Do your DC give presents to the adults?

I’m child-free but I have nieces and nephews who I buy presents for (aged 4-14). It’s only the 11+ year olds who have started buying little things for us, which is sweet. Definitely wouldn’t expect anything from a 3 and 6 year old!

DC usually gave gifts to parents, grandparents and godparents up to age about 11 these were things we bought for them to give, mostly with help choosing. Since secondary gifts chosen by them

I arranged for them to do that.

I think learning to give is important. How much influence the DC had on what they were giving developed with age.

I disagree that giving presents has to mean tides of tat. If you're buying, your DC could "help" choose the posh version of something like biscuits, jams, olive oil, chocolates etc. Or they could draw a special picture, or make decorate something (eg consumable, like a cupcake; or something like a tree bauble)

Something small from 4 or 5 onwards, but just for grandparents and the aunt they were closest to. I think it's a good way of teaching them how nice it feels to be thanked for something so that "Say thank you to Auntie Persephone" becomes meaningful.

My daughter aged 8 has without any adult help made salt dough decorations and without any suggestions from me has wrapped them up and labeled them for her grandparents and for her dad and me...first time she done this so thinking next year she want to do it. In previous years I wrapped up a bar of chocolate for my husband from her and he wrapped up a similar thing for me from her but she had no input on this...

My just turned 5yo will give her older cousin a present she has chosen (a fun notebook this year) and will give adult relatives some baking she's done.

It's about thinking of others and giving, never too young. She's been giving gifts since she's was one. Even if it is just handing over a small box of chocolates.

Last year she chose sweets and chocolates for them all, she knew that Nana likes Percy Pigs etc

I don't think adults want more gifts, but giving something personal is nice. If you don't have time this year then don't worry, just plan for next year.

Before starting school, DS would paint a picture for each adult. Largely crap, but often got stuck on fridges or walls for a bit. School do a cup, coaster, teatowel or whatever with something the kids drew, so that's nice to buy for a gift from younger ones (especially with term ending too late for much xmas prep). I've also done photo fridge magnets of family in the past, which were nice and seem to still be used. From other family with slightly older kids we've been given baked items, much better quality paintings, a knitted scarf and other homemade items.

From when he first got pocket money, I've had DS buy a gift for us for birthdays, and he voluntarily bought an xmas gift just for me last year and this year (he suggested Daddy use his bank card to get something because "I need the rest for mini-golf and lego"). Unusable stuff when he picked entirely on his own at the xmas fair, but he was so pleased with himself that I've pretended to use it. He picks gifts for his friends and young cousins, and we help him buy other gifts for each other and pay for them. I've no idea if this will help him give us gifts long-term, time will tell!

As a family we now agree to only do kids presents apart from to spouses or parents. Luckily our siblings and my best friend all have same number of kids as us so it doesn't feel unbalanced. I do have one aunt who also sends the kids vouchers, but we agreed no adult presents and a charity donation instead with that side if the family years ago. It's very much her choice to send knowing she won't receive back.

The kids names will be on all the presents we buy. For DH and the grandparents we usually get them more than one thing and put the kids names (jointly) on one of the things. We'll discuss with the kids what that is. We also put their names on one gift each to each other, generally picked from what we've brought for them. However, I do think we should probably start giving them more ownership of the process to get them in the gift giving mind set more.

We would buy from the family, but I would always spend a little extra on the adults as for a time they were buying for us and the children so I always made sure they got something nice, or an extra token from the kids as well as a family gift.

I don’t think anyone minded, they enjoyed buying for the children and it was never discussed.

Our DC (primary age) buy things for each other and make things for me and DH. They don’t get presents for extended family but we don’t do much gift exchanging with extended family anyway - mostly just nieces and nephews who do the same as us.

They choose DH and I a small present and then we buy them (They are 4 and 8, they don't have much money of their own!)

Gifts for the grandparents come from us as a family.

Our teemage dc have started buying presents for each other and for me and dh in the last few years. However, presents for the wider family are from the four of us collectively. Same from them to us.

I've got a lot of nieces and nephews and must have spent hundreds on them over the years, but have never thought about receiving something from them. I wasn't doing it to get something in return, and I really dislike the tit for tat giving of presents at Christmas where I'd end up with a candle or socks I don't need.

Thankfully my wider family decided not to do presents a few years ago so we all just buy for our own children these days. I do sometimes think I pulled the short straw in being the last child so my own children never had as much as my nieces and nephews though!

Why is it nonsense to understand "aunt Mildred will get you a Christmas present, what would you like to give aunt Mildred"?

Ours buy for us, each other, grandparents and a random aunt. Our money obviously and supervised choices.

@Squidgemoon but presumably the parents buy presents for the grandparents so why would the children give a gift?

@BarbaraHoward no I really don't. Homemade from school is lovely for a parent to receive.

But giving a child money to buy chocolates for a random aunt just because they are receiving a toy is just nonsense.

My DD is 16 and has told me that this year she has bought us a Xmas present. This is lovely, she has used her allowance to do so. But I would never ever expect a present from my child. Never. And we never bought presents for the other parent from the child either.

I think it’s important to give children the chance to experience present giving, as soon as they’re old enough to understand the concept of gifts, which yours are.
I’d take them to the supermarket and ask them to choose a tube of sweets / bar of chocolate for the teens and maybe a box of chocs for the adults to share per family unit. Let them help you wrap it / write the label / pick a gift bag.

We do a secret santa for extended family, that way all the adults only need to buy one gift each. We usually take a gift for each of the dc there as well.
It makes it so much easier.

DS8 chooses something for his dad that I help him with, and something for me that DH helps him with, he also gets a gift for his GPs. At the moment we pay for them but he helps to wrap them and write the tags. DH and I discussed that next year we would start getting him to contribute to the cost - he has plenty of pocket money and mostly doesn’t spend it! We don’t do gifts from him to his uncles and aunts, despite them getting him one - but I never did growing up either, just parents, my own siblings and GPs. Then when I was secondary school age, school friends as well.

I think it’s important to model gift giving from a young age. My niece and nephew are now young adults and they have never bought gifts for their GPs, who are very generous to them, which I think is a bit off.

We gift as a family.

Always took my children from a young age to pick up something with pocket money for my siblings & parents.
siblings & now grandchildren now grown, ranging from 11 to 19 years, never ever received even a box of chocolates from them! Makes me a little sad that the parents have never taught them to buy a little token gift. Hey ho 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think that’s entirely true. Anecdotally, I have two older teens who are very considerate, including choosing and buying very thoughtful gifts for friends and family. But when they were small we simply included them in the gifts given from family. They didn’t start buying presents themselves until tween/teen years.

Small children can still participate without it having to be a separated gift they have bought, wrapped and handed over themselves. It’s just about communication and helping them be aware of what’s going on (and particularly that people shouldn’t be left out).

All those threads we see about people being upset that their teenager hasn't got them anything for their birthday, this is where it starts.

It's important to teach them that it's about giving as well as receiving, and they love being involved. It isn't about cost, it doesn't matter if it's a packet of chocolate biscuits, they choose it with love and are excited to give it.

Don't you think that children need to learn about giving presents? Mine are so excited to give out their presents. 6yo made DH a tea light holder in school, she hasn't said a word to him about it and is so proud of her secret. It's lovely.

ETA that they've also picked presents for each other and done a pretty good job.

Madness. No adult expects a present from a child.