DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

The daughter is 16, not 25.

You sound horrendous.

The very saintly live among us. ...apparently.

I’d never see him again after this. I do appreciate that it may have been very stressful for DP and he may have felt taken for granted, but his inability to see the bigger picture or to show compassion for your DD is unforgivable.

However, there are taxis which in this case you could have just swallowed the cost of… and it’s well time one of you learned to drive (fully appreciate the time/cost issues/test availability issues - but its an essential life skill).

I think emotions were running high and he shouldn't have voiced is feelings.. but.. I sense he's pissed off at driving your kids around for you

What they said. ^ 👏

Relationships where one partner is so heavily reliant on the other for a basic thing like getting from A to B are very challenging IMO. He probably feels like an unpaid taxi rather than an adult equal. Hopefully you pass your test soon. Unless there is a medical reason to stop him, I would be encouraging your son to learn too. However that said, this was not the occasion for your partner to bring this up and he didn’t need to be such a dick at a time of trauma for your kids. Only you can decide if it’s something you can come back from.

This @Ifinkyourefreaky
Your posts sound like everything is going to settle down once you’ve passed your test and can drive him about to return the favour of giving lifts.

wait, what ??

Your partner has just behaved inexcusably badly. To your daughter. Who has extreme anxiety. On the day she lost her father. And would have stopped her saying goodbye to him, if he could. And he abandoned you 30 minutes away to make your own way home after witnessing the death of her dad. When he knows she has extreme anxiety getting into cars with strangers.

This is the man you want to make a life with? Really? Really?

I’m beginning to wonder if you have been subjected to emotional abuse yourself, because this man wouldn’t be acceptable to a woman who values herself and her daughter.

seriously, OP.
Think very hard now.

Yeah, bin him off.

It doesn’t matter how frustrated you are, that is a)
not the moment and b) in front of your DD is never the moment. His complaint is with you- not her.

He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.

Then you go with her in the taxi

I couldn’t marry a man who had been so cruel to my daughter for no reason on the worst day of her life.

There's no way I would ever be able to forgive this and I doubt your DD will either. Surely this has to be the end of the relationship?

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Ifinkyourefreaky and even more sorry for your DC. This man is a twat and you deserve better. Throw him back in the sea. You don't need him, or his shitty attitude!

I wouldn’t do it multiple times a day for 6 weeks, as it’s just not possible with work etc but I absolutely would drop everything to do it if they received the call that their dad was going to die any minute.

If this was a regular time, then I would be on DH’s side.
But he knew it was the final and most important time.

That's really disgusting.

I wouldn't want to see him ever again.
Just because he's an ex doesn't mean you can't still care for the father of your children and he should respect that. Not to mention your poor daughter!

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Ifinkyourefreaky and even more sorry for your DC. This man is a twat and you deserve better. Throw him back in the sea. You don't need him, or his shitty attitude!

If this was me, I would be driving you back about forth - no question, I'd bend over backwards to be there for you, especially at this difficult time.

It's not a question about who does and doesn't drive and why or why not - it's a question about doing the right, compassionate human thing.

OP you deserve better.

The daughter is 16.

Please read the OP’s posts properly before pulling in.

Sounds like he's felt like a taxi driver for your whole family for the last 7 years (given none of you drive), never mind just the last 6 weeks, and his frustrations probably spilled over.

However, this was absolutely NOT the time for him to express those feelings. It was extremely inappropriate, and it sounds like with everyone's heightened emotions, he mocked your DD in the process. That to me is the unforgivable part, and I'd be reassessing the relationship based on that alone.

So you don't have a job to be at?
Don't have kids that need dropping or collecting and minding?
Don't have any other care responsibilities?

Hospital transport will be over run with volunteers after Christmas!

Why is he constantly transporting a 25 year old around especially if she's not his own daughter?
My sympathies are with him.
FF's sake all of you learn to drive and stop being literal passengers. You'll then be able to drive yourselves to your own personal crises - and maybe YOU can help HIM out in the future.
If I were him I'D be leaving YOU not the other way round!

Yeah, I couldn't get past this.

Empathy for a child losing their dad isn't something that should be up for negotiation..

You 'D'P is not a nice person, and your children will never forgive him for this, and never forgive you if you keep this relationship going.

That is horrendous self centred controlling behaviour. Whatever his views on her being with her dad when he dies are irrelevant and he should have kept them to himself. She is 16 well able to decide this for herself how dare he make an incredibly distressing and traumatic time worse. I could not be with a man that treated my kids like this when they are at their most vulnerable.

Unforgivable. Please leave him.

I would absolutely end it with him over this and not even feel unsure about it.

I do think it’s pretty shocking that you’ve relied on him for lifts for the past 7 years though.
There’s no reason why you couldn’t have been doing your lessons way before now.

It is lucky that he was there so it was even possible for your kids to see their dad even once, so I would thank him for that.

And it’s ok if he has an opinion on not seeing someone die, as many people are scarred for life over seeing their loved one die.

However, he should have listened to the adult SD and taken her regardless and definitely shouldn’t have gotten in a mood with her.
This is something none of you will ever forget and you have no choice but to end it as you will always resent him for it.