Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm not liable to pay this?

115 replies

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 22/12/2024 13:02

Stressybetty · 22/12/2024 11:47

Have you actually seen the invoice? What proof do you have that he's telling the truth? I would do a credit check on yourself as well just to check nothing has been done in your name. Clean break, divorced and bought out of the house, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, just trying to guilt trip you for more cash.

This.
his problem to sort , nothing to do with you.
If he couldn’t be bothered getting a solicitor to divorce he’s hardly likely to do anything about this.

MikeRafone · 22/12/2024 13:00

On another post the answer the OP was told to give her ex each and every time

ex Im going to see a solicitor

Op Let me know ho you get on with that

each and every time, she never heard back from him

Its a really great line with people like this

added to the fact he never paid for a solicitor throughout his divorce, he's all hot air

Milkbottlewaffle · 22/12/2024 12:56

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 11:46

Reply back "Great, let me know how that goes" and move on with your day.

I love how quickly this has become a MN phrase! 💪🏼💪🏼

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/12/2024 12:54

Don't give him a penny!

Createausername1970 · 22/12/2024 12:48

Agree, ignore.

But - if I were you I would ask him to send me a copy of the letter. If it is genuine, then write to them, say he no longer resides at your address and pass on his current address. Ensure there is no CCJ or debt collection action at your address in future. THEN ignore.

Mrsbloggz · 22/12/2024 12:46

I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money
And he's thinking: there's plenty more where that came from.
He's a low-down con man, he's trying to leach off of you so that he can feel as if he came out the winner in the divorce.

GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 22/12/2024 12:43

I have one of these exDHs as well.
Every time he's a bit short of money he comes round with some perceived inequality in the (years old) divorce settlement and tries frightening me with legal proceedings.
He's not due anything, it's a clean break. He signed the paperwork, he lives.with the consequences.
And as far as the what you owe him "morally", morally he should be paying for or looking after his children to the value of 50%, he's not. Let him morally stick that in his moral pipe and morally smoke it.

Just ignore him.

Mrsbloggz · 22/12/2024 12:43

This man presumably was able to successfully manipulate you when you were together and he thinks he can carry on now. And he's right he's got you worried!

I don't mean that he is right in his claim of course he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

As suggested by a PP I would reply something like 'okay let me know how it goes', in order to keep a paper trail in case you need to make a case against him in the future.

It might be amusing to pretend that you're genuinely worried just to see how it all plays out and what he does? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Justsayit123 · 22/12/2024 12:42

Do not pay. He’s not part of your life. Ignore him. His responsibility.

GabriellaMontez · 22/12/2024 12:42

Did you see the letter?

Sounds like a tall tale to me.

And if it's genuine, you still don't owe him anything.

Mrswhatsit40 · 22/12/2024 12:41

Hahahahahahahah!

He's funny isn't he?

AutumnFroglets · 22/12/2024 12:40

We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees.

You are correct. Let him take you to court if he is really insistent you owe him and watch the judge throw out his claim. He's just trying it on.

XiCi · 22/12/2024 12:36

Can't believe you're actually considering this! Tell him no and not to contact you again about it. Cheeky bastard

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 12:30

Bannedontherun · 22/12/2024 12:26

@HPandthelastwish I saw that thread too 😀

It is such a genius non-committal, non-confrontational,
, non dragging yourself into a conversation you don't want to have phrase. I love it

Bannedontherun · 22/12/2024 12:26

@HPandthelastwish I saw that thread too 😀

ThisWillBeOurYear · 22/12/2024 12:25

Bill him for what he owes you for the divorce and child maintenance

Jl2014 · 22/12/2024 12:22

Surely the whole point of a clean break settlement is to stop exactly this type of shit. Tell him to do one. What a chancer.

pinkyredrose · 22/12/2024 12:19

He’s full of shit. Can't imagine why you split up!

Tubetrain · 22/12/2024 12:19

Tell him you're not paying and if he doesn't see the kids I'd just block him

Richiewoo · 22/12/2024 12:18

Tell him you'll see see him in court.

ACynicalDad · 22/12/2024 12:18

If he didn't get a solicitor for a divorce he's not doing it for this. And if he did he'd be told he had no chance. In his place I'd lose the letter and see if they push it. For £1k it's hardly worth worrying about.

Cherrysoup · 22/12/2024 12:18

Cf, given he isn’t paying cms and you gave him a bunch of cash for the house! Stand firm, don’t let him guilt you. Tell him, if he persists, that he should be paying for his children. Surely given he has a new job, you can pursue maintenance?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/12/2024 12:16

"What part of the word "no" did you not understand, XH? This is your problem, not mine. Don't ask me again."

rwalker · 22/12/2024 12:13

If it is legit presuming it was all joint finances when you decided the split
so I would say yes you do owe it as it’s a joint debt before you split

but you’ve got a clean break so even though you should pay it’s highly unlikely he can make you

FionaSkates · 22/12/2024 12:07

Haha tell him good luck with the solicitor! Then put your feet up and have a mince pie! Xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread