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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not liable to pay this?

115 replies

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

OP posts:
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Shabzzz · 24/12/2024 13:36

How odd! The money paid to him by his ex employer would have gone into his account not yours so should go back to them from his account. I would contact the company and ask them if they sent it. If not, he's frauding them as well as you too. If he has the money you gave him saved for a house, surely he can pay the whole amount from it and resave? You have nothing to do with him or his affairs.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 24/12/2024 11:29

That's exactly what a clean break order is. Tell him to do one.

MollyButton · 24/12/2024 11:27

Maddy70 · 24/12/2024 11:07

Tbf if it was me I would actually give him some. If he was overpaid and you benefited from that.

Why?

If he suddenly had a win on the pools do you think he'd share it?

Thats why it's called a clean break agreement, as a line is drawn in the sand (apart from Child support, which goes up and down with parent's circumstances).

MollyButton · 24/12/2024 11:24

Debts in England and Wales are held by individuals but www.gov.uk/protect-land-property-from-fraud tells you how to protect yourself against fraud and how to get alerts (I get them every 6 months to say there has been no activity, but would get one quicker if anything did happen).

Maddy70 · 24/12/2024 11:07

Tbf if it was me I would actually give him some. If he was overpaid and you benefited from that.

MumoftwoGirls11 · 24/12/2024 11:01

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 11:46

Reply back "Great, let me know how that goes" and move on with your day.

this is such a great thing to do. Another mumsnetter posted it elsewhere and I've adopted it too, as a response to all annoying people who threaten court when they don't have a leg to stand on. Saves wasted time, headspace and emotional energy and allows us to get on with productive things!

Pippyls67 · 24/12/2024 10:50

The man’s a clown. It will cost him as much in solicitors fees as he would hope to get - to find out he won’t! Thank God you’re rid of the fool.

pollymere · 24/12/2024 09:24

He can arrange a payment plan to pay it back at a rate he can afford. He's not your responsibility.

MikeRafone · 24/12/2024 07:24

Make sure you give his previous ampler his new address

Justsayit123 · 24/12/2024 05:35

Hope you’re not going to pay

Lollipopsicle · 24/12/2024 00:55

Bannedontherun · 22/12/2024 12:26

@HPandthelastwish I saw that thread too 😀

Me too! Great response, which I think many Mumsnetters will be using going forth. 😂

AConcernedCitizen · 24/12/2024 00:39

OP, please send him the following reply...

"HA!"

(Very important it's all it CAPS)

Thalia31 · 24/12/2024 00:34

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

lol he doesn’t have to pay CMS? Please stop being in contact with this man he is manipulating creep and you seem very naive

Original poster
cadburyegg · 23/12/2024 23:17

Wow overwhelmed by responses. Thank you. I feel better.
To answer some questions

I have seen the invoice, he showed it to me when I saw him last. It looks legit. I wondered too if the employer can claim after this long but it seems like they can.

I didn’t realise someone not living here can take on a debt on the house? How do I check the address?

As for CMS I first applied a year ago when he stopped paying maintenance - we had an informal arrangement before this. They said he didn’t have to pay because he’s in receipt of state benefits and has the kids EOW. I applied for a variation due to his savings and it was rejected. Something to do with the fact that only the interest on the savings is taken into account. CMS did their annual review this month and he still doesn’t have to pay anything. Total waste of time. He's "self employed" but I bet doesn't declare much. I thought the DWP pressure you to be "gainfully" SE so I don't get it.

He definitely would not have given me half of it was a cheque. He got a £400 tax return after we split and I didn’t see any of it.

OP posts:
NiftyPeachDreamer · 23/12/2024 23:05

No, you don’t owe him a penny.

It’s worrying that you think you should pay anything.

You should have taken his half of the divorce fees out of the money you paid him.

Why so CMS think he shouldn’t pay? Is he on a PAYE job?

44PumpLane · 23/12/2024 22:54

I'm only mentioning this in case it happens to anyone else, not for your Ex's benefit, but if the overpayment employer is the same as the redundancy employer then check the redundancy settlement terms.

When I was made redundant I had to sign that my settlement was full and final settlement of all claims from both parties, Ie if they realised they had overpaid me £10k they couldn't come back to me to have me repay it, likewise if I realised they'd underpaid me £10k (as if) then I couldn't come back to them as we had signed a final settlement.

Much like your clean break order is a full and final settlement really.

RavenhairedRachel · 23/12/2024 22:41

Tell him to go swivel

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 23/12/2024 21:22

*Prick

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 23/12/2024 21:20

I can see why you divorced the price. Tell him to look up the term clean break and he will find it is the equivalent in this situation to JOG THE FUCK ON YOU CF. Point out he can see all the solicitors he likes but I hope he realises they will charge him and that is just adding to the bill he has to pay.

ThejoyofNC · 23/12/2024 20:54

I feel like it's a fake letter and he's trying to scam you.

Bernardo1 · 23/12/2024 20:39

Two issues.
Q1) can his former employer make this claim?
A1) who cares, not your problem.

Q2) can/should you contribute?
A2) ditto A1

Seriously doubt, the remotest chance he could oblige you to contribute, unless you're silly.

If he didn't use solicitor during divorce, consider it extremely unlikely he would do so for this. Their costs surely would take up much of the 1K, so pointless. They would tell him, little chance anyway, proceeding against you.

CalmBalonz · 23/12/2024 19:33

Tell him to do one!

tommyhoundmum · 23/12/2024 18:54

No, you don't have to contribute. Don't let him bully you.

He should tell the firm he doesn't have the money to make repayment. He accepted the money in his salary in good faith and it has been spent.

Better still. Don't talk to him at all.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/12/2024 18:53

cadburyegg · 22/12/2024 11:43

I am panicking.

My exh moved out 4 years ago. About a year before that, he'd been made redundant. He did get a new job just before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I got a letter for him, this is unusual as he's changed everything to his new address, but anyway I gave it to him. He's told me that it was an invoice from his previous employer (the one he worked for before his 2020 redundancy) to say he'd been overpaid by £1000 and needs to repay it pronto. He's said that because we were together at the time and I kept some savings when he left, that I should pay half of it.

I've told him absolutely not but he's guilt tripping me and now I'm worried if I should morally give him something? I did have about 3k in savings but I've since spent it on house repairs and divorce costs. We are now divorced and the financial order came through a month ago. I've said the financial order means we can't claim off each other but he disagrees. It's a clean break order, I bought him out of the house and transferred him a LOT of money. He hasn't paid anything towards the divorce, he's never seen a solicitor, I paid for everything. He's also paid no regular child maintenance for a year because CMS says he doesn't have to.

I told him to use the money I transferred to him and he said absolutely not he's saving that for a new house. He's threatened to see a solicitor but I can't believe he will get anywhere. AIBU?

Do not give him a penny. What a cheek! He has no legs to stand on at all. Financial order is final. He’s calling your bluff. Don’t even engage with him in it.

Dont pass in his post anymore either. You’re not the post office. He needs to redirect his mail. Just write “Return to sender. Not at this address” on the envelope and return it to sender. This is not your problem.

Bluejacket · 23/12/2024 14:39

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 11:46

Reply back "Great, let me know how that goes" and move on with your day.

Ha ha!!! See what you did there. I really enjoyed that post too!

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