DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

Leave him. You will lose your daughter if you stick by this awful cruel man

The death of her father will always be connected with the awful way your partner treated her so the relationship between them is irreparable. It's whether you can (or want to) find a way forward with him.

He definitely has a point about being the only driver but that was absolutely not the time to bring it up.

My boss was unsupportive to me when my brother died suddenly and I cannot think of his death without thinking of the way she treated me, the two things will always be connected. I hate that and despite therapy cannot stop looking them together in my head.

I know it’s been tough for you all but he was cruel and it was uncalled for . He would be my ex now .

Because they've read the OP? Last sentence.

I thought this too!

Hopefully you’ll pass, but also hopefully you’ll think about how awful he’s been to your poor daughter at her worst time and dump him rather than paying him back lifts.

If he was taking her to the supermarket by all means whinge, to her dying Dad - suck it up uncomplainingly. Anything else is unforgivable.

Agree. The relationship is over, though, I would think.

Please don’t stay with this man.

Why op and dd needed a lift is completely irrelevant.

Decent people put trivial annoyances beside in such circumstances. This man has doubtless destroyed any relationship he may have had with the poor girl.

Bin the fucker. He deserves to be alone and miserable.

Everyone falling over themselves to drive people to hospital to visit dying relatives (including strangers and neighbours you have stated) I hope you volunteer as hospital transport?

No matter if you have work or your own plans and the expectation goes on for 6 weeks- you would do it for anyone remember.

As if you would.

Where has the op said they don't live together? Why are people saying that.

I wonder if he has some subconscious jealousy at play. I think it’s quite common at these sorts of timings and might be part of his reaction.

I Wouldn’t have any interest in this man. Either he is a lacks empathy to a startling degree and will make anything about anyone else ultimately about him or he is incapable of calmly discussing and planning ordinary life issues. If bait g the driving he could have said weeks ago when or how many he would be available for and you could have sorted the rest. A taxi for a final emergency visit to a dying parent is a last resort lift - I would take any random person. Most decent people would. His response is so lacking in kindness and capability I would not be seeing him again.

So he's "concerned" she might be scarred for life being there, but not concerned that having just lost him she would be left to find her own way home after the devastating loss of a parent.

To quote MN favourite ..when someone shows you who they are believe them.

If he loves you, he would have behaved like a decent human being rather than a srroppy child. I would not be able to get past this so it would be over for me.

Exactly this.

LTB. I don’t have words to say what a despicable excuse for a person he is.

Have your daughters back here and show with your actions that it’s not OK to be treated like that. Honestly I could never speak to him again.

I'm not one to say leave him, easily but this was horrible, so yes leave. People saying it"s annoying him being the driver, ffs it is to drive to see her dying Dad, this partner has been in the daughters life since before she was 10, it's not driving her to random parties, it was desperation to see her Dad before he dies and he acted like that. Wow.

He has no business making judgement on whether Dd ‘should’ be with her dying Dad , and was out of order in having a strop on that day.

And I am sorry for your DD’s loss, and it must be a complex situation for you.

Does he often fail to manage his emotional outbursts? Show signs of being controlling or having no emotional intelligence?

I dare say it’s odd for him, if he has given hours driving to and from the hospital, feeling, to him, as if he is facilitating your ex, and your Dd that he doesn’t live with. A 30 min trip is an hour return. Has he been dropping you off and then coming to collect? That’s 2 hours driving.

But whatever, he just had no business criticising your Dd’s wish to be with her Dad, and he is just wrong about scarring her for life. His behaviour is more likely to do that.

It’s good you’re learning to drive, if you are not prepared to use taxis and buses,l.

But this isn’t really about that. It’s about communication, whether your DP feels jealous about the focus on your ex, his cruel insensitivity to the circumstances, whether he feels taken for granted, and how he communicates.

I would want a long reflective (on both sides) conversation once things have calmed down.

He's an arsehole and a pitiful excuse for a human being. No basic compassion at all. Do not continue the relationship. He's not your "partner" if he doesn't have your back in a crisis. Don't wait till next time life gets shitty to find out if he's still just as much an areshole.

He sounds pretty awful but you don't sound great either, it doesn't have to be either/or.

He clearly didn't want to be right in the middle of it all and you pushed and pushed rather than calling a taxi. If your DD treats him like the default lift giver at all times, that's also on you, especially as he isn't even living with you.

He told you he wanted no part in what he thought was a bad idea, you pushing it contributed to making a bad situation worse for everyone. A taxi would have got you there without the stress and baggage.

Not so 'D' after all, then. I totally acknowledge that it's irritating to be the only driver, but really? This was the time he chose to kick off about it? What a horrible, selfish man.

This is what I think.
You have been way overly reliant on him, if you can't drive then you need to sort out a taxi or get public transport sometimes.
He was obviously pissed off with all the chauffeuring - however, you're right that this was not the time to raise it.

I get the irritation about feeling like a taxi driver - but there is absolutely a time and place where certain events have to take priority. This was one of them.

He tried to emotionally manipulate your DD into not seeing her dying father simply because he didn't want to drive her there.

I would never be able to forgive this. Dump him - good luck with your driving test.

Your partner is a wanker. Frankly I would be leaving him.

Your poor dd. My thoughts and prayers go out to her.