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Guests haven't RSVPd for Xmas drinks and food

136 replies

SoDemure · 22/12/2024 10:39

For the past few years, post covid, we have been out Xmas day and then hosted friends for drinks and a buffet in the evening (cheese board, gammon, roast potatoes, etc).

Made new friends this year and they seemed very keen to join when we mentioned this back in the summer. I couldn't confirm until late as we're having work done on the house but, last week, I text to say we're definitely going ahead with drinks etc and would love for them to join. They had already told us they were just home for Xmas, very local to us.

The wife said she would check with her husband. Fine, no worries. Her husband saw mine later in the week and said "we'll let you know".

They still haven't confirmed and I'm not sure whether to chase them or not.

It makes a slight difference as to how much food I prepare as they are big eaters with older teens, and I would be mortified if I hadn't prepared enough food.

I think they're being very rude not to confirm either way. Even if food wasn't an issue, surely it's not that difficult to say yes or no after you've had a week to think about it?

I know I can call or text to chase them, but am being a bit petty as I think they should be the ones to politely RSVP.

OP posts:
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angela1952 · 14/01/2025 10:26

SoDemure · 14/01/2025 09:45

Of course. Quite boring though. DH and I decided we wouldn't chase and as it got closer to Xmas, we just assumed they wouldn't come. And they didn't.

DH has since seen the couple and he said they didn't mention anything. The wife has not been in touch with me.

I've concluded they are quite rude people and while I will be warm and friendly when I see them at events, I will not invite them to anything I am hosting again.

I really do not like bad manners. It costs nothing to be polite.

Yes, that’s really rude. We’ve had that happen a couple of times, once when we were having a sit down restaurant meal which was expensive as well as annoying.

SoDemure · 14/01/2025 09:45

angela1952 · 14/01/2025 08:28

Could we have an update please @SoDemure?

Of course. Quite boring though. DH and I decided we wouldn't chase and as it got closer to Xmas, we just assumed they wouldn't come. And they didn't.

DH has since seen the couple and he said they didn't mention anything. The wife has not been in touch with me.

I've concluded they are quite rude people and while I will be warm and friendly when I see them at events, I will not invite them to anything I am hosting again.

I really do not like bad manners. It costs nothing to be polite.

OP posts:
angela1952 · 14/01/2025 08:28

Could we have an update please @SoDemure?

stayathomer · 13/01/2025 21:36

I don’t think you get notifications if you start a thread that people are still responding so probably better to tag the op? (I could be wrong!)

Sockmate123 · 13/01/2025 21:33

Ilikeadrink14 · 10/01/2025 21:46

I hate it when people post something on here that obviously invites replies, but then never responds to those replies! We don’t know how the problem/situation has panned out! A clear case of ‘light the touch paper and stand clear’. Really infuriating!

I completely agree! So many people offer advice on threads and OP never gives an update! Frustrating

Ilikeadrink14 · 10/01/2025 21:46

I hate it when people post something on here that obviously invites replies, but then never responds to those replies! We don’t know how the problem/situation has panned out! A clear case of ‘light the touch paper and stand clear’. Really infuriating!

barbarahunter · 29/12/2024 13:14

This happened to me this year too. As others have said, if they don't want to/can't come, no problem, but it is only manners to let the host know. It is bloody rude.

surreygirl1987 · 29/12/2024 13:11

Did they show up, OP?

Ilikeadrink14 · 29/12/2024 12:33

roses2 · 22/12/2024 13:33

Some people are just thoughtless and don't confirm until the day before.

I would text and say "let me know by x time if you can come so I buy enough food" then if they don't respond you can assume they are not coming.

But what if they do??

converseandjeans · 26/12/2024 05:21

Did they show up? I think they were hedging their bets & wanted the option there but didn't want to commit.

Sockmate123 · 26/12/2024 00:12

Is there an update OP? Was thinking of you this evening

purplecub · 25/12/2024 19:53

Did they come OP?

SouthernBelle2 · 25/12/2024 19:31

OP, never underestimate people's capacity to let you down .

Mayana1 · 25/12/2024 00:14

SoDemure · 22/12/2024 10:51

That's absolutely fine! It's an invite, not a summons. I wouldn't go anywhere Xmas evening but I'm very happy to host. Just odd they won't confirm one way or another.

I would just text them:
You are probably not coming, but I am just texting you to confirm that.

Prioryfodder · 24/12/2024 11:39

You are not being unreasonable, but I have this problem a lot. I am very sociable but my husband is not. So I find invitations very hard to answer. Frustratingly he often enjoys himself if I can get him out. My close friends I can explain to, less close it can be hard. We are seldom invited to things nowadays and I don’t blame people!

SoDemure · 23/12/2024 23:36

angela1952 · 23/12/2024 22:38

Maybe they don't know you well enough to know how to say they don't want to come. Personally I wouldn't go out on Chritmas evening either, strange time to host when everyone is full of Christmas lunch.

Meh. We've done it for a few years now with a couple of families and some singletons joining. They like it which is partly why we do it each year.

OP posts:
angela1952 · 23/12/2024 22:38

SoDemure · 22/12/2024 10:51

That's absolutely fine! It's an invite, not a summons. I wouldn't go anywhere Xmas evening but I'm very happy to host. Just odd they won't confirm one way or another.

Maybe they don't know you well enough to know how to say they don't want to come. Personally I wouldn't go out on Chritmas evening either, strange time to host when everyone is full of Christmas lunch.

Sockmate123 · 23/12/2024 21:34

Did you hear from them OP?

Emanresu52 · 23/12/2024 20:30

Namechangeobviously2024 · 22/12/2024 10:57

I'd assume they weren't coming. If they did turn up I am not sure I'd be able to resist looking astonished and saying "Oh, I didn't realise you were coming! I'm so sorry, I don't think we have enough food for you. Do come in and have a drink though." And never invite them again.

This.

Laura95167 · 23/12/2024 19:25

No answer is an answer

I wouldn't waste your money, if they show up just say oh apologies there isn't much I didn't have confirmation you were coming

SoDemure · 22/12/2024 23:06

ShanghaiDiva · 22/12/2024 16:46

So now it’s OP’s fault for inviting them…FFS let’s not make life any more difficult than it needs to be. Not responding makes them rude- just text back no. You don’t have to speak to anyone…
I wonder how people actually function in everyday life.

Yep. And they're relatively new in that we've known them well for about 18 months or so. Been out to dinner, parties, late night drinking at each other's house. We know each other's family set ups fairly well.

For those saying I don't need to do food, we're only kicking off from evening so it's very likely people will be in the mood for grazing. And I would never ever host without food.

It could be that they each thought the other confirmed. Will ask DH to text the guy to check in I think.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 22/12/2024 16:46

daisychain01 · 22/12/2024 14:13

I don't think you're being realistic inviting them so late - anything after late November is too late and it puts people on the spot.

it was probably unrealistic given what you said about doing work on your house, so you shouldn't have invited them this year, especially as they're very new friends and you don't know what their family set up is.

Plus i agree that saying no is difficult for some people. It doesn't make them the world's rudest people, it's just uncomfortable, especially as they are new friends and don't want to reject you.

So now it’s OP’s fault for inviting them…FFS let’s not make life any more difficult than it needs to be. Not responding makes them rude- just text back no. You don’t have to speak to anyone…
I wonder how people actually function in everyday life.

Hedgerow2 · 22/12/2024 16:19

I still don't understand why op is cooking gammon, roast potatoes etc on Xmas day evening when most people will presumably have had a big Xmas lunch - or prefer to stay at home and have a proper Xmas dinner.

It's going to be impossible to cater accurately even for people who have confirmed as there's no way of knowing how hungry they might be.

The people who haven't responded might assume it's a casual drinks and finger food event - drop in if you've not slipped into a food coma by xmas evening - and not realise how important it is to op that they know exact numbers. Catering for large numbers is difficult I know so best to keep the menu flexible.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/12/2024 15:40

I wouldn’t say’sorry to hassle you’ when they are the ones who should apologise. Just Please let us know if you’re coming as we need final numbers this evening- thanks. That’s clear that if you don’t hear, it’s a No.

Toomanyemails · 22/12/2024 15:34

Id probably have replied after "we'll let you know" with "lovely, if you'd want to join for food let me know by the 22nd, but either way feel free to drop in for the drinks and games!"
Agree they're probably assuming it's casual drop in and waiting to see how they feel