DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

No shit, Sherlock 🙄

Well he's handled it all wrong but from your message it sounds like he was trying to protect her from something he thought might be bad for her (watching someone die) and got shut down by everyone and made to do it and got shouted at. I think it's your daughter's choice in the end but he technically had no obligation to do the driving - he's doing you all a favour.

That being said, most humans would show a lot more empathy in the moment and understand why it escalated and would absolutely not have picked that moment to let the frustration out and make things harder. I don't know if I could forgive that.

I mean, that's a ridiculous comment. This man is not worse than Pelicot. Get a huge grip.

I'm so sorry for your daughter and so sorry for you, OP. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive that.

OP is drip feeding. Massively so.

How many other times has her DP had to ferry her/kids around at the drop of a hat and it go unappreciated? I bet its a frequent occurrence and its clear he had had enough.

As others say, he may have snapped at feeling like a taxi service.

Sure, the timing is bad, but he STILL took the OP/DD to the hospital. So is he a big a cunt as people are making out?

I dont think so. If he was, he would have stood firm an NOT taken them, but he did.

Its clear he has snapped, the timing is coincidental with the dying ex-partner. But it could have been any event really, like sports day or something notable.

I feel sorry for the guy - he has no link to the dying ex-partner, so in fairness, why should he have to have anything to do with him on any level - they arent mates/brothers/close confidants.

If the OP knew her ex was in a bad way, she should have made contingency plans really.

Last week I had a panicked call from my aunt to say she thought my uncle was dying, I was just about to dish up dinner but I drove my dad to hospital over an hour away because that's what you do.

I couldn't forgive in your situation and don't show your DD that this acceptable in a relationship, it's not!!

There are lots of reasons why people don’t drive. Don’t seek to blame the OP.

“It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.”

Flip. Leave him. That is an absolutely outstanding lack of empathy, and downright cruel.

At 14 I said good to a dying immediate family member. That scene is etched upon my memory but I’m so flipping glad I was allowed to say goodbye.

Why would you ever consider staying with someone who treats you and your DD like that?
I would never be able to forgive him because refusing and then bellyaching about himself all the way there is unforgivable.

If you stay with this utter cunt then I highly doubt your DD will forgive you. Ever.
Put your DD first over this cunt.

And anyone here who thinks this prick has a point just fuck off!

There is one thing I agree with him on. She should not see her dad die. I was an adult when my dad was dying and I never left his side at the hospital, I lived in the hospital for a month in his room (private). When they told me he was about to die, I left the room and stayed in the relatives' room for 12 hours and never saw him dead, I did not return to his room. I am so grateful I never saw my dad dying or dead. But each to their own. I totally understand she wanted to say good-bye. I could not. And it was not his business to refuse a lift in the time of such need.

Exactly

"Im doing my test and hopefully can return the favour". So youre not absolutely sickened by his action, you dont plan to leave? Realise, If you do stay with this man, then it's not love. It's transactional.

If you stay with this man, your child will never forgive him, their relationship is broken forever, and as a result of that, if you stay with this man, your child will see that you have sided with the man that caused her hurt and heartache at a most awful time, your result will be she may turn on you to because you stayed with him.

And aside, you could have got a taxi, got a lift from someone else, anything to not put your child in a car with an angry man who already felt like a taxi driver. You weren't innocent in this, be a better advocate for your children, make better decisions.

He picked the wrong time and wrong way to have this fight so for that he's a cunt. But he is right to be upset about being used as a taxi.

i agree it was probably an emotional time for all

Don’t be ridiculous.
You think he will be asked to drive her to the funeral after this fiasco?

You lack common decency. WOW your just incredibly cruel to people who are already down.

Just what I was thinking.

You’re actually just going to sweep this under the carpet and carry on regardless?!

Wake up OP and put your daughter first. I’m betting this isn’t the only time he’s been a twat!

did she manage to say goodbye op?

You lack a lot of compassion and empathy. I feel sorry for you.

Sorry I missed this.

But she literally does need him. He will be expected to drive OP to the funeral unless she is travelling in the official family car.

I don't think you should get married. You don't want to end up more dependent on him as it sounds like he wants someone independent

Does he have some trauma around death of a parent/loved one? Was he ever jealous of the relationship between your daughter and her dad at any point, up to his death?

I'm trying to think of a reason he'd transport you for 6 weeks, then choose this moment to be a fuckwit.

At least you don't live together, so didn't have to come home amd deal with him being there after that ☹️.

You've been with your DP for 7 years..

Has he ever treated your DD well?

YANBU but you know that.

The question is - at which point in your life will he callously let you down again?

You and your children are worth more than this ‘man’. LTB

is your daughter getting help for her anxiety?

And good luck with your driving test.

If you marry him, your daughter will hate you.