DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

How anyone can behave so badly during a time like that is beyond me. Stupid man

I wouldn't be able to forgive this - it was unnecessarily cruel and nasty for him to create a scene at such a difficult time.

When my Nana was dying, I was the main driver as my aunt/sister and Nan's partner didn't drive.
I never occurred to me to feel put out by picking them up/dropping them off.
The whole situation was completely exhausting because I was very close to my Nan and going through the trauma of losing her, but I still did it all without complaint, and would again!

Your partner was an arse - your daughter is 16 years old and losing/lost her dad - that was not the time for him to start complaining of feeling like a taxi!! It was a time for him to just suck it up and be supportive.

I hope your daughter managed her goodbye and things were as peaceful as possible.

He's not a partner though he's the chauffeur / boyfriend. Who's clearly had enough.

How could you possibly even contemplate NOT dumping him immediately after this?!

That would be relationship ending for me, couldn’t share my life with anyone that inconsiderate.
sorry for children’s and your loss 💐

His behaviour was absolutely wrong, he shouldn't have said what he did, but this situation is completely your doing. You should not be reliant on him for lifts. If you need to get places you need to be responsible for this yourself. With taxis and public transport. It never should have got to the point he snapped as you your daughter should have known she could ring a taxi. Change your attitude and he will change his.

There is another thread about the worst men we have had discussions about on MN this year

I voted pelicot.

Your 'd'p has just topped the list.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS AWFUL PERSON.

Ffs. Grow up. Move on from him. He is racist kind of human being

Yes but it was not the time to make it.

Maybe the situation triggered him. Perhaps he’s got bad memories of someone close to him dying or perhaps the thought of death freeked him out.

He sounds like he has been great until this point. I am sorry for your family ´s loss.

So he's been used as a constant taxi service by multiple adults and he finally lost it when he was being demanded that he must take her NOW?

Obviously his timing was shit but he obviously snapped and I can't exactly say I blame him.

I don’t think I could ever get past that. There are certain times in life when you really need a partner to come through for you and when they don’t it shows you who they really are.

And the award for the most pointless post goes to...

My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

The highlighted bits are horrific.

THIS MAN WAS DYING. Honestly, if a remote acquaintance begged me for a lift to get to a hospital to see their dying father I'd probably take them.

These moments in life are rare but hugely hugely significant. Births, deaths, true emergencies. They are a test of us all. He has failed that test.

It's made worse by your daughter's age, the fact he drove her to tears AND then (knowing that this is likely to be the last time she sees her father so will be distraught) refused to drive you home.

The whys/wherefores of him being disgruntled about being a driver are irrelevant at this point because of the emotional weight of the moment.

This is a bad and nasty man and for me it would be the end of any relationship. How could you ever trust, rely on or care for someone like that?

He may well be fed up of driving everyone around but this was not the time to display his irritation. Your poor daughter, I hope she can get past this.

He's an absolute bastard, I'd be getting rid.

OP, this altercation with the vile man you call a partner is potentially going to cause your DD more harm than losing her dad. Can you possibly imagine how she feels knowing this man, who you brought into their lives, has such little respect and disregard for her on the day her dad was dying. Even more so, her mum will now not further protect her and will continue to be in a relationship?

If I were you I would be casting him aside and putting every ounce of myself into supporting my daughter and son.

Venting at that time is a bad idea. It might be a chore but that is not the time to rage about it. It's not for him to decide what might scar who for life. Your daughter's not 7, she's old enough to understand decisions and reality and death. I would want an apology off of him for DD anyway.

He chose a shitty time to make a stand nut he doesn’t live with you and you’re expecting him to act as a taxi for weeks on end. He kind of has a point.

Big drip feed re your dd being anxious about getting into a car with strangers-even if you were there too? I don’t see how she will get over him doing this, although he sounds fed up. It’s not really fair to have been relying on him to chauffeur her back and forth.

Maybe she couldn't afford a taxi? An hour taxi ride would not be cheap.
It didn't matter what his opinions on it were, it was the dd choice to say goodbye to her father. He made a horrible situation much more traumatic.
Classic victim blaming once again on MN.

So what are you going to do about it OP?

Get rid of him.
Good luck with your test next month.
Your son needs to drive. Not knowing how to drive at 25 is very limiting.

Absolutely unforgivable behaviour. Your dd was literally about to lose her dad and he used it as an opportunity to exert his power and make a point. He is a pathetic man child, probably jealous of a dying man and I don't see how you or your daughter will ever be able to look at him the same way again.

Last line of the OP

"I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW."