DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

I know i may be missing the point here but is he really the only one out of all of you who can drive?

I mean his behaviour was shitty, even if he was being used as a taxi he should of sucked it up under the circumstances, but I’m not sure why him conveying you to the hospital was the only way to get there. Public transport? Taxi?

It's unfair that he has to drive everywhere. I've seen that you're learning which is great and should take the pressure off him. It's not fair for him to have to drive both you and your kids - particularly to go and see your ex multiple times.

However, quite obviously, yesterday was NOT the time to make that point. He is an absolute knob for doing so there and then.

You need to decide whether you can overlook this, under the assumption that things will get better when you can drive too.

It's obviously been a hard time for you all, these past few weeks. I'm sorry for you and your family's loss.

I expect if you delve a bit deeper, you would uncover alot of pain buried down regarding his relative you said had passed. I imagine he really did have good intentions when it came to advising your daughter not to see her Dad, I cannot be a pleasant experience at all to witness someone go downhill like that.

It was very harsh telling you to find your way home, he really should have sucked it up.

I'm hoping in the next day or so he will come to you and apologise and explain, in which case, I believe all should be forgiven.

If not, then you may have some thinking to do....

Wishing you, your son and daughter all the best x

What an awful, selfish man. I'm very sorry for you and your daughter 🙏

It's not missing the point- it is the reason OP wants her husband to drive them!

YANBU
ID drive my partner willingly, especially in such circumstances coz I love them. It’s part of a relationship.

he wielded control over your daughter in a really cruel way that wasn’t necessary at all. I’m not sure I could look at DP in the same way after this. Your DD will always remember that trauma.

The complete lack of empathy and compassion shown towards your daughter by your DP is spectacular.

Not sure if it was driven by a perverse power trip, pettiness, jealousy or whatever made your DP feel sorry for himself, but it is evident that he is not a good person to be around your 16 year old while she mourns her dad -

Personally, I would be very slow to forgive, as in, he might-might- be forgiven in maybe 6 million years from now type of forgiven.

For your daughter’s sake you should definitely not see him over Christmas and New year, she needs your support and not to be further traumatised by his reaction. And I’d be really re-thinking the relationship, if he can’t step up for a few weeks for a bereaved 16 year old he’s really not a good partner. At the very least he should have kept his mouth firmly shut and talked to you in private if he was finding it difficult.

This this this.
condolences

But if he goes who will drive them around all the time?
Do seriously expect a 25 year old man and a middle aged woman to actually learn to drive?

Well he’s horrible and I’d bin him if I were you. Making a terrible tragedy all about his mood and convenience. You know what he’s like now, and God forbid you’re ever ill and need his help

When people treat you badly when you are vulnerable, it is a demonstration of a deeply flawed personality. They also do it again and again.

LTB. Learn to drive though too.

I actually agree.
this is a devastating moment for your family. And he isn’t there for them.

This. Entirely.

It doesn't get worse than this.

Maybe he’d just had enough of being your unappreciated taxi driver and snapped?
It is your and your adult son’s choice not to drive but there is no justification for expecting others to drive you around.
I can see the timing was bad but he has my sympathy.
Do you ever show any appreciation for these chauffeuring services?

Abusive cunt. He really picked his moment to put the boot in.

Fucking horrible.

I only read the first post so apologies if I miss the point, but I on the fence about this…

1. Death is not always peaceful, it could be nasty and upsetting even in a hospital bed. I asked my ex to take his 18 year old to say goodbye to his grandmother and it was horrendous, the body shutting down is sometimes noisy and as unpeaceful as it could come. Your DP may have said he didn’t want her there out of a position of care that many of us are not familiar with.
2. He hold no resentment against your ex, he had driven you and the children to him many times, if he was as nasty as described he had not take any of you there ONCE.
3. when someone is that ill, it is not unusual to be called in to say good bye… several times. My grandmother had the last rites administered several times, my exp was told his mum would die “tonight” for two weeks. I bet that after so many times driving you there he thought this was another false alarm and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear if he is kicking himself about his comments now.
4. The fact you could have an argument with him about this and made him drive you all ti the hospital even if in a bad mood, makes me think he has not been a bastard to you all this time. If he had, I’m sure you wouldn’t have had this argument, you would have picked up the phone to call a taxi or a friend without asking him, as so many women with shit husbands do.

It was a bad argument to have at a time everyone was stressed, you have some grieving to do now and some healing to do about this unfortunate situation at another time.

🙄

It is one of those things that show up people's basic kindness and generosity. I expect it was irritating for the fiance, a lot of things are irritating, but an adult would realize that it wasn't going to be for ever and that being able to help someone (especially a child or teen) at such a horrible time compensates for the aggravation of being an on call ferry service.

Well the dd is only 16 so isn't allowed to yet.

I suspect money and/or health will be the main reason for OP and her Ds.

Your DH is a loathsome repulsive reptilious cunt
Your poor daughter having to go against this ..
I hope she never speaks to him again

you need to be able to follow the thread read and understand before starting to hurl in worn phrases like alien concept about nappies

there is obviously no excuse for reacting the way he did, obviously that wasn't the time or place, but this is a hell of a lot to expect from someone you don't even live with, particularly when he's presumably doing all the other driving for you as a family if you go shopping, out for a trip etc. I can understand why he would feel more like a chauffeur than a fiance.

LTB

What a cold hearted and nasty specimen of a man.

Your poor DD.

exactly. my point entirely