DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

💯👏

What an awful man. Bin him, for your daughters sake more than anything. I’d never be able to forgive someone for this, from both your daughters perspective and yours .

So you are staying with the dick
Some people it’s pointless talking too

Why re you here op ? The first and message that agrees with your partner you reply too
And you are clearly staying with the man .

her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl

I couldn’t get past that. Did you know he was a super cunt when you agree to marry him (noting you said you are engaged). You need to think carefully here as this could well ruin your relationship with your daughter. I couldn’t forgive a parent who married someone who said and did that.

it wasn’t his place to make a judgement on whether or not your daughter should see her father to say goodbye.
power move
However
You could imagine his conflicted feelings about driving you, jealous, doubtful, insecure, feeling put upon, used, taken for granted? and possibly? wondering why
you need to be there ?
more so as he doesn’t live with you, called upon to provide chauffering services
when required - your daughter’s goodbye to her dying father could have been more sensitively handled by you, where is your son in this, or other close family member/s
not that it matters now

Hang on.

if this man knows the trauma of witnessing a death and knows how anxious his 16 year old step-daughter is about being in cars with strangers then WHY would he abandon them to make their own way home immediately after she has that experience?

That a whole new level of cruelty and vindictiveness. LTB.

My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life

Fair enough but it's not his call to make , your DD can make her own mind up on these matters ,

What a horrible man

Total twat. OP, your poor daughter. And you. I know he's your ex but it will obviously kick off some feelings all the same. I'm so sorry for your loss.

For those harping on about him being the only driver. My dad was the only driver in my house for decades. He would not have behaved like this thundercunt. Give your heads a wobble to the people going on about it.

Well I'm not calling the OPs DP a cunt without a stronger reason than the OP has drip fed so far.

Especially the bit about him being traumatised around a previous death.

Or is it because he's a male and doesnt get the same consideration?

And you missed the part where despite everything he STILL TOOK them to the hospital.

You say he’s been traumatised by watching a relative die
sounds like that could be the route cause of the problem today he wouldn’t want to be any part of this today

This. What a cunt

Well maybe if the OP is being sooooo HARD on the poor iccle man, (as several posters have hilariously suggested) she should do him a favour and dump his ass. He doesn't sound very invested in her and her children anyway. He sounds like a self-serving, arrogant, tedious, selfish arse!

Do yourself (and your children) a favour @Ifinkyourefreaky Bin this loser.

I have to agree, although I'm not speaking from experience as you are.

My friend's 16yo DD watched her grandfather die (at home), having spent all of every weekend at the grandparents' home with her mum as his illness progressed over months.

My friend thought it would be a good thing for DD to be there with her grandad in his last weeks, days and hours but it absolutely traumatised the poor girl and her mental health has been shot to pieces by it.

She's now 18 and still struggling immensely, with therapists and psychologists being absolutely adamant that it was the trauma she was put through that triggered the issues.

My friend's husband (the girl's dad) argued vehemently that their DD shouldn't be spending so much time there towards the end and it has definitely soured their relationship now seeing how badly affected their DD is.

Wrong timing and completely insensitive. Your DD will never forgive him.
However, he has been treated like a taxi by the sounds of it and I'd be pissed off ferrying everyone around too. There is probably too much resentment on all sides for this relationship to continue.

First reply nails it, what an awful man.

If he threw a strop about driving and being dictated to by a “little girl” to protect her from a terrible experience then WHY did he drop them off to make their own way home (a thirty minute drive away) after her father had died?

Exactly! This man cares only for himself. He was probably upset the attention was on the dying man. Disgusting.

I'm not defending his behaviour in the slightest and I think he's acted appallingly, but the fact that you don't drive shouldn't make you reliant on him. I can understand him being annoyed, in all honesty.

Please do not continue any relationship with this man. I am staggered at his reaction, regardless of what he went through with a relatve's death.

No engagement and definitely no marriage. Please.

His mask slipped in a crisis. Ignore this at your peril.

That would be the end for me OP. He's shown you who he is. Your poor DC.

Well you sound lovely.

I feel sorry for the guy - he has no link to the dying ex-partner, so in fairness, why should he have to have anything to do with him on any level - they arent mates/brothers/close confidants.

because I would hope he cared for his SD (to be) and that would extend to knowing when something was important to her doing what he can to not only make it happen but do with care and compassion

My DP of 7years

My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye'

he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.

He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

yes he has been traumatised by watching a relative die many years ago.

@Ifinkyourefreaky
So I just went thourgh the entire discussion and copied the parts I think are critical, I feel people are piling a little too hard on him, but just a liiiitle bit.

Let me be generous and try see things from his side, you two are together for 7 years, don't live together, I assume he gets no saying on how your children are raised, maybe he feels he's not really that important, after all one could argue he's not really part of the family, just someone you keep on the side

Now, he has being taking you to the hospital for 6 weeks, is that really the only way he has helped your family even though he seemingly isn't part of the family?

I'm asking because honestly, either there's more to this and those 6 weeks are just the last straw that breaks the camel back, or he's pretty immature and unreliable, like, yeah 6 weeks doing that would be annoying as fuck, but the situation is a pretty big deal.

I would argue his feelings might not be necessarely invalid if not three points

My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye'

He gave his opinion which is fine, but he was too insensitive as he should have told you in private instead in front of DD

he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.

He fucked up and made the situation about himself, she's not dictating him, she's calling him out on being insensitive

He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

He begrudgingly helped you and then left you alone in what is one of the worst moments in your children life.

Even if his feelings are valid, feel threated that your children will never see him as family, that he's not important enough in your life, whatever argument one can make on his side, that simply wasn't the moment to bring them.

He basically made a horrible situation worse by lashing out, probably not on purpose, hopefully, but when it comes to your children that bridge might be burned forever.

I do feel the relationship might be salvageable, but you'll have to sit with your children to see how they feel about him now, and sit with him to have a long talk on how he feels about you two and why he lashed out.

But I feel there's high chances the relationship is doomed cause your children might just not forgive him.

Almost anyone would help someone to meet their dying parent, fact that he lashed out at the worst time possible only tells me either there's a loooot more behind this situation or perhaphs he's not mature enough to understand it was time for him to shut up and help as much as he could, later you two would talk about the relationship and how you all made him feel.

I mean, really, either you're not telling us something or he's not the man you thought he was, there's not exactly a lot of conclusions we can take.

@Ifinkyourefreaky how much involvement with your DC so far (apart from the last few weeks)?

Will your DS be moving in with you now?

Well, you know now what will happen if you ever seriously need him again in extremis don't you?

I would never forgive this - never be able to forgive this. He did well driving her up until the end, but my goodness he fucked it up royally then.

I wonder if his 'worry' about her seeing her dying father was about his own distress rather than hers. But for him to leave her crying and desperate when it comes to her father dying - No. Just No. This is the time for someone in his position to make sure the practicalities run smoothly, not to make a scene and make things more difficult for a child losing her father to death.

She will never forget this. Neither will you.

On another note, goodness me, so many people not reading that you already have a driving test booked!