To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

Option 3 when she starts squirreling, and she will, show her the door.

Ah I see we have another gullible poster.

Spot on.

Not bad form to refuse rude guests attendance.

Especially when their form on attendance is bad!

I really wouldn't. I would treat her with compassion and respect whilst maintaining clear boundaries. Like with a toddler or a puppy. It would be absolutely no skin off my nose to say no. If she told people in my home not to eat the food I was offering, it would be no skin off my nose to say "Ignore SIL and please eat as much as you can manage".

This is honestly such a non-issue. She isn't hurting anyone. She isn't stealing anything. She is annoying. But she doesn't live with OP. It's an occasional annoyance.

But like I said if OP struggles to cope with it then it is her right to stop seeing her.

You're as wicked as I am, fun isn't it!!!!

but BIL has asked us to leave it alone

I think that that is reason enough to cancel tbh.

"we don't want to hear her begging for food & gifts & have to ignore it. Best you don't come"

You just need to be firm. No Janet you may not have my Xmas present, please stop asking. No Janet you cannot take leftovers home. Sounds like she needs to be embarrassed to make her stop!

What happens if you tell her no? Does she just take it anyway? Wonder what a firm “no that won’t be happening” repeated over and over would do? She only gets away with it because she is allowed to get away with it. It’s weird that she is shameless but also supposedly feels embarrassed? Embarrassed about what exactly? I would just stand firm and keep repeating the same line over and over with regards to food and leftovers.

With presents, I would honestly ignore her completely. Let the silence hang if she asks about taking your presents and then move on. Do not give it any attention whatsoever.

I bet if this kept happening to you you’d see it as more than a “minor inconvenience”

You have tried everything and nothing has worked. Because this sounds like a compulsion. So your choices are to either see it as the minor inconvenience it is or to stop seeing her.

I'm uncomfortable with the amount of people telling OP to tell BIL to speak to his wife. Why? Why can't a grown woman talk to another grown woman about an issue she has with her?

She is an arsehole and so is her husband for condoning this behaviour . Uninvite and don't invite them ever again. I would not even bother going out for meals either if that is her attitude. Bloody free loader.

Yeah, but how awkward for this to play out before one of OP's work colleagues. That's just grim, grim, grim.

Bin them out now and enjoy a pleasant day. For everyone's sake.

It seems as though she has some sort of deep-rooted personality disorder. Not your problem or cross to bear.

Sorry but there is no fucking way I'd have this woman in my house on Christmas. Nor anyone who made me lie awake and dread them. Call or text now to rescind the invitation. You don't need to say why; just say "It won't work for us this year. Have a pleasant day." You wil be utterly relieved the minute you take back control.

I mean, it's your party, your house, your Christmas! Why should you not have it as you like?

Agree with getting her husband to tell her in advance, or you will do it in front of everyone. That might stop her. Personally I wouldn't have allowed another invitation to be issued to this grabbing cow.

It seems to me that previous attempts to make her stop or shame her havent worked. But you don't say what BIL is doing /reacting when these requests are made. If its not much I would address all remarks to him.

" Aw I didnt know you werent doing so well in your job Bill"
"Are you struggling for food Bill - I'll get you the food banks address"
" Poor you Bill - cant afford to buy your wife a present of have food in the house"

Said in an innocent tone he cant complain as its obvious his wife is begging and what else can you construe from that?

That type of remark made in front of strangers ( your manager and wife ) should get a reaction of some sort.

Hope it went ok @Addyview, you must be knackered after a terrible sleep.

i don’t … but it does sound a bit compulsive - the extent the SIL is behaving inspite of pushback from family.
may be easier for OP to accept this Xmas if she thinks she’s not well. Doesn’t mean she can’t still continue to push back and be firm.

but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed.

Well she doesn't... because she keeps doing it. If she was embarrassed she would acknowledge and stop.

This isn't something out of her control (like pointing out someone has BO due to a medical issue or rushing to the toilet for IBS etc... things that can't be helped but would be really rude to point out) its something she is actively doing because seemingly no one is calling her on it.

I so want the press to pick up this thread and make it to the national press! Do you think your cheeky fucker sister in law would recognise herself?

The thing is, if you make a big thing of it in advance and need to have 'a discussion' I think she'd just act all shocked and hurt and make out she doesn't know what on earth you mean. She'll deny it and get all defensive and wounded. It will cause a bad atmosphere either way.

I think it's just easier to deal with it as it happens. Be prepared for it and shoot her down with some one liners. Either very firm and assertive 'nope sorry, you can't have it, we can get another dinner out of that for tomorrow' or as others have said, roll your eyes and make a joke of it.

Say no stop asking every single time she asks for something and stop inviting them.

Could you fill a SEALED box with crap you don't want and say, "I've already set aside some things for you." Could save you a trip to the tip.

I haven't voted OP but I do know it's near impossible to change the mindset of a stingy person.

I think if the OP and her DH are as bothered by this as she says then they never should have invited them in the first place. But given that they have, it's not really on to cancel at such short notice based on nothing at all other than the fear that she might do it again. That's just seriously weird behaviour. Besides which, it doesn't make the problem go away. Unless they are never going to have them in their house again, they just need to learn to deal with her as and when it happens.

This! Laugh out loud as you say it and make a big joke out of her scrounging , then ignore any further requests.

otherwise say “only dogs beg for scraps sil !” And again, laugh it off.