New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

Unless there’s some medical problem 4 hours is nothing.
I’ve driven longer than that, alone, for a couple of weekends away this year.
They’re punishing you and your DH.
Make sure to tell them about your lovely Christmas, how cute baby was and they can always visit you.

Go in summer when it’s nice in Cornwall and the baby will be old enough for the drive (with stops every 2 hrs for good stretch). Baby can have their first beach day. Let DH deal with anything till then and let them know the invite is there.

My in laws are like this. I end up relenting and going to them, for my husband's sake. He loves his parents and it's not his fault they make no effort. It's a hard one to navigate. If it was up to me we'd never go up there.

@dragonflyden I just knew you were going to say Cornwall. Of course dh had to move for his job. Life can be insular in Cornwall.

They are also very young grandparents! However I have to tell you, this frightens some people. I have a friend whose mother just could not accept being a grandmother at 45. She just didn’t bond with her grandchildren. She wasn’t far away but not all grandparents gush with love. I think the travelling is a red herring I’m afraid.
It will be interesting to see how this pans out. Will you go there for holidays? Your journeys will be more challenging than theirs! In the meantime enjoy your baby and don’t give travelling a thought.

Yep that’s right the OP should buy a whole new car seat that is less safe than the one she has to accommodate her in laws who can’t be fucked leaving Cornwall 🙄

Me too!!

Good God! I wish I was late 40s - I’d be bouncing with energy and zooming those 4 hours to see my new GC!!
I find them both incredibly stubborn, and really quite sad, OP. Your DH and you must be ‘punished’ for him moving away for work? So your little family has been cast out unless you do the schlepping down to them?

Nah.
Sod ‘Em!

It is their loss… Silly people!
have a wonderful first Christmas together as a family, wishing you all the best for your little one!🎄

Very odd of them. A lot of Cornish youngsters have to move for work, it's not unusual at all, and often not a choice there simply isn't the right type of work that pays enough. Buying a house is difficult and expensive there too compared to further north.
Go visit in the summer, baby will be older and it's less than an hour by plane to Newquay

We played baby chicken after DC2 was born.

DH lost - he gave in after 6 months and we rented a house near his family 3 hours away. We then spent the weekend providing them with all meals and snacks, despite the fact they all lived within a 10 minute radius of the rental. I really, really can't be arsed with them now.

You can buy a lie flat car seat.

I would be tempted to go visit them this Christmas. You then have been the bigger person. It's also easier to take a baby who doesn't actually need that much than a one year old next year, when you can say your turn to come to ours.

I find this whole attitude bizarre my in-laws drove down from Pontefract to Warwickshire to see there first grandchild.

At the hospital. She was still warm 🤣

My mum in law has done something similar. When I was pregnant wi th our first child, we toyed with the idea of moving near her, even saw a few houses. Then the economic crash of 2008 happened and we couldn’t sell our flat so stayed living in London. As a consequence, she has not visited us in 15 years, despite the fact she could get a direct train and we would pick her up and drive her to our house. She says that we ‘chose this’ too. I used to be upset about it but agree - give back the same energy. We travel up to see her about twice a year now and our teenagers are under no illusions about her.

Is it really worth digging in about this and falling out? Depriving your son of his grandparents? If they are not regular ‘out of county’ travellers, there could well be some deep seated psychological reason why they do not want to visit - for one, or both of them.

What shit grandparents they are. In fact they don't deserve that title really.

I'm sure there is more to it than that. Do they have other family nearby whom they usually see, and are expected to?

Leave them to it, it’s their loss. My late 70yo in laws came from Australia to see my newborn. If they really wanted to, they would.

A young baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for more than 2 hours.

If 4 hours isn't really difficult then why aren't the grandparents visiting? It isn't difficult with a newborn so surely it really isn't difficult for adults in their 40s.

OP, they are weird. I suspect this is a control thing.

You are probably used to this toxic behavior having grown up with them, but don’t subject your child to it. They either want a relationship with their grandchild or they don’t. It should not be conditional.

Honestly, stay at home. I ran around the country in the first few months of my baby’s life and it’s a massive upheaval. There’s nothing worse than being up at 3am feeding and being in someone else’s house or an Airbnb. I remember being stuck at my in laws in a bedroom that was without heating, trying to feed my baby and work out how the fuck to turn the radiator back on/ wake up my DH who was sleeping in a different room. Bastard miserable times.

4 hours really isn't difficult, a very young baby doesn't need very much, we brought our 4 week old back to UK, flying both ways, with no problems. Of course on MN one isn't allowed to make motherhood sound anything other than the hardest thing on earth!

Leave them to it. It's their loss. Enjoy your new baby.
All you can do is invite, then it's in their hands whether they want to come.

JFC.

My mum drove 200 miles on the day I gave birth to meet ds, and came again a week later, we were incredibly chuffed that she came and was very welcome.

My in-laws lived 10 minutes away and in the first 6 years of his life DS saw my parents probably 4 times more often (from 200 miles away) than the in-laws.

4 hours is a bit of a trek but they really are cutting their noses off to spite their face here aren't they?

As pp say, return that energy. Nowt so queer as folk

The devil in me would want to suggest in the springtime, when it suits you, to offer to meet them half way for a weekend in say Bristol…..just to see what they say then 😊

OMG - my husband and I travelled to California to see his first grandchild! It took us 5 years to pay for the trip (we did combine it with an additional 2 weeks touring holiday after a week in a beach rental near them ) but we've never regretted it. Your IL sound seriously weird...