Why is my Husband so miserable. 11 days post 2nd baby

Yes to this.

And the sad thing is it's presumably women who are sticking the boot in and giving the OP grief.

We will never achieve equality as long as we continue to make excuses for piss poor male attitude and failure to support us when we need their full support.

Yes it is. No discussion of what he might want - expecting him to be grateful for a bath before he heads out to walk the dogs plus it’s hardly difficult to turn a tap on and off

Tell him he can have a break when it is possible for a baby to be cut out of him 🙃

Fucking hell, it's now controlling to run a bath for someone? Yes I know he didn't ask for one but OP probably thought she was doing something nice. This site gets more fucking ridiculous by the day

Hell mend you, OP. You won’t be going out of your way to make a gesture of care towards your husband again anytime soon, you controlling whatnot you. Bloody bubble baths indeed. What a nightmare. 😒

Really, even if he hadn’t had much sleep, even if he didn’t want a bath right then, he still could have appreciated the gesture or at the very least huffed quietly instead of giving OP crap for trying to do something nice for him.

OP who has just been through 9 month of pregnancy, major surgery and is in the midst of healing and establishing breastfeeding thought of him and his comfort and he could not summon up a “thank you”? Or even a “sorry I snapped at you”? Because he’s tired?
The bar has officially been lowered.

I think it's a bit controlling to run someone a bath without asking if they want a bath

Yeh He probably wanted 30 mins to do whatever the hell he wanted by himself. Whatever that is. Not here..I've run you a bubble bath.

It wasn’t offered. It was presented to him. No discussion as to whether he wanted one at all, or if a bath later would be preferred. I’d be bloody annoyed at being expected to be grateful for something I didn’t want.

He didn't want one.

Woopie do

No it isn’t 🙄

She ran him a bath

Babies are hard work and can send anyone loopy. I HATED the first few months and found it the hardest time of my life!

I would say hold on tight and get through it. It sounds like you’re both pulling your weight just tired and in need of a rest. It’s tough on any relationship.

I'd stop waking him up to change a nappy, why do you both need disturbed sleep at night? I used to feed baby and do the nappy, then oh would get up in the morning and let me have a lie in x

You had a traumatic c section. Even if your birth was easy and straight forward, you should be doing nothing but basic newborn care.

Yeah maybe the dogs should go into kennels for a bit

No one is saying it's equal

The bar for men is so low. Cannot believe so many posters are making excuses for this guy. Ok he’s tired, but so is OP and she had abdominal surgery, still bleeding and is breastfeeding (oh after a pregnancy too). Pretending that’s equal is a joke.

But don’t bother pumping at this point - you’re still getting feeding established, I wouldn’t faff around with a pump yet.

10 minutes of grumpiness! I assume you are a saint at all times.

Being given something you don’t want and haven’t asked for is often worse than being given nothing or much better asked what you do want.

FGS! Yuh didn’t just pop out a baby, which itself would be enough hard work but you had a C section , too. Why do men think it’s all about “ me me me me” ???

How has he behaved badly? He lost his temper and shouted when do I get break, after looking after a toddler, baby and his wife for two weeks on broken sleep. Why has she run him a bath when he's still got to go out and walk the dogs? It's weird. I wouldn't have wanted the bath then either. I've shouted what about me at the baby when at the end of my tether and it wasn't her fault she needed me all the time. I would have absolutely lost my rag if my husband was faffing about when he'd already had a relaxing bath and he knew I still had dogs to walk and oddly thought that was a great time to have a bath!

People don't think straight when they are sleep deprived and the poor man is doing his best. I have recovered from a c section while struggling to establish breastfeeding with a tongue tied baby who couldn't even latch so was exclusively pumping. We were in survival mode. When I had an absolute meltdown most days my husband took the baby and gave me 10 minutes peace outside to gather myself. He took me to the stable to sit with my horses efor and hour when I was completely losing it. When he looked broken and said I just need to be alone for a while I need a break, I told him to go out and take as long as he needed. It was what he did for me every day why on earth wouldn't I do it for him?

It sounds like the OP doesn't think her husband deserves a break or to be exhausted because he hasn't given birth and isn't breast feeding. Which isn't fair.

Sounds like he needs a break, is he also working? I think you need to do more. It sounds like he does a lot more and doesn't sound like its appreciated

You're both tired, you're both doing your best. Hopefully you've always been a great team and that's why you've got kids together - this hard bit will pass. The early days with two are just so tricky, but it gets easier, ever so slowly and then one day it's all a blurry memory!

Be as nice to each other (both ways, not just you to him!) as you can in the meantime and maybe talk to him about having a deal where you both communicate openly if you're feeling overwhelmed. It'll get better.

To all those posters taking sides, or ridiculing him, I can only assume you've never had young kids or your first instinct in a relationship is to always attack. Says much more about you than the OP.

A toddler, a new born baby and a wife recovering from major surgery.... Realistically he's not really going to get a break for a long time

Don’t forget the dogs!

I think this is the bottom line. Both OP and her husband are going to have to have a lot to do (and not enough sleep) for the next few years and there simply is no point throwing a tantrum over it.