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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave the mess. Even if it means DM can't visit on Xmas day?

154 replies

Messedupabit · 23/12/2024 01:09

Single parent 2 adult DCs, 2 younger. For the past 3 weeks I have repeatedly told DCs I need them to help get the house sorted for Christmas. Older DCs were asked/told to sort hallway/stairs/landing. Younger DCs asked to do toilet/bathroom. Younger DCs have done everything asked of them. Older DCs have done fuck all.
I've stopped doing their washing as its hanging in the hallway, has been for weeks. Coats, shoes etc lying all over said hallway. Basket full of odd socks in hallway, post and packages on the stairs,unwanted clothes (on vinted apparently) dumped on the landing.
If it's not sorted my disabled DM can't come on Christmas morning to see DCs open their presents as she can't get through the hallway.
AIBU to leave it and give DC some responsibility for their laziness?

OP posts:
Original poster
Messedupabit · 24/12/2024 00:52

Haven't managed to read ever but had a ridiculous crying episode today so exh is coming in the morning (Christmas eve) to deal with it all while I take younger 2 out.
He won't let DM go without watching Santa's present opening.
New year, new me hopefully

OP posts:
Original poster
Messedupabit · 24/12/2024 00:47

BonneMaman77 · 23/12/2024 05:32

So the older ones are 18 and 19? How old are the younger ones? The older ones are setting a bad example and if you don’t deal with them now the younger ones will think it’s ok.

The price of not cleaning up and doing as they’re told under your roof needs to be considerable to make a difference.
especially when they know what they are not helping will stop their grandmother from being able to visit.

8 and 10

OP posts:
Browningstown · 23/12/2024 10:36

QuestionableMouse · 23/12/2024 01:31

I'd go around with black bags and chuck the lot in the garden (or equivalent area).

This.
Tell them they have 1 hour to sort stuff or its going out into the garden.
Do it.
They won't be long getting up.

My friend was sick of their shit lying about and gathered everything into bags and put them into the garage.
Phone chargers, bags, shoes, coats etc.
She couldn't remember where they were for 3 days.
Eventually said they are in the garage in black bags, next time they will be thrown out the back door.
It sorted it and them.
She's my hero😁

hiredandsqueak · 23/12/2024 10:32

I think you need new rules going forward as well as clutter and mess in hallways stairs and landing is a trip hazard and a worry if there was ever a fire. Here nothing is to be left hanging about in shared spaces, if it's not moved on first time of asking it's confiscated until I choose to give it back. Bedrooms are their space but need to be kept hygenic and reasonably tidy.I won't put up with living in a tip.

Bearhunt468 · 23/12/2024 10:29

BIossomtoes · 23/12/2024 09:42

Where do you think they’re going to go out for Christmas dinner? Everywhere’s been booked up since October.

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To be fair maybe round your way, but my way there are restaurants advertising they still have tables. But yes probably unlikely!

cansu · 23/12/2024 10:25

Why would you punish your mum for this??

Just puck up the shit belonging to your adult children and move it into their rooms. Why is something as simple as a bit of clutter taking weeks to deal with? If you wanted to it could be done in an hour or two max unless your house is a midden.

WrongWrongWrongAgain · 23/12/2024 10:10

QuestionableMouse · 23/12/2024 01:31

I'd go around with black bags and chuck the lot in the garden (or equivalent area).

A charity shop, more like, today. Anything they are that bothered about they can go and buy back.

Heronwatcher · 23/12/2024 09:56

Read them the riot act.
Tell them it’s done by 2pm today or it’s all going in a bin bag and then to the clothes recycling tomorrow.
Then you’ll be taking their presents back and using the money to buy replacement items for you/ younger kids if needed.
Plus after your DM comes round on Christmas morning you’ll be going back with her for dinner, taking all the Christmas food and they are not invited.
Go. Through. With. It.

BIossomtoes · 23/12/2024 09:52

I wouldn’t touch it. I’d be off to my mum’s for the day with the younger two and every component of Christmas. Leave them to stew in the mess on their own.

cuteyfluff · 23/12/2024 09:52

ToomanyMilesAway · 23/12/2024 09:51

Oh come on ....

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What? When my depression was bad I reallt struggled to do anything

ToomanyMilesAway · 23/12/2024 09:51

cuteyfluff · 23/12/2024 09:34

I'd worry if your eldest are depressed and maybe not looking forward to Christmas.

Could you play some jolly music and say right CHRISTMAS TIDY UP TIIIIME every body. Yes it's what you do with younger children but it might jolly them up. Pop a santa hat on them. Get a mince pie in them.

Oh come on ....

ToomanyMilesAway · 23/12/2024 09:50

I know you need to solve this problem immediately but is this the normal thing for them to do? If so then you need to rewrite your house rules.

Scutterbug · 23/12/2024 09:50

I would bag it all up and stick it in the loft!

cuteyfluff · 23/12/2024 09:49

TwinkleLights24 · 23/12/2024 09:48

I think you all need to do it. I’d be like right get down here we’re all doing an hours blitz.

Yeah I think so too. It's christmas so be a bit jolly about it

TwinkleLights24 · 23/12/2024 09:48

I think you all need to do it. I’d be like right get down here we’re all doing an hours blitz.

Whoyoutakingto · 23/12/2024 09:48

CymruChris · 23/12/2024 01:29

Don't miss out on time with your mum, and have her miss out too. Gather the stuff into bin bags and put it outside. Tell them its up to them to sort before the bin men take it!!

This do this, don’t put in their rooms just next to the bin.

BIossomtoes · 23/12/2024 09:42

Bearhunt468 · 23/12/2024 01:19

Id be returning any presents brought for them, use that funds to take you and your younger kids and DM somewhere nice for dinner! Id also just dump everything in their rooms. Are there own rooms nice and tidy coz they dumped it all in the landing?

Where do you think they’re going to go out for Christmas dinner? Everywhere’s been booked up since October.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 23/12/2024 09:40

Messedupabit · 23/12/2024 01:58

They so adore their older siblings as well. It's a difficult situation as younger ones don't see why older ones won't help but don't think santa will care because they (younger DCs) have been so good

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Well you put this onto the older DCs, it's their fault that the younger ones have to go to their GMs. You're looking for reasons not to follow through on your threats and that's why they treat you with such disrespect. They should feel ashamed that their GM can't visit on Christmas day.

nonbinaryfinery · 23/12/2024 09:36

"You've got five minutes to start cleaning this up or it's all going in the bin."

Doesn't matter if they have other plans, the mess gets done or it goes in the bin. Stand your ground.

cuteyfluff · 23/12/2024 09:34

I'd worry if your eldest are depressed and maybe not looking forward to Christmas.

Could you play some jolly music and say right CHRISTMAS TIDY UP TIIIIME every body. Yes it's what you do with younger children but it might jolly them up. Pop a santa hat on them. Get a mince pie in them.

JFDIYOLO · 23/12/2024 09:31

Dont exclude your mum because your family are being arseholes.

Tell them once more there need to tidy up for her sake.

And if not, you'll take the Christmas food & treats to hers and do it there.

They can fend for themselves in their mess.

PepperoniPizzas · 23/12/2024 09:28

@Messedupabit Considering taking younger DCs to hers for presents but they still believe in santa and are expecting him to come to their house

"Grandma just called....silly Santa put the presents in her house instead....shall we go and see??'

Had to blame Santa one year when Santa left a bag of DS gifts under the stairs and weren't found till lunchtime!

localnotail · 23/12/2024 09:26

Tell them they have exactly a day before all their crap is being collected in a binliner and donated/ thrown in the bin. Including shoes and jackets.

HellofromJohnCraven · 23/12/2024 09:24

I'd do 1 of 2 things. Have done both actually
Bin bag the lot. Put in the boot of your car. On the first day they are open you drive the entire lot to the tip
Or literally chuck it all in bedrooms and shut the door

Vaxtable · 23/12/2024 09:18

Just scoop it up into bin bags and dump in their bedrooms. If they carry on not doing stuff asked then next time don’t even put it in bags, throw it all into their rooms