DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

He doesn't live with you ...so not her step dad ..just your boyfriend
Why are you using him as a taxi service ..
You need to learn to drive
That said ,he's obviously not very nice to say what he did ...
But how many lifts had he already given you both ,there and back and waiting around ..he's only human too ,maybe you asked to much of him and should of used taxis some times

of course this is about him as he is the focus of this thread poor put upon beleaguered probably ex boyfriend that he is
daughter is not his responsibility after all

I agree. What a sod. Awful time to bring it up. I'd have to finish with him, for the sake of my DD.

However I assume you all were grateful for the lifts, said so m, didn't take it for granted and maybe you offered some money for fuel - non drivers often don't appreciate how expensive this is, over 6 weeks. Doesn't excuse his behaviour though, which was appalling.

Blimey.
thrilled and delighted?!

People don’t do everything because it’s thrilling and delightful. Sometimes we just do the right thing for people we care about, even if we don’t really want to.

gee thanks 😘

You can't make any excuses for him. No matter how he felt, he chose to act out and make it all about himself when he was taking a young girl to visit her father just before he died. That's unforgivable.

It's not a huge surprise that you've had abuse previously in your life, OP, because you don't seem to be able to recognise his behaviour as abusive.

@VacuumPacked Why would you assume any man is going to be thrilled and delighted to be running his girlfriend to hospital to visit her EX ? 14 times ?!

He wasn't running OP to hospital to visit her ex. He was running OP's daughter, a child who has been in his life for the best part of 7 years (which is a highly significant proportion of her life given she's only 16), to the hospital so she could visit her father.

There are lots of tasks we do for people we care about that we don't particularly feel good about. However, we or most people at least feel good about helping that person. I doubt many people are thrilled and delighted to be changing a child's nappy for example, but people do it because it feels good to know the child feels clean and comfortable. Is this an alien concept to you?

This is the kind of jealous crap my ex would have tried to pull.
He isn't taking his dp to see her ex, he is taking the dd of his dp (who he has known since she was 9) to see her dying dad. If he doesn't want to that's up to him, but it's not hard to see why that decision would have a big impact on his relationship with not just the dd but his partner too, who's sole focus should be on getting her kids through losing their dad not him.
IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM.

You sound lovely.

Please do not bring this person to live in your house with your newly bereaved children.

He didn’t want to do it, for whatever reason, but he did.

Why would you assume any man is going to be thrilled and delighted
to be running his girlfriend to hospital to visit her EX ? 14 times ?!
this makes him more of a hero than one of those other things

‘Make your own way home’ could have had a question mark after,
no one would know if demise was imminent or take hours, this is
fair enough.

Reading between the lines, his ‘lashing out’ was a need for acknowledgement,
reassurance, gratitude even, not taken for granted, although he could have
held it in for longer.

OP has said, sometimes they take a taxi.

I would drive for anyone repeatedly in these circumstances - it is beyond credible - never in a million years would my DH do this

I hope you aren't still planning to marry/move in with him. You are totally unsuited to each other. You becoming a driver will not fix this. He doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with the complexities in your life and you don't have the independence that he needs.

Even though you could have called a taxi he still has the attitude. Bloody hell if you can’t help a kid out when her father is hours from death when can you. I’d have driven a stranger to a hospital if it was that urgent.
Only my experience, but I think it would scar your dd far more to be prevented from saying goodbye to her dad than seeing him die.
please dump the partner , he’s shown you what he’s like. And condolences to your dc.

if Id been with someone for 7? years who expected me to run him to hospital to see his ill/dying ex I would tell him to get lost, traumatising though that may be for him I would also expect him to plan for eventualities and get semi hysterical daughter to hospital on all occasions, whilst questioning the validity of the ‘relationship’

Good thing your view is pretty rare then. Unfortunately for this hypothesis there isn’t much notice of a high proportion of deaths.

Possibly. But it was clear he was already annoyed that morning and she still decided to tell him to take them to the hospital instead of asking him. It was a bad time for him to finally put his foot down, but he's not wrong to feel taken advantage of.

He doesn't even live with them.

Congrats, you have got my first ever LTB!

I'd have saved it for an OP who actually lives with their partner so they have someone to leave.

yes of course - ex husband, like throwing their romantic relationship up in the air

yes, OP daughter’s dad, but not strictly speaking the boyfriend’s place to be accommodating this as thougn its his duty and the right thing to do -
not so

this thread is redolent with high sanctimony

If this situation was reversed,
if Id been with someone for 7? years who expected me to run him to hospital to see his ill/dying ex I would tell him to get lost, traumatising though that may be for him

I would also expect him to plan for eventualities and get semi hysterical daughter to hospital on all occasions, whilst questioning the validity of the ‘relationship’

and expect him to drive, a necessary skill abeit expensive, could have been prioritised, unusual too for a 25 year old man not to be driving, when this is a time
he could be stepping up, ‘ people can’t afford it ‘ means this is seen as an optional extra and not, as illistrated here, one of modern life’s necessities.

you as a family have been through an extraordinary amount of stress the last 6 weeks and this has strained your relationship - but it is over now.

How is it over now? Do you have any idea what it's like to lose a parent at that age? This is only the beginning!

I think you should break off the relationship.

You need someone who will provide you and your family with unconditional support 24/7 and I wonder whether this is a fair expectation of him given that he doesn’t even live with you yet. Would I want to drive my DSDs to DH’s ex-wife’s sickbed 14 times? Hell no. I would do it, but it would not be easy for me. I think you are asking for more than he can give.

He needs someone more independent and given the incident I can’t see how he can marry you and live with your daughter in the same house (sorry if I made an assumption there but with agoraphobia and other mental health issues it sounds like she will struggle to live independently). She will not be happy with him in her space after this, and if he is retired he will be at home all day.

I think you took him for granted and he wasn’t happy but said nothing because of the circumstances. She then yelled at him (understandably) and he snapped. The circumstances were terrible but that doesn’t warrant the abuse he’s received here. He is just not able to give what you need, so move on.

Firstly, I’m so sorry you and your children are going through this.

secondly, I can see why someone would be annoyed giving lifts 14 times to something like a karate club or horse riding. But their terminally ill parent is extremely different! And if he IS feeling like a taxi driver, why the fuck does he need to express this feeling to a 16 year old on what is probably the worst day of her life so far. If he’s that much of a twat he should be feeling ‘relieved’ that this will be his last drive to the hospital…

if you’re not convinced by this incident to end things with him you should spend time doing some deep, deep reflection on his character, his behaviour and what your relationship is like. I would be really surprised if he was a lovely guy who normally is lovely to you all and that this was the first type of toxic red flag behaviour he has shown. Good luck OP xx

That's appalling behaviour

This nails it. Fuck him OP. I hope you screw him over on the way out.

Yep. All of this.