have happened”

Years ago a close friend had a boyfriend like this, we called it an 'eternal student' mentally. But none of us were like that and the core group had met as students. We hated it. On holiday in shared villa one of the girls flipped, she said 'Stop begging. It's embarassing, you're like a slobbering fucking Labrador and we are all sick of it'. He tried to laugh it off and then got defensive, to be fair he stopped but they broke up soon after.

You need to take control and your DH is not dealing with this and it's still a problem. I think you need to send her a text saying. See you 11 and please DO NOT ASK for anything, food, leftovers, presents we don't like it. That way, she is not embarassed as it's not in a public setting but she knows the score. If she ignores the request use the 'Stop begging you're like a slobbering labrador line'

No need to say anything beforehand. The first time she does it, just say no. Repeat as necessary. Make it clear that you won’t be giving her any leftovers as you want them yourself.

"Annabelle, please don’t keep asking me for things! It’s embarrassing."

Is this your SIL….

www.facebook.com/share/r/1HTSyS6Cqq/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Hope you can resolve it OP.

Your update shows how much BIL is enabling her. I would cancel them. If she she won’t respond to being told no and he is not prepared to tell her to stop then why should your put up with it? Don’t have them over - they are both antisocial.

So she has actually given you permission to disinvite her, in an obtuse way: would she prefer not to attend if she has to stop asking for stuff and knows in advance she cannot have leftovers?