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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find Boxing Day really overwhelming

84 replies

Lerinryan · 22/12/2024 14:04

DH and I have 2 DC, they are 5 and 7. His parents never host Christmas, it's always branded as being a favour to us as it lets us see my family in Christmas Day and I am grateful for that.
However they go all out for Boxing Day. We live two hours away so usually it involves getting in the car for 7/8 to be there for morning. DHs sister will meet us there and then it's another morning of presents. Around 1 DHs aunt and uncle, cousin and her DD come over and they put on a picky bits lunch. More gifts (tbf only 2 gifts in the afternoon but still). Then they insist on taking everyone out to a ridiculously nice restaurant with a 6pm booking with 5 kids ages 3-10 it's exhausting. The kids are tired and grouchy, my kids are usually great in restaurants but that Boxing Day dinner is painful.
Home let and then we end up leaving at like 8am on the 27th as to make this day work we had to take the kids away from all their new toys.

AIBU to find this really overwhelming and make it work for this year but suggest next year we keep it more low key. Or is this the price I pay for DHs parents being so gracious about us doing every Christmas with my family?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lerinryan · 22/12/2024 14:16

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2024 14:12

Personally I'd leave before the meal and drive home or you could arrange to visit another day and tell them your children find it overwhelming?

It's hard as DH views this as his Christmas. His sister lives really far away (like 4 hours as she's 2 hours the opposite direction of his parents), and he loves his cousin (she went through a really hard time a couple of years ago and he's very protective of her). So for him going on another day seems to defeat the point and he likes socialising so doesn't want to miss the meal.

I really do wish they'd just do the meal at home!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 22/12/2024 14:14

Lerinryan · 22/12/2024 14:11

So the reason we go early is because DHs parents don't want our kids and his sisters kids open all their presents from them in front of his cousins daughter.
DH thinks it would be rude to leave before the meal when his parents pay for it and he likes socialising with his sister and cousin.

I wish they did the meal at home so it was less pressure on the kids.

Show quote history

Alternate years between your parents and his?

Push back on the early start. Just say "no". There is no way I would a) get up that early and b) spend do long there on what is supposed to be a holidsy

Needmorelego · 22/12/2024 14:14

Tell them you don't want to do the restaurant. Say that none of you enjoy it and you would rather stay at the house.
I expect they will do one of the following -
Say "Oh thank goodness we've been trying to find a way to stop doing that".
Sulk and mutter about you being "ungrateful".
Say "Ok".
It might be a risk as to what response you get but at least you will have tried.

Original poster
Lerinryan · 22/12/2024 14:13

Movinghouseatlast · 22/12/2024 14:11

Do you like them? It doesn't sound like it. They give you g food and gifts and take you out and it's 'ridiculous'. You seem to see all this as punishing, they are trying to make it nice.

Edited

No I do like them they are lovely but I find Boxing Day really intense.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 22/12/2024 14:12

Personally I'd leave before the meal and drive home or you could arrange to visit another day and tell them your children find it overwhelming?

Movinghouseatlast · 22/12/2024 14:11

Do you like them? It doesn't sound like it. They give you g food and gifts and take you out and it's 'ridiculous'. You seem to see all this as punishing, they are trying to make it nice.

Original poster
Lerinryan · 22/12/2024 14:11

Woahtherehoney · 22/12/2024 14:07

Yeah I don’t think you can have it both ways - you can’t just see your family and then not want to spend enough time with DH’s.

Although I don’t see why you can’t just go over for the day and then maybe skip the meal in the evening? That does seem a bit full on - is there a compromise you can come to? Either skip the meal and go home in the afternoon, or go later in the day and do a couple of hours at their house then go for a meal?

So the reason we go early is because DHs parents don't want our kids and his sisters kids open all their presents from them in front of his cousins daughter.
DH thinks it would be rude to leave before the meal when his parents pay for it and he likes socialising with his sister and cousin.

I wish they did the meal at home so it was less pressure on the kids.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 22/12/2024 14:09

This is the price you pay. The alternative is to not see your parents on Christmas Day and have a low key one at home so you aren’t all tired for Boxing Day.

Woahtherehoney · 22/12/2024 14:07

Yeah I don’t think you can have it both ways - you can’t just see your family and then not want to spend enough time with DH’s.

Although I don’t see why you can’t just go over for the day and then maybe skip the meal in the evening? That does seem a bit full on - is there a compromise you can come to? Either skip the meal and go home in the afternoon, or go later in the day and do a couple of hours at their house then go for a meal?