DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

'Now' being quite crucial when someone is about to die.

Crikey some people have no heart...

So you think it's perfectly acceptable for a grown man to belittle a distressed teen for wanting to get to the hospital to see her dying dad one last time, to rant in the car all the way there despite being asked not to, then to ditch them there in a strop to make their own way back just because he's fed up of having to drive?

Fuck me. Raise your standards.

Millions of reasons, I know very few people who drive mostly due to cost (many household cannot afford a car let alone two).

I didn't drive for years as I struggled to find an instructor that wasn't an ass to disabled people.

He did not have a point. There was a family crisis and a child was losing her dad. Her dad had hours to live, if that, and the DP chooses THAT MOMENT to create an argument and be nasty to the child whose world is being shattered as they spoke? Oh my god, I could never look at him again. Never.

Sorry you are all going through this. I don’t think I could ever speak to him ever again after treating my children this way. He’s just proven how little compassion he has and given you an insight into how he can be when times are tough and you need his support. Because you don’t live together you don’t have to see him again so if I was in your situation I’d just end it and move on with your children. If you do decide to stay with him I feel you won’t ever forget how awful he has been at a time of need, no matter how hard you try and the relationship is tainted now. Take care OP X

Right so that changes things somewhat. He has been chauffeur for you all and he also was reacting to an event that traumatised him and didn't want your DD to be the same.
I think you're in a stressful situation and he's stressed too and you're overly reliant on him just to ferry you all around. Everyone is being unreasonable but it's understandable

@Ifinkyourefreaky Has he messaged you at all since to a) see how you are (esp. DD) and b) say sorry?

He took them - that was the crux, to be there at the DDs dying fathers final hour.

The OP's continual drip feed along with the fact her current DP is sick of being a taxi service at the drop of the hat is probably precisely why he told them to make their own way back.

But yeh why let facts get in the way eh? 🙄🤦‍♂️

When the anger dies you need to talk calmly together. There are probably feelings and emotions tangled here..your husbands step daughter, his step son,his wife’s previous partner. He chose a terrible time to express his feelings.i think people who advise people to leave their partners too easily are unwise.

If my OH intervenes when I am supporting my DD when her father deteriorates and she needs my help it will be last thing he ever does in our relationship!

What a total knob!

I agree with this. I would have sorted a taxi or some temporary accommodation closer to the hospital and made sure my kids never had to see this cruel and childish man again. You need to protect your children from this.

He left them to make their own way home, immediately after the trauma of witnessing the death.

That’s punishment. Not care.

There isn't really any coming back from this OP - or is there? I mean thank god you don't live with him, but "engaged"? Maybe put your daughter first? Surely you're not going to sit down and play happy families with him over the turkey. What a waste of space.

He made your daughter’s last visit with her dad all about him. He sounds very emotionally immature and selfish. I couldn’t be in a relationship with a man like him.

i do think you need to be more independent though. I am glad you are learning to drive.

consider the example this sets your daughter - is it acceptable to be in a relationship like this? Are you okay with your child being treated like this on the worst day of her life? Is it okay for someone to be this selfish and still be part of your life?

Just so you know, my step dad drove me to see my dad when he died. He comforted me the entire time, took over the adult responsibilities (I was 16 too, mum was comforting me) and prayed with me for him. This man doesn't deserve to be in your daughter's life. It's not about the lift, it's about the way he acted while doing it. That's unforgivable

Most normal people would give lifts to their step children to see their dying dad because they care about said children and are decent people with emotional intelligence.

What he did was unforgivable,he made the most awful situation so much worse,your poor daughter was already traumatised by what's going on and will never forget what her so called step father did to her just before she lost her dad.

I think you need to end your relationship with this cretinous creature.

The part that baffles me is that your subsequent posts are worded to suggest you have no intention of getting rid of this man, despite him seeing a young woman (your daughter) distraught at missing the passing of her father and thinking it appropriate to speak to her and you like that.

The man was dying, the lifts were always going to be temporary, sounds like a complete dickhead.

Where will these posters be in the new year when OP has dumped what was probably a perfectly good man. Nowhere

This cannot be real! I would do everything in my power to get a neighbour to the hospital in this situation. Arguing about doing so for my fiancé’s daughter would not cross my mind. It’s not an everyday event ffs.

This is not a ‘perfectly good man’.

This sounds incredibly difficult and I can see both points of view. He has experienced the trauma of watching a relative die and has tried to express caution - I did this in my 30s and it was awful so cannot imagine how it would affect a teen with existing anxieties.

If he has been taking your daughter for 6 weeks a 1 hour round trip (has he waited at the hospital for her too?) I don't think he sounds a terrible person more just some1 who hasn't communicated his feelings in a sensitive way. It sounds as if its been a time of extreme stress for you I would tell your partner you need some space to support your children if he has a tantrum about that it will tell you everything you need to know

I have been in a similar situation and, honestly, I found it to be unforgiveable.

That's unforgivable.

He left you all there, said make your own way home⁉️ I'm disgusted. I'd have told him to pack and be gone by the time we get home. You poor love and yes, your daughter and son do have the right to say goodbye to their dying father. I feel for you all xx