New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

Let them! It’s entirely their loss. I’d swim an ocean to meet my new grandchild and I’d want to do anything possible to make sure mum/baby were happy. It sounds like this is a bigger issue than this one trip. If they haven’t been bothered enough to see them in 12 weeks I can’t see them playing a huge role in their life as they grow up

No she didn't say that. She said
I'm not as invested in seeing them as I would imagine they might be in seeing their first grandchild.
Pretty sure we all know the difference between seeing our parents-in-law and seeing a new grandchild. Then add on the difference between travel for 2 new parents with new baby vs fit healthy 40-something grandparents, and we all know what this situation is.

As someone who has not given birth but does have assorted nieces, nephews, grand nieces and grand nephews, THIS. Esp so soon after giving birth.
And WTF is wrong with them in their 40's unable to travel? I drove 1300kms round trip (alone) last year aged 61 to visit. Is Cornwall stuck in the 17th century?

I can't imagine my parents preferring me to travel for that long with a baby when they could just come to me.

Put your foot down and say you won't be doing it. If they want to get into a routine of taking it in turns to visit, that's fine, but you won't be travelling that far with a baby at the moment.

No way would I travel 4 hours with a 12 week old baby. Stay home and enjoy the peace. I would consider going next year or the year after depending on how the baby is with car travel.

To be honest both of mine were so terrible in the car (screaming non stop that would drive me demented and probably cause an accident) that I didn't go anywhere over 2 hours until the youngest was 2.5. I did shorter journeys but it could sometimes require a lot of stops.

Travel will be easier in a few years, in the meantime they should come to you.

jellyfish2121 As a grandparent of five I totally disagree. It is so much easier for these young grandparents to travel than the poor parents. If the grandparents are controlling like this no wonder the young couple moved away.

"Suffer" ?

We are talking about meeting a new grandchild. How is that suffering ?

I mean, I'd have visited to get to see the house, to get know the area my ds and his wife were now living in and, yes, just to see them, as a couple, even before the baby was born, but I'd have been up to meet the new baby as soon as the parents said it was okay, and would be offering to be back soon afterwards too. They change so much when little.

For context they are Cornish and anywhere outside of Cornwall to them is like moving abroad

My cousin lives in Cornwall and jokingly says that there are only 5 families in Cornwall

I would move mountains never mind make a four hour journey to see a new grandchild. Sorry don't understand their attitude, it is quite normal for adult children to move some distance away, sounds like sulking to me. They are young grandparents no reason for them not to travel, it is so much easier than you doing the journey with all the baby paraphernalia. I raised my eldest grandchild so I still can remember all the hassle involved. Enjoy your little one's first Christmas, try to focus on that it is a very special time. Bless you x

The grandparents are in their 40s - not their 90s!

That's idiotic. It is hardly difficult for grandparents in their 40s to do their fair share of the travelling.

As I suspected, there is more to this. I was thinking perhaps they didn’t have transport or may have had pets to consider, but you now let us know that you are not invested in seeing them and I’m sure they know that. I am sure your partner knows that. Had they been keen to visit, you may well have been posting about toxic in-laws. Either way, would you say you just enjoy a good moan about them?

That's so shit of them. Your DH must be so hurt.

I would not be undertaking a 4 hour journey with a new baby. Your in laws are being very selfish. Please do not let it spoil this special time with your baby.

Bollocks to them, then!!

People should be realistic - whatever were the reasons for the move it would be much more sensible for two 50 y.o grandparents to visit 12 weeks baby then the other way around especially when it’s 4 hours trip.
And it sounds like grandparents is able to do the trip ( they are not denying it) they are just making a point of not doing it. It’s very mean.

We moved the same distance away. My in-laws have visited 3 times since we moved here 12 years ago. My kids don't really care...no love lost. I am happy I don't need to engage very often. Honestly, your child is better off without that negativity. They clearly don't care enough to visit. It's a long journey for a baby. Would take longer than 4 hours with feeding and nappy changes etc too.

Late 40s?

My husband is mid 40s and works 6 hours away from us.

This is not an age thing.

What has your husband said?

Assuming you could put them up for a night or two (or they could find accommodation nearby) I think it is sad that they won’t make the effort. To me it’s cutting off your nose to spite your face but I am no longer surprised by how badly people behave. Our GD brings a lot of joy to our lives and we regularly “inconvenience” ourselves as we want a relationship with her.

Their loss.

We moved away for a better life. Who wouldn't want that for their children?

Yep, we travelled similarly with my babies to visit family and we had to stop 3/4 times (200 miles) to feed them, change their nappies. One of them took to screaming non-stop most of the way.
We had to stop travelling with them until they they were older.

Late 40s 😲

This is crazy. I have a feeling they would be a nightmare if they were in your lives though, so it may be a blessing in disguise.

Really hard to find work in Cornwall, what did they expect?

you're making it sound like the OP did something weird when all she did was move a few hours away.
People move all the time and family visit each other.
It's very petty to refuse to visit your baby grandchild because their parents moved away.