Guests haven't RSVPd for Xmas drinks and food

This -
He thinks his wife has "Okay'ed" it , She thinks the husband said to yours that they'll attend .

I;d just send a quick text to check then leave it .

"We'll let you know " might be a "No we;re waiting for a better offer " though.

@Doliveira has it. Perfect message!

I feel this is sort of thing where Mr thinks Mrs is doing and vice versa, it could all be a confusion. I could totally imagine me asking DP his availability him dithering for some reason, deciding yes and telling me, then telling me he’d seen your DH who’d reminded him about the Xmas eve party and me assuming he means he’s confirmed. Whilst he assumes I’m in charge of that as woman arrange most things.

I think I would tell them you’re doing the food shop tomorrow morning so can they let you know by then if they’re planning to come.

Very rude not to reply either way

as an aside though I’d hate to be committed to a social event with new friends on Christmas Day evening!

I would do this. It stops just short of being passive agressive, while ensuring you're not left hanging.

I would do this too - if they turn up and you don't have enough food it's on them

Absolutely this. Drives me bonkers especially if organising my diary around a maybe/ probably.

I don't think you're being realistic inviting them so late - anything after late November is too late and it puts people on the spot.

it was probably unrealistic given what you said about doing work on your house, so you shouldn't have invited them this year, especially as they're very new friends and you don't know what their family set up is.

Plus i agree that saying no is difficult for some people. It doesn't make them the world's rudest people, it's just uncomfortable, especially as they are new friends and don't want to reject you.

I think this is the best

I'd just send a quick message saying something like:

Hi Name, just wondering what you and DH drink?

So not a chase exactly but she'll know you mean the party so gives them a chance to reply if they are/are not coming along and no pressure either way.

as above poster wrote "Guess you can't make it on X day, not to worry, another time!'

is all you need

They're not coming. If they were, they would've contacted you.

Its rude and thoughtless but a sign of the times and at least you know to avoid them.

Assume they're not coming because they won't so I would make the decision and draw a line under it - you can do without the stress.

Not unreasonable. Just text them.

"Hey xx. Just wondering if you were going to be joining for the Christmas evening buffet? Need to start preparing so looking at numbers. If you can let me know by Monday eve would be hugely appreciated.
Thanks"

If they don't reply by given time, don't cater for them.

Some people are too polite to say no until there is an urgency.

Some people are just flippant about these things.

Either way, let them know that now you NEED to know.

Not rude, just realistic.

YABU. Just message them 🙄 Obviously they’re rude by not contacting you but you’re just making things difficult for yourself by fretting over whether they’re coming or not. If they don’t reply then don’t buy food ‘in case’ they come. It’s their problem if there isn’t enough 🤷‍♀️

Why is it wrong to chase here? I would definitely chase, and give a deadline! Say, please let me know by 5pm today if you are free to come. If I don’t hear back, I’ll assume it’s a no, and look forward to catching up in the new year.

no way would I be hanging on for such twerps.

As you have spoken to the woman and your husband has talked to the man, could be that they both think the other has confirmed? I would check as there could possibly have been a bit of confusion on their end.

Depending on your type of buffet, you.could make some Christmas sausage rolls (add cranberry sauce and chopped chestnuts) and make with pre made puff pastry and freeze. Small ones are quick to cook directly from frozen if you need a top.up of food.

I always make these for Christmas as the family will go.out for walks with the dog and get back starving! I ask them to text when they are close by and throw them in so they are out and ready when they get back. They go down a treat!

Some people are just thoughtless and don't confirm until the day before.

I would text and say "let me know by x time if you can come so I buy enough food" then if they don't respond you can assume they are not coming.

Of course you don’t chase them up. Send a message saying Happy Christmas and New Year, see you in 2025, xx

They don’t want to come, they’re rude, don’t invite again.

No, it's fair enough to remind people to reply to things. Sometimes people think they've already done it, but haven't really.

I won't chase them as it looks needy and I won't stoop to a PA nudge either, as tempting as that is!

Its not chasing someone for an RSPV and certainly not needy - its plane rude not to reply. Its also not passive aggressive to ask for an answer

That's what happens when you don't let people know what you're doing. They don't cater for you.

Its rude, regardless of whether you are preparing food or not - just answer the flipping invitation

Text them

Hi, haven't heard back from you with regards the invitation on Xmas day - I will take it you're not attending and not cater for you, if I've not heard by 11 am tomorrow Monday 23rd. Merry Xmas & Happy New Year.