Partner spending Christmas with ex-wife/kids/friends.

This.

Do you live together or date?

I absolutely agree with you. Co-parents that i know (including myself) never spend Xmas Day together- one of them has the children on Boxing Day and then a every year we swap. It is fair. Blended families are hard.

Really? Clearly you've never been in this situation yourself. You think it's acceptable for her partner to cancel plans with her on Xmas day to go and play happy families on a double date with another couple and his ex wife, and it's ok because it's "for the sake of the kids"? It's not. It's beyond weird. If somebody ditched me like this on Xmas day I would be ditching them permanently.

How are you op? Did this get resolved? I remembered your post when I met with a friend who is having similar issues!

I will reply properly when I have time but this is basically the same as I've gone through even to the fact he's 8 years older but I am finishing my relationship with him.
I have always encouraged him to spend time with his kids and he does he has them 50/50 sometimes more.
But I am done this Christmas. The final straw was Nye and I do understand how you are feeling.
I hope everything have worked out in the end

He really should have turned down the offer as he had plans with you, or have taken you. That little bit of gut instinct- listen to it as you cannot be 2nd all the time.

Yes. All our children are happy like this.
So. Works for us. Thanks.

@superplumb That’s ridiculous. Why should this man have his cake and eat it ?

He was meant to spend it with his ex and kids during the day then hang out with Op in the evening. He chose to unceremoniously ditch OP last minute and as a result of his decision they didn’t spend any part of Christmas Day together. He should deal with the consequences of that.

Women need to stop enabling this crap and being so passive. I hope she’s ended things never mind planning “another Xmas day” - talk about accepting crumbs! Embarrassing 😵‍💫

What do you both do for work? Can you arrange another xmas day between just the two of you?

Agree with both of you. I always date my age or slightly younger/older. I do feel it can be enabling misogyny to date these much older men who refuse to stay with or date women their own age.

I once dated a guy my age who was divorced in his late 20s with no kids. He told me he kept in contact with his ex’s sister and child as he was close to his niece but he didn’t speak to his ex.

A few weeks later he said his ex had “surprised” him and came round with his favourite cookies for his birthday, and cleaned his kitchen etc. Then as time went on it was clear they had some weird relationship, despite the fact she had moved on with a new partner and even fell pregnant.

There was constant triangulation which got worse. I ended things after a few months, but I was creeping on his social media a year later and I saw he was now the godfather of his ex’s child and had the kid splashed all over his social media! So glad I got out when I did - good luck to his future partner!

Agree. Dh and I dated for 1.5 years and then were engaged, and married about 2 years after we met. Three years is a significant amount of time

Ooh this would upset me. Maybe ibu but it genuinely would

Hard agree

@OneAmberFinch
most men with ex’s do not come clean about their situation until you are really deep into the relationship. They paint a very amicable picture, all hanky dory then the ex family hits! You try your best to be the best new step mum to be/ step mum, but you are castigated from the off! Nothing is ever right. Not worth it love, Just find a single guy and date them and have a beautiful peace of mind.

Break up with him and encourage him to get back together with his wife.

Fewer men might break up families if their chances of getting together with a woman a decade younger weren't so high...

I don't know any other family who'd do Christmas like that but each to their own.
All people I know (including my own blended family) spend Christmas etc NOT together with their exes
🫠 We feel it's healthy and all the children are happy this way which is the most important thing

if I was to start allover again I would NEVER get involved with a man with an ex and kids. Not all but majority are a nightmare, if you can I would advise you to move on from this mess which will hurt you beyond words.
If they are amicable as they claim then you should have been invited to the party as no bad feelings. Find a man you can start with love. It’s about to get worse.

They aren't a nuclear family, mum and dad are not in a relationship.

Next Christmas invite his children and his wife to Christmas lunch , see what he says then !

So I cooked our family Christmas dinner at my ex's house. Our son is 18.
I also dropped my daughter who's 7 off with him when she broke up from school last Friday. Myself and hubby (daughter's dad) arrived here for Christmas on Christmas Eve and usually stay till 27th.
We've been doing it this way for the last 8 years.
When you have kids, you're still a family.
Get involved?

Did he ask you if it was OK by you when he told you he had agreed to go jazzing with kids, ex and mates?

Where do they 'travel' tigether? Commute to work, go off on long drives? Jet off for weekends?

Agree it’s sounds like you’re the mistress…..time to end it.

Misinformed? The first post said it all!

@KhakiOrca clearly they hadn't. No need to be aggressive.
Point out why they are mis informed and move on.