The burden of being a man

Boomboombooo · 2024-12-22T15:48:35+00:00

"Men will give up their happiness for their families but women will give up their families for their happiness." My DH explaining the burden of being a man to me this morning.

XChrome · 28/12/2024 04:17

Maybe it's that he knows he's a fucking asshole and is anticipating you leaving him for the sake of your happiness. So he is trying to guilt trip you about that to prevent it.

JHound · 28/12/2024 02:59

ParsnipPuree · 25/12/2024 06:11

JHound

"You are making a big assumption he will be bringing in the lion share of the income. Plenty of women are equal if not main earners in their families"

That may be, but in my dh's case his partner is in a career which is recognised for being low paid.

So it is likely he will do the lion sharing of earning and she will do the lion share of unpaid labour.

Shelley999 · 27/12/2024 16:32

On the whole, women give up everything for their children and family. Men pick up their coat and disappear when the going gets hot . . . .

ParsnipPuree · 25/12/2024 06:14

PyongyangKipperbang

"And tonight I introduce.....Nightmare MIL of the Year!"

You did have me laughing there! Maybe I will be!

ParsnipPuree · 25/12/2024 06:11

JHound

"You are making a big assumption he will be bringing in the lion share of the income. Plenty of women are equal if not main earners in their families"

That may be, but in my dh's case his partner is in a career which is recognised for being low paid.

Bill98502 · 25/12/2024 05:55

SuperfluousHen · 22/12/2024 16:02

.

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Judging only that one sentence, I think it is usually the other way around.
My opinion as a 83 y/o man who has seen a few things in his life.

dayslikethese1 · 25/12/2024 04:47

How many women care for their husbands when they're old or incapacitated vs the other way around. Similarly, how many women do all the childcare. It's clearly the opposite of what he said. But if he really thinks it's all such a burden, why did he get married and have kids in the first place? No-one made him presumably.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/12/2024 04:41

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 18:26

JHound

"Is working for those women “optional?”

Or are they just focusing on the unpaid work that supports the family?

Also what burden will your Ds be carrying given that statistically is partner is likely to do some work and also do the lion’s share of all of the domestic and
emotional labour."

There isn't unpaid work that supports the family as they have people to help at home. They do however cook for family and friends, albeit with help.

In my case my ds will certainly do his fair share at home as that's just who he is. He will though be carrying the burden of bringing in the lion's share of income which in my opinion is stressful enough!

And tonight I introduce.....Nightmare MIL of the Year!!!

katter · 25/12/2024 04:24

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 18:26

JHound

"Is working for those women “optional?”

Or are they just focusing on the unpaid work that supports the family?

Also what burden will your Ds be carrying given that statistically is partner is likely to do some work and also do the lion’s share of all of the domestic and
emotional labour."

There isn't unpaid work that supports the family as they have people to help at home. They do however cook for family and friends, albeit with help.

In my case my ds will certainly do his fair share at home as that's just who he is. He will though be carrying the burden of bringing in the lion's share of income which in my opinion is stressful enough!

So you assume that you're son will be so enlightened to do equal housework but not enlightened enough to have a partner who's also working?
What age are we actually talking about?

VoodooRajin · 24/12/2024 23:02

Is this a bit like the unbearable lightness of being?

Calliekins · 24/12/2024 22:44

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2024 15:51

Isn’t it the other way around?

Absolutely!

JHound · 24/12/2024 19:54

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 18:26

JHound

"Is working for those women “optional?”

Or are they just focusing on the unpaid work that supports the family?

Also what burden will your Ds be carrying given that statistically is partner is likely to do some work and also do the lion’s share of all of the domestic and
emotional labour."

There isn't unpaid work that supports the family as they have people to help at home. They do however cook for family and friends, albeit with help.

In my case my ds will certainly do his fair share at home as that's just who he is. He will though be carrying the burden of bringing in the lion's share of income which in my opinion is stressful enough!

You are making a big assumption he will be bringing in the lion share of the income. Plenty of women are equal if not main earners in their families

AngelinaFibres · 24/12/2024 18:45

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:17

Far more women file for divorce but that says nothing about who actually ended the relationship.

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I divorced my first husband. Since he was no longer in the marriage my hand was somewhat forced there. It wasn't me who had an affair and left for someone else.

AngelinaFibres · 24/12/2024 18:42

When my exhusband left us in 1996 he announced " I want to do what I want when I want. I can't do that with children so I'm afraid I have to leave". And off he went . Our children were 3 and 2 at the time. His shiny new girlfriend was 17. Somewhat disproves your husband's theory Op.

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 18:26

JHound

"Is working for those women “optional?”

Or are they just focusing on the unpaid work that supports the family?

Also what burden will your Ds be carrying given that statistically is partner is likely to do some work and also do the lion’s share of all of the domestic and
emotional labour."

There isn't unpaid work that supports the family as they have people to help at home. They do however cook for family and friends, albeit with help.

In my case my ds will certainly do his fair share at home as that's just who he is. He will though be carrying the burden of bringing in the lion's share of income which in my opinion is stressful enough!

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:19

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 15:30

I think it depends. I'm in my 50's and In my circle working for women is optional, generally husbands take financial responsibility. My girlfriends who work (mostly part time) do because they love what they do.

I realise this is not the norm for everyone but I do feel for my ds knowing he'll carry this burden.

Is working for those women “optional?”

Or are they just focusing on the unpaid work that supports the family?

Also what burden will your Ds be carrying given that statistically is partner is likely to do some work and also do the lion’s share of all of the domestic and emotional labour.

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:17

BennyBee · 23/12/2024 20:34

Actually, far more women than men leave their marriages. With cheating, the old adage that women cheat to leave and men cheat to stay has a lot of truth.

I agree with the rest, that women make more sacrifices- maybe that’s why they end up leaving!!

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Far more women file for divorce but that says nothing about who actually ended the relationship.

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:14

ElleneAsanto · 22/12/2024 19:06

I think he means that men tend stay with a partner (because it’s convenient to have wifey looking after him) even if he’s unhappy with the relationship - and only buggers off when he finds another woman to look after him.

Whereas women are happier to ditch a partner that’s bringing nothing to the relationship and be independent.

Yes.

Spot on.

Essentially this is what he means.

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:05

SleeplessInWherever · 22/12/2024 16:20

@CocoapuffPuff

I mean, in fairness - my partners ex genuinely has done that. Coordinated less access so she can go to hotels with married men/meet up with casual flings etc.

Shes single, so very much free to do whatever she wants, but it has happened that way around here!

Edited

She’s single though so isn’t giving up her family for her happiness.

JHound · 24/12/2024 18:01

Your DH sounds like an idiot. And a bit of a misogynist.

It’s that redpill trope that criticises women for leaving bad marriages but is silent on the behaviour that leads to her leaving….

Sounds like your DH is being radicalised by the manosphere.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 24/12/2024 17:59

BennyBee · 23/12/2024 20:34

Actually, far more women than men leave their marriages. With cheating, the old adage that women cheat to leave and men cheat to stay has a lot of truth.

I agree with the rest, that women make more sacrifices- maybe that’s why they end up leaving!!

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Far more women are initiating divorce for sure. Because we raised the bar.

Women put their whole selves into relationships and most men keep something back for themselves. Women can always do better.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/12/2024 17:51

What rubbish! Does he honestly believe there are more men than women walking away from their responsibilities to their dc?

Sounds like an incel soundbite backed up by no common sense.

Jebatronic · 24/12/2024 16:39

poor, poor poor man - let him free

ThisIsSockward · 24/12/2024 15:45

There are some selfish women out there, but he's deluding himself if he thinks that they aren't more than counterbalanced by a glut of selfish men. I'd be torn between laughing my head off and expressing my utter disgust if my husband came out with that nonsense.

katter · 24/12/2024 15:39

ParsnipPuree · 24/12/2024 15:30

I think it depends. I'm in my 50's and In my circle working for women is optional, generally husbands take financial responsibility. My girlfriends who work (mostly part time) do because they love what they do.

I realise this is not the norm for everyone but I do feel for my ds knowing he'll carry this burden.

Well men can still get divorced if they feel the burden is that uneven. There's a reason why they don't.
Your DS can relax he'll probably be still be in a marriage where the woman will do the brunt of housework and childrearing, whether they'll work or not.
Those poor menz...