Cancer attention seeking?

Excellent username @tothelefttotheleft

@saraclara

But you are making it into cancer top trumps.

Not having chemo doesn't mean having cancer has affected you less mentally/ psychologically.

Yes the reply to LL99887 is horrible and I hope will hidden or deleted soon.

.

Speaking as someone who lost her DH to bowel cancer, this makes me particularly angry. If her cancer was over in a few months, then it's likely she didn't even have chemo. My neighbour had bowel cancer that was resolved by surgery alone, and he's very grateful for that.

To have someone make this fortunate (in cancer terms) outcome into their attention seeking raison d'etre, makes me angry. My DH never made a fuss or even mentioned his cancer unless asked, despite being diagnosed at stage 4, ensuring surgery, a stoma, chemo, and later radiation for brain metastases.

I realise I'm overreacting, but still...

It is attention seeking and that’s natural to an extent. We all want to be made a fuss of sometimes.

It would grate in me too. My mum is like this with arthritis, it’s all she talks about. But when I tell her ok mum we get it she’s not so bad.

Can you spend less time with her? How often do you see her? Ignore all the cancer talk so she knows you won’t engage with it.

Yes, this - the media loves a narrative of 'cancer heroes' who bounced back and did a marathon with a headscarf on and dressed as a giant tit... 😆

Most people are whacked out by it physically and mentally, churned through an intense medical treatment, then chucked out the other end with nothing to sustain them except the knowledge that their body did let them down, and that they have an increased chance of getting it again. Meanwhile everyone wants to think they're 'all done' with it because it's easier to take (and fair enough, it's not your battle. But it is hers).

I was too superstitious to even mention cancer before I got it. Afterwards, being able to mention it calmly and openly is part of the strength I've earned - facing down the reality of it like that.

I guess your reaction is normal, but I think hers is too. 🙂

Well that's just great. Thanks Mumsnet! Truly nasty and inappropriate comment.

@PaperbackWrighter

I reported that post but Mumsnet obviously think it's fine to let it stand.

She hadn't had cancer in years! But guess what, it can come back, so why not have a bit of compassion?

Wt actual f?!

You know there's no link between stress/anxiety and cancer, right? Check out the Cancer Research UK myth-busting section of their website.

Also, you're talking about the OP's mother here 'won't be alive much longer' - talk about insensitive!!

Ah, wow, your mum's only 51. I don't know but I imagined you were both older. I totally get where she's coming from in terms of the fear. Unless someone's experienced a cancer diagnosis themselves they have no idea of the terror you can feel of it coming back. Someone else has said here that your peace of mind goes, and it's so true. You don't necessarily think/talk about it all the time, but it's always somewhere at the back of your mind. And if your mum is talking and thinking about it a lot, again someone else said maybe it's her way of dealing with that fear.

If she's 51 now then was she only 46 when she was diagnosed? That's really young to face your mortality. Believe me, you don't expect it. I think you're being pretty harsh tbh. Counselling could well help her, but I think that's a choice she needs to make for herself.

@bowbelles9 please get some help from the Samaritans or Macmillan for yourself. You have been through a lot.

OP I have had two separate cancers in four years. I had 37 doses of chemo as well as three operations and radiotherapy. I was very worried how the diagnosis would affect my adult DC. I would be delighted if they were bored of me talking about it now rather than terrified they were going to lose me (while a bit sad they could be that shallow). Quite honestly most of us who have been through this particular gruesome circus and come out the other end alive are grateful for the joys of everyday life. I have little tolerance for the nonsense talked about Brave Warriors but everybody gets through the shitshow in their own way. Don’t let’s judge! Just be happy and be kind. None of us know what our future holds.

No it isn't I'm just really really struggling right now. I don't know hot deal with losing both parents to cancer in a matter of months especially so suddenly. I just wish they were still here

That is a huge loss and understandably a lot to take in. My condolences.

Do you have access to counseling or any kind of bereavement support? I was always skeptical about how helpful bereavement counseling might be, but I benefited immensely from just a few sessions earlier this year.

Again, I am sorry for your loss. Please take care.

Thanks for pushing me

Actually suicidal. Leaving

No it isn't I'm just really really struggling right now. I don't know hot deal with losing both parents to cancer in a matter of months especially so suddenly. I just wish they were still here

I'm sorry for you loss but I'm going to show no empathy while calling you names. Thanks. You have no idea what I'm going through either.

@bowbelles9

No she doesn't. It's not for you who haven't had cancer to tell someone how they should deal with it.

This one of the most disgusting things I've ever read on here.

It's utter bollocks.

Totally agree with this. My daughter had cancer and although she's been in remission for 7 years I think I'm still half traumatised by the whole thing.

@ChristmasKelpie glad to hear it worked well for you. My FIL was frightened after his heart attack and did not want to go anywhere alone or push himself with physical activity. It helped him regain his confidence as well.

I am took about 10 weeks to go out on my own. 14 weeks after my first heart attack i travelled abroad on my own, i had to do it or forever be too frightened. Cardiac Rehab was great.

I feel for your Mum here so much. I had cancer 6 years ago. It changed my life at the moment of diagnosis and I will never be the same again and I know I'm not alone in this. Even though I am now well and cancer free - it is the most terrifying thing.
It must be her way of dealing with the trauma of what happened to her. I agree with pps to suggest counselling. I needed it myself a few years ago and it helped. But, I would never criticise anyone about how they deal with their life after a cancer diagnosis. No-one knows what it is truly like until they have had a diagnosis themselves. Be kind to your Mum and a gentle reminder that she is well when she brings it up will be the best thing I think.