DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

this is an irrelevant opinion isn’t it? dh hardly the same as live out boyfriend

That is absolutely disgusting behaviour. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. He is a very cruel, uncaring man.

because we recognise random parameters ?

For me, kindness and empathy is extremely important in a life partner. Probably the most important thing. So this would be the end of the relationship for me. No turning back.

I can see how frustrating it must have been for him over the last 6 weeks, he's done an awful lot of driving back and forth for you and the kids. But he knew their dad was about to die and they needed to say goodbye, knowing this was probably the last run to the hospital he would have to do…… and he acted with the opposite of kindness and actually made an upsetting and stressful situation 10 times worse. He 100% should have kept his mouth shut that day and acted with empathy, but instead he chose to be a dick.

As a driver I sometimes get offered petrol money by those who cannot be bothered with the hassle of learning to drive.

please understand that being offered 40p a mile or whatever in no way compensates for the hassle of giving these grifting types endless lifts.

you probably need to eat something

Eh? Why?

I can imagine being a bit cheesed off if it was lots of driving to after school activities etc. but their dad was dying, for goodness sake!! I mean. It wasn’t going to go on for ever, was it?? I think this compassion- bypass that your partner has can only be viewed as a warning sign. Gosh, even if he felt that way, he should’ve just kept his big mouth shut. Dump him. You deserve better. Give him some petrol money and say adios

A young girls dad was dying, this isn't going to be a weekly occurrence is it

It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.

Very sorry for your loss OP and especially that of your children.

With that said, as a non-driver myself, I can’t imagine allowing this to go on at such a traumatic time for my child….

I would have gotten in a taxi ASAP rather than put my child through this.

brilliant

and didn’t stoop to name calling

I’m sorry you felt under pressure to go, how awful. I didn’t go but my mother did, twice, and described the scene to me in great detail despite me asking her to stop. I still have intrusive thoughts about the images her descriptions generated many years later.

it is one of the most incisive comments on MN which is not difficult

as comments go it doesn’t get much worse than this

I’ve shit better men than him!

Fkn hell I'd be ending it. That's horrific. I could never forgive a man behaving like that to my daughter. "Some people say the wrong thing at the wrong time" no. No mate that's just horrendous. I'm awkward as they come but I'd never act like this when someone's relative was dying, let alone a child's dad. Awful.

I know...

Hold on, he can’t be traumatised by the idea that he is helping recreate an awful experience of his own for somebody else? He has to be threatened with reliving it?

You obviously didnt read it because she's taking her driving test shortly.

No, we make too many excuses for everyone.

OP is also an adult in this case - she knows her DP was traumatised by this very situation and she could have got an Uber. She’s been an adult for years and doesn’t drive and this is her daughter whom her DP chauffeurs about, not his. All her responsibilities.

Based on her updates he has been driving thema round including her daughter for 7 years because she has anxiety and will not get into a car with strangers so no bus is taxi etc. So to me I think there is more to the story and it's not just a case of he is a selfish bastard and that's it.

He has driven her to see her father was it 14 or 16 times over the past 6 weeks, has driven her to her medical appointments etc because of her mental health illness despite the fact they don't even live together so not really a family so I find it strange he suddenly became selfish with no trigger or nothing else.

There's more to the story. According to OP he was against her going to see her father because he felt it would be traumatic, that's a valid concern though I also agree it's not his decision, did DD react rudely that made him decide not to drive her? We don't know but my point is I'm struggling to buy the story of he has been very supportive and helpful then suddenly he is a selfish bastard without nothing happening in between. It could be built up resentment over the past 7 years and something she said pushed him. Again I agree the timing wasn't right but my point is the transition from supportive helpful partner to sudden selfish bastard seems strange.

@JaneFrances I know, but why did he react this way this one time? After giving multiple lifts previously?

I’m not saying that it was acceptable, it wasn’t, but it’s really odd that it happened just this once.