DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

Just at the moment I'm reliant on him.

I'd be getting a taxi or uber

This was totally unnecessary behaviour, and will be far more traumatic for your dd than it needed.

To behave so inconsiderably is very nasty behaviour, is there a reason behind this?

You can't seriously be considering staying with him? Your poor daughter!

Hi OP! Losing a father (at any time of yer but particularly around Christmas) is a tragic and life altering event and your daughter needs care, love and support. In your partner complaining and refusing to drive your daughter to say goodbye to her father, do you really think your partner provided any of that in that moment? Has he supported you or your family in other ways during this difficult time? Does he even listen or ask what else he can do to help? I suspect not to the extent you would like. I understand that this may be slightly inconvenient for him (I am being very polite here, I would use harsher words in real life) but this was a time that he could have really stepped up to show how supportive a partner he could be to you and your family during difficult and highly emotional circumstances and he has failed. I get he has given a number of lifts but it seems to have been done so with a lot of resentment and it will be worth thinking about what kind of partner he will be in the long run and if that is what you want.

As an aside - I remember my (emotionally/verbally abusive) dad doing something similar and the extra anxiety over how unwilling he was to drive coupled with having to rely on him at the time, still stays with me. I would have loved if someone stood up for me then.

FYI, my original comment wasn't aimed at OP. It was at another poster.

I’ll thank you not to be putting words into my narrative that I have not and will not use to describe anyone, not that I am given to swearing, invective or hyperbole

What an absolute cunt. That would be it for me, I simply wouldn’t accept someone being such an abjectly heartless bastard.

From what you have said, your partner clearly has issues surrounding seeing someone at the end of life and expressed that at the most inappropriate time.
Unfortunately I think he's made one of the hardest moments of your daughters life, even harder. I'm not sure she will ever truly forgive him for that.
Has he apologised or addressed it at all?

I think you need to consider whether to stay with him or not. Will your children be able to forgive his outburst, or will they hold it against him? Will they hold it against you if you stay with someone who can treat your daughter that way when she really just needed help?
Can you forgive him for causing more pain?

So you realise you are in another abusive relationship?

Please google the Freedom Programme, and do it. Protect your DC.

Have you read the OPs posts at all?

What a horrible man

This. Even if this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, he should have waited to speak to you about it. But I also think in future maybe you should learn to drive.

Blimey

Having read though all your posts I think yes he has handled it badly but maybe he thought you were doing this as a team and then when he's expressed he doesn't think it's a good idea for her to go and see her dad dying he's been yelled at and basically told to just do it. Like his opinion counts for shit all. He's actually sounding like he wants the best for your DD and thought that was not seeing her dad die/dead. Even though ultimately it's your choice it does actually sound like he's feeling he wasn't heard and then just gave in and drove you anyway. He probably feels quite used and like an uninvolved part of the family.

This!

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Your poor daughter being treated like that and still being expected to have this man in her life. Put your child first and end this relationship. He is callous, cruel, spiteful and abusive to your grieving child and you intend to fucking marry him? Raise your standards and have some self respect for the love of Christ!

It's a 30 minute drive. So, one hour round trip.

He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

He's still a cunt.

Get rid of him.

Often in times of great stress peoples true nature comes to the fore. Unfortunately he has proved to be a nasty piece of work. The situation, which sounds horrific wasn't about him, yet he tried to make it about him, his feelings of being put upon. A partner is someone who has your back in a crisis. He had no ones back. Therefore he's no ones partner. I would sever all contact with him. Your daughter will never ever forgive him and you face loads of tension if you stay with him.

yes, this is a reasonable comment, my take on it Ive described upstream,
that ‘fiance’ had reached saturation point, for possibly many and complex reasons,
as someone else said, the timing was not ideal, but then came the drip feed

tnere are many many kneejerk comments on here hanging the Fiance, lambasting other posters, as often happens, without following the thread properly, but yours is kindly meant @C152 and I thank you for this

After 7 years of being a taxi driver and 6 weeks of driving you to see an ex it would be understandable if he was fed up. Clearly he also has some trauma from a past death. It certainly was not the time to bring it up and refusing to pick you up afterwards is the part I'd find inexcusable.

I'd be talking to him about his past trauma before deciding whether to end the relationship. I cant imagine what he could say that wouldnt mean it was over.

I'm sorry for the loss OP. A very emotional day for you and your DD, even though he was your ex.

The time for your BF to voice his concerns about being used as a chauffeur was not yesterday. He should have raised it quietly with you at another time, when your DD was out of earshot, so that you could discuss it calmly. Yes, he did put himself out quite a bit over the six weeks by the sound of it, but shouldn't he want to do this if he valued you and your DD? This was a perfect opportunity to bond with DD as a future step parent, but instead, with this behaviour, he has showed his true colours. His comment was so, so inappropriate about being dictated to.

Please think very carefully before you marry this man. Sounds as though you haven't even lived together yet. I would be expecting a calm conversation where he apologised to DD and you for his behaviour, and where you too could apologise for making him feel like a taxi service. If he's not open to talking about this in a calm and considered way then it would be game over for me. Actually, it would likely be over anyway, as I'm not sure I could get over him having a tantrum and the comments he made.

He was fed up? A young girls father was dying and he didn't have it in him to give her lift without creating an argument. If anyone, let alone the young child of my partner of 7 years, needed to see their parent as they lay dying I would do it without hesitation.

This man needs to be gone from their lives

Wow the privilege of middle class mumsnet where the answer is just learn to drive.

A people that dense they don't realize MILLIONS of people can barely afford to survive with covering basic necessary bills never mind the luxury of DRIVING which is very expensive.

Just to get a car on the road cost me £34 provisional, £900 for 24 lessons, £23 in theory, £62 in test fees x2, £600 for a 15 year old car, £550 for insurance, £50 for MOT and £150 for maintenance, £250 tax thats nearly £2,700 before I even put petrol in the thing to go anywhere. That was before the post Covid inflation prices too and I'm lucky to be an extremely low risk insurance category. Many of those costs are ongoing too maintenance was a killer.

@Ifinkyourefreaky that is really evil!! could your daughter not have got a taxi?? she really needed to be there!

I lost my dad at a similar age after a terminal diagnosis of only a few weeks. I didn’t get to say goodbye either. My parents were divorced but my mum still supported me and drove me to hospital (not the reason I didn’t get to see him before he died).

Honestly, this is unforgivable behaviour. If you don’t get rid of his selfish manchild you will lose your children forever after this.