Guests haven't RSVPd for Xmas drinks and food

Agree that this is rude. What did your last message say?

If you said we'd love you to join then the offer is still out there so I think you need to cater as if they will. If you said let me know then only cater if they respond.

I like to have a plan so just think about myself I'd send a message saying 'I'm doing the last shopping for Xmas Day today. Let me know asap if you're coming otherwise hope you have a great Xmas and see you in the NY!!'.

I would have precisely one thing they can eat on your table, and if they show up you feign surprise and say, "Oh, you didn't RSVP so I assumed you weren't coming and I didn't cater for your dietary requirements. You're welcome to have some sprouts, everything else is either meat or cooked in goose fat though unfortunately."

I think I’d just text them to say, haven’t heard back from you about 25th so we’ll see you in the New Year, have a lovely Christmas.

They don't want to come and are to rude to say so. Just stop asking them and write them off.

I get your pain, I'm still waiting on confirmation from someone for Christmas dinner, and that's the person with very specific dietary needs, which I don't mind catering for, but I would like to know if I have to!

OP it is not 'needy' to chase them for a response to your invitation.

It is, however very rude of them not to reply.

'Hi X, we're finalising numbers for Xmas day evening. Please could you let us know by the end of the day if you are coming?"

Then if you don't hear back you know they aren't.

I would just assume they aren't coming, but have some extra food you can quickly whip out of the freezer in case they do. And I wouldn't invite them again.

Personally, I would just over cater. They're more likely to be just caught up in other stuff, and replying has fallen down the seemingly endless 'to do' list.
Might be considered quite rude, yes, but it happens sometimes.

I can't imagine older teens wanting to spend Christmas evening at a buffet with new friends of their parents anyway? And leftovers can get used up.

Merry Christmas!

I've learned the hard way that, 'I'll let you know' means "no" or "I'll keep you hanging to see if I get a better offer". It's so annoying. Just be honest and say no up front.

Absolutely do not say ‘sorry to hassle you’ when you are the one buying, cooking and hosting rude people! Omg.

Probably, but OP can't count on that can she because they may turn up. People do that sometimes.

Yep. So many excuses cited on here. Just plain rude.

I'd imagine for the majority it's just rudeness rather than something quite so deep, frankly!

I agree with this - some people are incapable of saying no. But, I wish they would realise that dithering about and not saying anything is far ruder in the long run than a simple "oh thanks- sounds great but unfortunately we cant make it". People pleasing pisses people off in a far more visceral manner than just saying thanks but no thanks because noone ever knows how they really feel and it comes across as very inauthentic and flaky.

OP- I would assume they arent coming and I wouldnt bother asking them again.

For a lot of people it's deep rooted scarring from replaying the intense feelings they had of being rejected themselves in the past, and the thought of putting that on someone else is too much - even for something comparatively very minor - as it still creates the same feelings.

No it doesn't.

would you rather risk having undercateredbifvtheyvdhiw up?

it ALL your guests that'll miss out if you do, not just these people.

I have on Mumsnet, which is populated by a whole load of strange people. Not IRL, thankfully. I think they're bloody idiots, frankly!

They need some re-education in social niceties, IMO.

They have already confirmed they're not coming.

"I'll check with my husband" and "We'll let you know" is the adult equivalent of saying to a child, "We'll see." It's a no.

They found it easy to be keen in the summer because they didn't think you'd remember six months later.

Assume they're not coming and send a message along the lines of... We hope you have a wonderful Christmas and we'll see you in the new year x

Yes, it's a bit rude when they've said they'll let you know. Especially when there's a number of them. But I expect it's a case of not being entirely sure of timings on Christmas Day (maybe they unsure if their Christmas Day visitors (parents??) will have gone by the time yours starts or will stay for the evening? Whether they can leave in time without seeming rude if they go elsewhere etc)

However, your choice now is to contact her and ask (again) or cater either or without them included (so not enough food or loads left over).

so it's your problem now, whether they are rude or not. Contact her or make a catering decision.

I'm not sure how much clearer I can be. Some people can't stand telling people they can't do something.

You must have read thread after thread on here where someone is overwhelmed at the thought of saying no or telling the truth. They can't even tell their husbands to pitch in, they'd rather martyr themselves.

For some people, turning down an invitation is too much and they just avoid you rather than have to say they can't do something. I'm surprised you haven't come across this before as it's quite common.

i am one of those people who hates phone calls but I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t just call in these circumstances and say “I am just planning food and wanted to check if you were coming or not” . I wouldn’t text (unless they don’t pick up phone) as then you are just waiting on another reply.

It’s a totally normal thing to do and not needy at all. It would be needy if you were ringing when the event was ages away but it’s not now!

Turning down an invitation isn't bloody confrontational though. I'm rather 🙄 at anybody who thinks it is really!

Preferring to be rude over simply responding isn't on.

This is exactly what I’d do.

This.

I hate how people seem to be very flakey these days and want to be able to decide on the day if they can be bothered/have a better offer. Make a commitment and stick to it unless ill!