Page 2 | To need a lot of alone time

TopGalGotte · 2024-12-22T17:10:02+00:00

I've always been happy in my own company, have always lived alone even though I've been in relationships. I have a good family and circle of friends, play tennis, which I love, so I've a fairly busy life with work etc. also. Despite all this, I need a lot of time alone to recharge/read/ do nothing/walk. I've always been like this, but I feel even more as I've got older. I also don't enjoy socialising with big groups - eg I enjoy playing tennis in a club but I don't enjoy the social evenings of around 100 people that happen a few times a year... prefer meeting up with a couple of people I'm friendliest with. Another example - I'm spending Christmas day with family but I want Christmas eve to myself - which some people can't seem to understand! AIBU and odd, or is it okay to be like this?

unconditionalpurelove · 22/12/2024 18:30

You're not odd. I'm exactly the same.

Frangywangywoowah · 22/12/2024 18:30

I hear you. Was with 13 family members yesterday and I've done not a lot today as I'm so drained from it.

Createausername1970 · 22/12/2024 18:28

I am happily married with DC. But my absolute bliss is having the house to myself for an afternoon. I don't do anything in particular, its just the feeling of freedom.

I did live on my own after my first marriage broke down and I really enjoyed it. I felt in charge of my life. It didn't always go well and I needed family help a couple of times, but even so it was me asking and sorting it out. I know that if anything happened to DH and DS, I would if course be devastated and miss them terribly, but I would be OK living on my own.

You are not at all unreasonable, most of us do need some space to ourselves.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 22/12/2024 18:25

Me too!
I live with DH but have own room and spend loads of time in my own company, since DC left home. I absolutely love it. Since Covid I’ve been able to realise it’s ok to be an introvert and I don’t feel the overwhelming need to mask all the time anymore. Just accept the good fortune in being able to have your own time I know it was a long time coming for me!

Original poster

TopGalGotte · 22/12/2024 18:21

Topsy44 · 22/12/2024 18:00

YANBU. This is me! I have a 12 year old DD so have to force myself to be sociable sometimes.

I can relate to getting more so too as I get older. After a busy few weeks of work and school and yesterday seeing a show in London, today has been so good to just decompress at home.

I love staying in on NYE now and I think its very difficult for others to understand this if you’re not like this!

This is also my favourite NYE activity!

OP posts:

Original poster

TopGalGotte · 22/12/2024 18:21

TidyDancer · 22/12/2024 17:59

Yeah this is me. I don't really care if people think it's boring or tragic, it's who I am and I like being by myself whenever I get chance. I can be sociable and I even enjoy it at times but I'm very much a homebody at heart and I just love shutting myself away and being alone.

Yes, fellow homebody here. I love not having plans sometimes to be busy, busy or on the go constantly, even though I have a good social life.

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Topsy44 · 22/12/2024 18:00

YANBU. This is me! I have a 12 year old DD so have to force myself to be sociable sometimes.

I can relate to getting more so too as I get older. After a busy few weeks of work and school and yesterday seeing a show in London, today has been so good to just decompress at home.

I love staying in on NYE now and I think its very difficult for others to understand this if you’re not like this!

TidyDancer · 22/12/2024 17:59

Yeah this is me. I don't really care if people think it's boring or tragic, it's who I am and I like being by myself whenever I get chance. I can be sociable and I even enjoy it at times but I'm very much a homebody at heart and I just love shutting myself away and being alone.

CagneyOrLacey · 22/12/2024 17:51

Agree with others, you’re an introvert and it’s normal. And it is not the same as being shy or being anti-social despite what people might have you believe. My siblings are extroverts and they cannot understand why I need to spend time on my own after being in a large group of people, despite me explaining 🙄 Enjoy your Christmas, it sounds lovely ☺️

MoreHappy · 22/12/2024 17:43

I think its also quite common in neurodiverse - I feel like you and was diagnosed with inattentive adhd in my 50s. big groups harder to work out social cues as well / sensory over load.

EmpressaurusKitty · 22/12/2024 17:42

Totally ok & normal, and that’s why I just live with my cat.

I love socialising & I’m looking forward to a family Christmas, but I’m going to be desperate to get home to my nice quiet flat after a couple of days.

MightyGoldBear · 22/12/2024 17:40

Very normal. I am the same I'd happily live in a cabin in the woods and see maybe a few people every now and then. I love time alone and that's when I recharge.

I have 3 young children two sen so everyday is a marathon of endurance for me. I would burn out very fast without time alone.

HappyintheHills · 22/12/2024 17:39

That’s absolutely the definition of an introvert.

Welcome to the club,

Fistle · 22/12/2024 17:37

Happyinarcon · 22/12/2024 17:32

I am also an introvert, but I watched a few YouTube shorts which suggested something along the lines that introverts don’t have strong boundaries, so they don’t feel 100% safe around people and need to be slightly on guard. They then need the down time to recharge. I think this describes me.

No, I don’t think that’s true as a rule. I love people, I am socially confident, and I am absolutely myself around others, but, although I love socialising, it does deplete my energy rather than replenish it.

Timeforatincture · 22/12/2024 17:36

Team OP! Just been to a lovely drinks party with lots of interesting people to talk to, but two hours enough for me. Husband still there, and that's fine.

Original poster

TopGalGotte · 22/12/2024 17:36

Dearg · 22/12/2024 17:15

Do you feel drained / exhausted after being around people? Normal introvert reaction.
I think , statistically, there are more of us introverts, than extroverts.

As long as you are comfortable with your alone time, that’s fine!

I would say I am very similar, and I am comfortable with that.

Yes, to the feeling drained. I'm not shy, can chat to anyone, but I find it a big effort sometimes.

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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/12/2024 17:35

Happyinarcon · 22/12/2024 17:32

I am also an introvert, but I watched a few YouTube shorts which suggested something along the lines that introverts don’t have strong boundaries, so they don’t feel 100% safe around people and need to be slightly on guard. They then need the down time to recharge. I think this describes me.

That’s interesting. Me too, and perhaps I find people tiring because I don’t just chill out being myself with them.

poemsandwine · 22/12/2024 17:35

bridgetreilly · 22/12/2024 17:13

You’re just an introvert. Completely normal.

There are many of us, OP. Of course you are not unreasonable.

Original poster

TopGalGotte · 22/12/2024 17:35

ThirdStorm · 22/12/2024 17:33

I’m the same. “Oh your poor thing spending Christmas Eve alone…”. It’s my bliss! Then I’m ready to spend several days with family.

That's exactly how I feel! And I'll need a few solitary days after too.

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ThirdStorm · 22/12/2024 17:33

I’m the same. “Oh your poor thing spending Christmas Eve alone…”. It’s my bliss! Then I’m ready to spend several days with family.

Happyinarcon · 22/12/2024 17:32

I am also an introvert, but I watched a few YouTube shorts which suggested something along the lines that introverts don’t have strong boundaries, so they don’t feel 100% safe around people and need to be slightly on guard. They then need the down time to recharge. I think this describes me.

Cynic17 · 22/12/2024 17:30

YANBU. I feel exactly the same. I need regular alone time every week, and I also enjoy going on trips and holidays by myself. There is nothing wrong with being solitary.

Fistle · 22/12/2024 17:26

Bollocksmorelike · 22/12/2024 17:23

I’m like this. We’re introverts. We find socialising uses up our energy. Extroverts find socialising gives them energy.

Yes. Even when we enjoy it.

I’m very sociable, and I love company, having people over for dinner, and I’m happy in big groups, but I need more than average amounts of time by myself.

Bollocksmorelike · 22/12/2024 17:23

I’m like this. We’re introverts. We find socialising uses up our energy. Extroverts find socialising gives them energy.

Itsaswelltime · 22/12/2024 17:18

I voted YABU by mistake (fat fingers).