Partner spending Christmas with ex-wife/kids/friends.

He is far too involved with ex wife and cancelling your plans to go off to see family friends with his exwife is unreasonable and unfair to you.

I also think he has issues. Usually it's a good sign when men initiate separations as it indicates its "over" in their heads as well as the physical end to the relationship. The fact he's choosing to hang round with her so much is bad news especially as she felt the need to be abusive towards him.
After three years there's no reason you can't be part of Christmas with him and his kids after their family day. He shouldn't be excluding you from plans that came after you had arrangements. Did he invite you at any point to meet this mate?

Not normal

Does his kids know you?

Children should come first. His ex wife shouldn't. And his friends certainly shouldn't. I think you have seen exactly where you fit here - he doesn't see you at Christmas at all. He, in fact, cancelled his plans to see you at short notice. This sounds awful and lonely and you are being treated as an afterthought and somebody that he can simply cancel plans at short notice. I have some sympathy for the formerly abusive wife here.

I would leave. Return any Christmas presents you have bought for him and his children and start prioritising yourself. In fact, I'm mean enough that I'd just block his number - permanently. You never know it might take him a while to notice - you know when he has a spare hour he is thinking of granting you. You owe him nothing.

Not all divorced fathers behave like selfish asses but when single, I went for childless, and really I think that it is something to aim for in future.

He's probably still having sex as well. Very enmeshed. @melissajreyes Dump, find someone with less baggage.

I went to all your replies to get a jist and OP you arnt being treated fairly here at all. 3 years with someone and you are still being on your own at Christmas and other events, while he goes and plays happy families with the ex wife?? Goes on holidays too? HA!

"It's for the kids" 13 and 17...

He is mugging you off. You sound like the other woman and you arnt! You have put up with alot by sounds of it but it's time to have a man fully available for you!

Lots of men have kids, along with divorce and don't treat their girlfriends this way and they certainly dont piss off on regular ex family events! You deserve better!

He is far too involved with his ex wife

You are never going to be a priority in his life.

I'm sorry OP but it would be better for you if you ended your relationship with him.

Have you met the friends who are doing the inviting over @melissajreyes ? Do you have a relationship with them, too?

He's never going to tell his ex wife he already has plans with you and will always choose to spend time with her. His kids are teenagers, if they wanted to hang out with his friends kids they already would be.

He's a CF and using you until a better option comes along. He didn't choose spending time with his kids, he's choosing his friends and ex wife over you. He already had plans, his friends would have understood that.

You deserve someone who keeps their commitments to you. Dump him.

High Days, holidays and holidays abroad with the kids no problem.

Holidays abroad with the ex wife when you're 3 years in and you've got a relationship with the kids? No!

He isn't just a father, he's still acting like a husband who can have a side piece, being the side piece can't be a comfortable place when you thought you were the girl friend

Wouldn't it be simpler to date people without children if people can't handle parents doing things with children? Parents split up constantly and complain 'where is the father in all this?' so a father spends time with his children and now people are complaining about this

I feel women can learn a lot from men. People may call men selfish and perhaps they can be, but sometimes they’re just a bit more savvy.

I struggle to see any child-free man dating a woman his age (let alone 8 years older), who has kids and an ex husband that she travels and spends Christmas and other major holidays with. Most men would just say no way and be out of there so quick.

And yet so often we see women being roped into thinking they must accept this with a smile on their face when they’re better off just leaving.

Once a guy with 3 kids was trying to argue with me regarding my “no men with kids” rule. He told me it’s very rewarding to help raise other people’s kids and be there for your partner even if you can never be their first priority.

I told him if he feels that ,he should go find a single mother who will not prioritise him and help raise her kids and be happy about it.

I think this is a situation that is going to be happening more and more with subsequent relationships, because so many couples seem to do this seperated but together thing for major holidays- although it usually (although I could be wrong) seems to o my work until the mum is in a new relationship, then it stops. I don't blame you for being g disappointed Ted, but it sounds like it will be the way it is for many for years.

Honestly, I don’t think he’s either ready or available for a relationship. Kids celebrations and events yes - but it’s summer holidays and skiing with both of them. It’s ok if they want to get back together and/or co-parent in a really close way. It sounds as though you’re missing in the relationship, and you need to work out if this is enough for you.

I think you're getting some shitty replies here. I dont think many people would be happy with what he's doing here. It's not about the kids at all, it's the relationship he still has with the ex. Fucking your plans off because he got a better offer? That's shite. If the co-parenting relationship was so healthy why can't you be part of the plans and part of the invite too?

With his youngest being 13, that's a long way to go until they've maybe moved out of home or family Christmas dynamics change. Also it's a lot of Christmas/holidays for you to spend apart. I'd probably cut my losses if it's not working out for you OP. Absolutely it's only right that he spends time with his kids... But you need to feel that you're not always going to come last in any plans too.

If he cancels plans to spend time with his children, then no problem, f he is cancelling plans to spend time with ex-wife and children, well OK depending ont he circumstances.

To go on a holiday abroad with ex-wife and children .......... Nah!

It doesn't work for you OP, he knows he is being unreasonable to you because he tells you he recognises that but still goes ahead and does it anyway .... Nah!

3 years in things should be getting serious and you going on holidays abroad with him and the children not with the ex wife! That's not on

Not if the woman was unwell and is now medicated? Tbh any father who cared about their children would want to be there to make sure big occasions were OK for them. At the end of the day children 99 times out of 100 want to celebrate events with both their parents. It's sensible to safeguard his kids.

You 'don't mind' him spending time with his children on Christmas day???

You aren't compatible. You need a man with no children or adult children. You don't seem to have any relationship with his children, who are clearly very important to him. Which is odd 3 years in. Essentially for you to get what you need he has to disappoint his children and rightly he isn't going to do that. I would move on tbh.

Do you think that he might want to reconcile with her now that her abusive behaviour is controlled with medication? He does seem to be having his cake and eating it at the moment as you are available when it suits him.

OP quite simply - don’t date men with kids. Find yourself a nice man your age without all that baggage of spending Christmas with his ex wife. Ugh. That’s just too much. How old are you?

To be clear, I think it’s right and good that a person prioritises his kids,( who wants to be with a deadbeat dad?!) but then as lovely as it is that they are parenting correctly and putting their kids first, I don’t think it’s fair in the long term on the person without kids to be constantly deprioritised. You’re only human so you will feel sidelined.

So the best thing all round in this instance is for him to date a woman with kids and for you to date a man without kids.

I’d never interfere in a man’s relationship with his ex or his kids - which is why I just steer clear to begin with!

That’s way too much time together

and really very weird for him to spend that much time with someone who abused him.

this man isn’t present for you. I’d seriously consider ending things.