Guests haven't RSVPd for Xmas drinks and food

I’d message “hi, food shopping today for christmas- if I don’t hear back I’ll assume you’re not coming! Have a lovely christmas “ and leave it at that

I’ve seen me agreeing to plans months ahead and say that’s great bla bla and at the time I mean it, but as the time gets closer more often than not I’ve changed my mind.

And were you not taught as a child that, you need to honour your commitments even if you don't fancy it closer to the time ?

I wouldn’t chase, it makes you look desperate for numbers.

I really wouldn't bother with them.

So rude, but I think it’s possible they think it’s a free option that you will be hosting anyway (without considering how much prepping and food is needed)

Clearly this wouldn’t inspire me to invite them again, but it may be crossed wires. People can be staggering rude at this time of year. We went to a party last night and half the guests left for another party at 9.30pm 😬

Or simply - Hey, need to confirm numbers today for the get-together on Christmas night so let me know if you can make or not. Thanks!

I wouldn't chase them, I'd assume they weren't coming. They are very rude not to let you know. If they do turn up you could say it's lovely to see them but you hadn't expected them so there might not be as much to eat as they might have anticipated, because they didn't finalise things with you. That should give them the message.
I'd actually then never invite them again and would want to cool the friendship. Real friends don't mess people around like this.

Hi, 👋🏻 I'm heading out food shopping today for Christmas Day and numbers wise assuming you and family won't be able to come this year, if you are planning to come I need to know now! 😁. If not have a fantastic Christmas and all the best in 2025 ❤️ Will catch up with you at a later date xx

It's not about being rude. It's about not being able to be confrontational. You're on MN where 99% of posts are about not being able to say what you mean.

I don't get it. It's so much ruder to not bother to reply than to say "no".

I'd assume they either don't want to come or they're planning on seeing how they feel on the day. Either way they don't want to come enough to commit.

I would leave it, assume they won't be there, but have some spare food you can put out if necessary and act very surprised if they do turn up.

I suspect it’s not at the front of their minds because they have a lot on and / or they have assumed this is more a casual drop in affair rather than an organised and catered event and are playing it by ear, which is the norm for large group drop ins. Just tell them you need to confirm numbers for food today.

If it's a local pop around situation, maybe they think they can play it by ear and let you know on the day. Are you certain they know you need an advance rsvp?

Thats exactly what I would do!

Is it possible to have something quick filling and on standby in case they do walk through the door?

You shouldn't have to - as I agree it bloody rude not to let you know- but a few frozen platter styles thing than can be cooked from frozen fairly quickly and put out - so you don't have to chase and get further mess around.

I'd take a slightly different tack and text 'guess you can't make it on X day, not to worry, another time!'

Yes I would go with this.

It's incredibly rude, even the last minute Harrys must know that you need to buy the ingredients for Christmas dinner a few days in advance.

I wouldn't ask again, just organise food for the numbers you know are attending.
They've possibly made other plans as it was only confirmed last week, but they really ought to let you know.

This is very rude of them.

I would (personally) pull them up on this with a message along the lines of…..

As I haven’t had a confirmation back, I’ve taken it that you won’t join us.

They should let you know in an ideal world but it’s very difficult to make excuses when they’ve already said they don’t have plans, especially on Xmas Day, they can’t say they’ve been called in to work or need to go the car garage or dentist…

I’ve seen me agreeing to plans months ahead and say that’s great bla bla and at the time I mean it, but as the time gets closer more often than not I’ve changed my mind.

I realise that some people would prefer “We don’t want to come anymore” and I understand why as then you’ll know how much food to get etc.. but plenty of people don’t want to be that blunt.

I wouldn’t chase them. Just leave it and assume they aren’t coming. That way if they’ve genuinely forgot to reply they won’t do that again and you can invite then I’m but explain there may not be much food as you weren’t expecting them.

If they don’t turn up, it’s because they didn’t want to come, buy didn’t know how to get out of it. People don’t forget about things they really want to go to in general. No reply means they’re not fussed.

I agree it’s a pain but don’t keep pushing it.

I think I’d message them and say “I’m just finalising the food order for Christmas Day. Could you let me know by X time whether you are able to join us so I can ensure I have enough in. I’ll assume you are not able to make it if I haven’t heard by then. Have a lovely Christmas if we don’t see you.”

They are inconsiderate not to have let you know. But if they are newish friends with teens I cannot imagine their teens will be wanting to spend Christmas night away from home with friends of their parents, so I expect they are not coming and feel bad about saying so.

I’d say nothing more and crack on with your evening, they are rude, no matter what their reason/s.

Some people don't cope very well with 'confrontation'. They're people pleasers or just don't like saying no.

As usual on MN, first reply is what you need.