Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is my Husband so miserable. 11 days post 2nd baby

162 replies

wizadora1991 · 22/12/2024 21:54

I am struggling to accept how miserable my Husband is to be around. We had our 2nd baby 11 days ago via c section. It was traumatic, although I have been actively up & about in & out of the house since about day 4

My husbands main responsibility has been our 2 year old, whilst I have breastfed our baby, as well as pumping some extra milk in between feeds for bottles

I am up breastfeeding baby during the night, with my Husband then changing her nappy after an hour or so’s feed. Last night he also gave her a bottle I prepared after a breastfeed, as her weight isn’t great. So his sleep is also broken

I however do need a nap during the day when our toddler naps. So i make sure to boob baby, prep a bottle for husband if needed & take myself off for an hour or so. Breastfeeding really does take it out of you!

Tonight i had my first bath since csection - BLISS! With our toddler which was so lovely. Baby was in her moses in the hall so I could keep an eye on her whilst I was finishing bathing & my Husband sorted toddler downstairs after toddler got out the bath. When toddler went to bed, I asked my Husband to take baby’s moses downstairs & i wouldnt be long

He text me when baby woke up, I ran him his own fresh bubble bath & got downstairs about 10 mins after he text me

Got downstairs, husband was holding baby. I had to wash bottles & fill the steriliser before I could feed as I have to pump after feeding

I could tell he was arsey. That took me another 10 or so mins. I’d made his bath boiling hot so it’d cool down in time for him going up

He’s just had a massive blow up at me saying ‘WHEN DO I GET A BREAK!!’ ‘I’ve looked after our toddler all day today and get no break!!’ He’s also got to walk the dogs tonight, so has stormed upstairs and drained the bath out of protest

I’m just at a loss, I know this time is also hard for him but i’m struggling to get past the fact he’s basically resenting me or something for napping when i need to & having the bath tonight

This sounds really pathetic putting it into words. I know he’s entitled to his feelings, but I’m just feeling a bit low after his words and attitude towards me

Am i being unreasonable to expect a bit more grace from him? Surely using our toddler as an excuse, when he also chose to be a dad, is uncalled for

OP posts:
Nc546888 · 22/12/2024 22:15

Hmm OP I think the best way to solve this is you do all the night stuff then he is well rested and can do as much day time stuff as he possibly can - more bottle washing and toddler care etc so he’s doing everything he can. Then you can say look youve had a full nights sleep, crack on with helping out.

in all honesty how useful is it having him at night bc tbh I found mine much better asleep in spare room and then taking baby and or toddler at 6am

fruitbrewhaha · 22/12/2024 22:15

I don’t understand why he needs to change her nappy after you’ve fed her in the night. After feeding I always found I fell back to sleep very quickly. There’s hormones at play here and one of the benefits of breastfeeding. He’s just knackered and may find he’s not really sleeping. Let him sleep tonight. Enough to get a 6 hour stretch at least. Then you can sleep when the baby sleeps.

cuteyfluff · 22/12/2024 22:14

Velvian · 22/12/2024 22:12

@cuteyfluff , OP had major surgery 11 days ago!

I'm well aware of that. But her support is saying he needs a break.

GreyBlackBay · 22/12/2024 22:14

It isn't a competition for who needs a break more. You both need one, figure out how to timetable it in.

Imo mum will always have it physically worst, you've just had 9 months of pregnancy and a birth to recover from, but mental health doesn't work like that, you may be much more resilient than him.

Talk to each other. See if you can agree on a routine.

louisianachild · 22/12/2024 22:13

@cuteyfluff she’s recovering from major surgery, it’s his job to step up right now. OP is the priority, he needs to realise that.

If he needs a break he is presumably perfectly capable of talking to his wife (who incidentally ran him a bath so he could take a break, which he then rejected in spectacularly childish fashion!) like a civil human being.

MumChp · 22/12/2024 22:12

It sounds like he could use a bit more grace from you? Parenting isn't a competition.

Velvian · 22/12/2024 22:12

@cuteyfluff , OP had major surgery 11 days ago!

Pussycat22 · 22/12/2024 22:10

Spat his own dummy out.

cuteyfluff · 22/12/2024 22:09

Surely using our toddler as an excuse, when he also chose to be a dad, is uncalled for

You're using the baby as an excuse then if you look at it that way. You're a team. Act like a team.

cuteyfluff · 22/12/2024 22:07

When does he get a break? I used to struggle looking after my 2 year old by myself. I get you need it as a priority but he clearly needs a break.

Annabella92 · 22/12/2024 22:07

Why didn't he have his bath?

Nespressso · 22/12/2024 22:06

This is not your fault. Do not, under any circumstances, start running around juggling it all trying to make his life easier. Your rest and recovery comes first.