To find Boxing Day really overwhelming

Let the children have a lie in and play with their new presents at home for a bit, and then go up for the afternoon and evening portion.

They're not being 'gracious' about you spending Christmas with your family every year, btw. They're just fully celebrating the holiday on the 26th instead. Nothing wrong with that, but they're not doing you a 'favour', so don't accept that reasoning from them.

Boxing Day was always Christmas Day with the in-laws, it was hectic, noisy but it was the price to pay to have ChristmasDay our way. With 20 of us in a small house it was a squash but kids mostly had fun which was the main thing. We got a takeaway which took up lots of time, finding what everyone wanted, phoning various places, picking up meals if needed.

thankfully we didn’t live to far away however both mil and fil have passed away and bil wants to recreate the boxing days but dh have got used to having Boxing Day with us and friends so doubt it will go back to how it was.

all part and parcel of being married, having children and keeping both sets of parents happy,

edit , sorry pressed send troops quickly, for me I would be leaving home to visit later in the day. 8am is just ridiculous, make it a shorter, more manageable day

Leave a bit later. The other child doesn't arrive until 1pm, there will be plenty of time for your DC to open presents if you arrive at e.g. 11:30am (which means you can leave at 9:30am).

Your children are a year older than last year and will be better able to cope with the meal, by next year they'll be even older and even better at coping with the meal. The later start should also help them deal with this. If they really can't get through it then send DH to the meal with his family and you stay at the house and put the kids to bed.

In the grand scheme of things though, having one day that's slightly stressful isn't really an awful lot for your DH/his family to ask is it?

Why can’t they open the presents infront of her? Just say you’re not getting up that early and leave later 🤷🏼‍♀️ There is no way I’d be getting up at that time on Boxing Day because of a silly reason like that! They can always buy his cousins child a present!
Id say that the kids are too tired for a meal at 6 but what about going out at lunch instead? Drive to meet them there if needed

I think you need to cut it short. Be up front and say we'll get there later let's talk about how we manage presents. Or as someone suggested your dh goes on the meal and you stay back at the house with the kids and beans on toast. But be up front about why, it's too long a day for excited kids after Christmas Day.

I think you’re being really unreasonable. You get to see your parents every single Christmas Day and in return you should do Boxing Day as his family do it. So what if the kids are a bit tired? It’s one day. Lots of people would love to have that set up. And it’s your DH’s day with his family. I think you’d be very unreasonable to say anything

Is it possible to explore next years arrangements being a few days later? This plan sounds totally unrealistic for little ones, they won’t enjoy being exhausted and can’t have any time with new toys at home. Get a new tradition going or have Christmas differently.

Gosh sounds so stressful and tedious with all the presents and food and all the family kids playing together and you not having to lift a finger (or even drive, I imagine).

I agree it's better to have lunch out instead of picky bits, or leave before the evening meal.

I agree it sounds stressful but I don't see a solution unless you decide to alternate Christmas in future so you just see one set of grandparents per year and spend the other day chilling out.
But as your kids are getting a bit older it'll likely get easier from here rather than harder so I think you just have to suck it up.

Could you suggest getting a big nice takeaway instead of the meal out?

Would they be open to going for the meal as lunch or late lunch? So you open presents in the morning, go out to eat, come back and open the last few then drive home. Do you drive? Ideally let your DH drink if it's his family and you do the drive back. It sounded like you also stay over there on Boxing Night, but I couldn't see that you'd definitely said that.

It will get easier for your kids year on year, I'd just stick with it. I imagine the reason they take you all out for a meal is that it would be overwhelming for them to do a Xmas dinner the day before, then a buffet, then another meal for a large number of people.
When the kids look back on it it will likely be fun times with the other kids that they remember, not overwhelm.

Young kids not your kids

Christmas is tiring and overwhelming for and with your kids. I think the restaurant is a red herring - keeping the kids out of the way when a meal for 10 is being prepared and cleared up after has its own challenges.

your in laws sound thoughtful and generous and more importantly your husband enjoys seeing his family.

suck it up. They kids won’t be young forever and your in laws won’t be around forever.

It’s one day and it’s important to your DH. Your children will only get older and more able to cope with restaurants and changes to routine. I really think you need to suck it up. I guess you could try speaking to the parents of the other young children and if they also find it hard you could all suggest jointly to the grandparents that you’ll all bring a dish or two if the meal could be at home. But ultimately I think you need to go with your DH decision on this.

I’d push back on the calling it a “favour” though - it’s not a favour as I suspect it rather suits them to do this on Boxing Day and if you suddenly announced actually you’d see them Christmas Day instead they’d be rather put out!

@takealettermsjones that's a good idea. If your kids aren't enjoying the restaurant then just stay at the house with them. Get a takeaway or something and watch a movie whilst the others go out to dinner. You are still around for most of the day and it seems that it's the dinner that you are liking the least.

Can you not just stay at their house while DH goes to spend time with his parents/sister? It sounds like you're the only one who doesn't like it, unless I've interpreted it wrong.

We had similar. My then H loved it.

It went on for years and I hated it and our kids hated it.

It was the price we paid for having actual Christmas on our own though.

(My parents were much more reasonable)

I agree with you this day is too long. If you can't tell them get your husband to do it.

You don’t have to get there first thing, go a bit later. Stop over somewhere local to them on Boxing Day night.

Stop with the martyrdom, and take control of the plan

I think you have to accept it unless you start alternating christmas day. With 5 & 7 year olds it won’t be long before they’re not so tired in the evening. And moaning about 2 gifts in the afternoon is a bit unfair? What’s wrong with spreading out presents? Why don’t you offer to cook the meal and bring it with you and see if they’d go for that instead of a meal?

I'm the one living 2 hours away from my family with DHs family on our doorstep. Our Christmas doesn't have a set routine as I work shifts but usually involves a trip for a stay with my family of one or two nights. My children are 3 and 5 and yes can be over tired and harder work when not in their usual routine but they have fun and I get to see my family at Christmas. I'd be really disappointed in my DH if he couldn't just suck it up for this short period of time given that we do stuff with his family aswell over the Christmas period.

I really do wish they'd just do the meal at home!

It's not less stressful to cook a meal for what is a minimum of ten people for the people cooking it.

You have your own family too. Time to rejig. Or suck it up as payoff for your family getting the main event

I would say that the children are tired with the long day and that you are going to arrive later. I don't think you should miss the meal.

I didn't really understand the presents part but to me the part of the day that's ridiculous is getting there at the crack of dawn.