New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

That might be - but standard guidance is 2 hours in a 24 hour period

https://babysafeltd.com/safety/2-hour-rule/

elht.nhs.uk/services/maternity-and-newborn-services/keeping-your-baby-safe

They are younger than me! I travel right across Europe to see my dd! We regularly travel 2000 miles (bike rather than car)

Op I so recognise the leaving an area and some people think you need a passport! My recommendation is just stick to your guns some people can’t imagine life outside their small town and I think it’s often jealousy

My family are like this I moved away 25 years ago from their small town. I’ve had 25 years of must travel to them at Christmas (even though all capable of travel ) years sleeping on airbeds on the floor - two married couples DM and DF and DB and his DW (eventually DN). 7 beds between them never managed to muster a spare bedroom. It was all my fault for moving away.,

Spent years feeling guilty, doing my best. Now I’m getting to the age where apparently they were too old to keep travelling! Well my DM now gets visits when it suits us! She made her bed she can lie in it too!

There’s a phrase that’s been bouncing about : Let them.

Let them sulk.
Let them not come and see the baby.
Let them do what they want.

You focus on you and the baby. If they want to be petty, fine. It’s not your job to make them be grandparents

It really isn't good for a 12 week old baby to be spending 4 hours in a car seat, let alone doing the whole thing again a few days later. Tell them you have to put the baby's health first.

We have similar. For some reason my husband's family are allergic to travelling and all live near each other about 5 hours away. They all have awful car sickness apparently. We go to see them most years but they never come here.

Huh! We willingly did the four hours (exactly) to St Ives to meet baby nephew at 3 weeks old, me, husb, daughters 13 and 9. Had a lovely time. I can still see him lying in his carry cot under the pub Christmas tree looking at the lights as we had a great Sunday lunch. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

He's 25 now. Still fab.

Being ‘Fine’ isn’t the same as it being in their best interest. HTH.

Definitely wouldn’t be doing it to see people who clearly weren’t interested, or were making me travel with a tiny baby to prove a point. No thanks.

I did. Just made lots of stops. Baby was fine.

What a pair of absolute CUNTS!!!!!!! I’d do anything to see my grandchildren.

Bloody hell.

4 hours journey with a baby is at least double. All the stopping, feeding nappy changes, etc. Oh my goodness.

Their loss!!

Stand your ground. I suspect they'll come round when they realise their nonsense isn't flying with you. And if they don't they aren't worth the bother. Ridiculous people.

They are being petty and cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Let them.

To quote them: they've made their bed.

Fuck em then! Their loss! They sound controlling to me. I wouldn’t bother. You have other priority’s now anyway

How selfish of them.

You shouldn’t travel 4 hours with a new baby. Does your MIL not remember what the early baby days were like?

My 81 year old widowed mother travels 5 hours each way (a 500 mile round trip) to see her grandchild. Your 40 year old IL’s can make the effort.

I don't really understand the "their loss" comments. If they wanted to see their gc they could. They're clearly not bothered so it's no loss to them.

Stuff 'em! They clearly can't be arsed and are trying to put the blame on you to make themselves look better.

It's a fact of life that people move away from where they grew up and it's often due to employment/better opportunities.

Their loss...

I am really shocked by their attitude.
We had 2 flights , one short flight and one 13 hour flight to see our first grandchild !
unbelievable 😩

Let them does work both ways, its more about setting your own boundaries and not stressing over what other people do.

However it's unreasonable to expect a post partum mum to travel 4 hours with a baby to see fit and healthy in- laws. So the let them advice was to OP to stop stressing, vs what the in-laws may be thinking.

This thread has reminded me of when my dc1 was born and I had to remain in hospital for almost a week.
dh's grandparents (both in their late 80s by this time) spent a couple of hours, and 3 separate buses then quite a walk, to be able to meet their first Great Grandchild. No mobile phones or apps of course then. I was so touched.

I can't get my head round someone in their 40s not wanting to visit their new Grandchild.

With that sort of attitude, I'd say you've dodged a bullet, OP. If they don't want to visit, that's up to them. Enjoy your first Christmas with your new baby!

Petty much! On the in laws part.

I'd not bother with them at all. When people show you who they are and all...

Doesn’t this work both ways? The ILs could also be using the “Let them” approach.

Edited to say that I am on OP’s side on this - think it’s bizarre reasoning not to visit purely because their DS and OP have moved away.