DH eating DMIL's leftovers.

Thinking about the amount of MNetters who say they find it hard to lose weight, because they feed their kids an earlier dinner and tend to eat the scraps off their plates.

I don't remember any cries of 'disgusting' etc, yet kids tend to be more germ and snot ridden than your average MIL 🤭

And his strange behaviour would make me puke - even him not breaking a conversation with his DM to address another matter would get on my wick.

Why would you cut someone off mid-conversation to go off to do something else? It’s rude.

And wanting to dictate where your MiL sits is controlling and weird.

There you have it! I am assuming you do not like your MIL.

The plate licking is weird, but most of the rest of it sounds like he’s trying to ge welcoming.

DH needs to sit with her to chat while you’re cooking.

If you have a guest room with a proper bed, make the guest room nicer rather than moving out of yours- that’ll take away one source of conflict .

Plate clearing is beyond grim.

“When I cook, I always serve him first, shouldn't he do the same?“

No. correct etiquette is serve female guests first, then male guests, then female house members then male house members, and always serve yourself last.

The eating her leftovers as you have described turns my stomach.

Serving your guests first and checking their preferences is perfectly normal. As, generally, is not interrupting them.

I've afraid you do sound extremely petty, as well as rude and controlling: of course guests are served first, and no, you don't get to tell them where they're allowed to sit!

The eating the food off her plate is fucking weird as anything 🤢

I'd have shown her to her seat and explained it's so she gets a lovely view of the garden. DH didn't and said that's where she chose so he let her.

And you say your MIL is controlling. Get a grip, OP!

Disgusting, I mean eating off other people's plates, no matter, mum or what. Disgusting. As for serving her first? My dh always serves my mum first, then me, then dc. Special bond between them? Nothing you can do about it, I am afraid. Difficult one. Would be interested to see what others say.

This

And his strange behaviour would make me puke - even him not breaking a conversation with his DM to address another matter would get on my wick.

That's not Mothers Love it's SMOTHER LOVE!

You sound ridiculously controlling. Why are you asking him to “do jobs for you” when he’s in the middle of a conversation? Why do you care who’s served first at dinner? Why does someone have to sit in your special designated seat, complete with explanation of why you have chosen that seat (and therefore why they must not move from said position)?

I said, if a postman was at the door, he would have stopped her to answer the door, so why not do the same for me, as it would have taken him 2 minutes before he could go back to chatting.

This is a completely disingenuous comparison. If the postman is knocking the door, it means you either have to answer or risk missing your delivery - something quite important at a time of year such as, ooh, let me think… Christmas? You and your “job for him” would both have still been there at the end of the conversation. So it would have taken him two minutes - surely it could have waited two minutes too? I’m guessing you weren’t on fire and needing him to fetch a bucket of water.

It all smacks of “What about meeee? I’m here too, pay ME attention, me me ME!!!!”

She is controlling ( as my oen DM is)

You're literally dictating where someone gets to sit and calling other people controlling?

This is beyond bizarre. You think your DH is out of order for allowing an adult to sit where they want to sit rather than where you have decided they should sit. You want her to sit somewhere where she can't see or interact with you and just gets to gaze out over the garden. She chose to sit somewhere where she can interract with the people she came to visit.

This is you being a problem. A really weird controlling problem.

It is very clear you don’t like her! It sounds like you want your DH to serve you before her and interrupt her to talk to you, to put her in her place!

Interesting that you haven't clarified re. plate licking.

And as for dictating where someone sits - that's just bonkers behaviour. Unless another guest needs a certain seat for a certain reason, let people choose! You can't demand she sits in a certain place because you'd prefer it that way

That's just called having guests and making conversation!

Eating her leftovers in the manner you describe is gross but I suppose it does save on scraping into the food waste bin.

The rest of it is you being petty, bitter and jealous.

It's interesting how the OP describes her MIL and her own mother as 'controlling', yet this poor woman isn't allowed to choose her own chair.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

OP you are the controlling one here.

You want your DH to be serving you first and to put you above his own mum.

She should absolutely be coming first.
Not only is she his mum, she is also the guest.

That’s just basic manners and he loves his mum and wants to spend as much time with her whilst she’s there.

Another example is we'd agreed where she'd sit in the livingroom, which opens onto the kitchen. Her seat was so she had a lovely view of the garden* with the kitchen kinda out of sight.* DH her at the seat facing the kitchen, which meant she'd talk across the room when someone is in there cooking. As it's not close enough, you'd have to stop doing whatever, come closer, then back and forth. I'd have shown her to her seat and explained it's so she gets a lovely view of the garden. DH didn't and said that's where she chose so he let her.

This is insane, OP. Like, off-the-charts level controlling. WTF?!

Can you answer the questions about the plate licking please OP?

Why did it change from finishing her food and using her fork, to suddenly licking her plate when it got to the voting?

Does he actually lick her plate or not?

Eating from her plate, disgusting. Serving her first, fine.

Hang on. Your chosen seat was out of the way of the kitchen, where all the activity is at Christmas? You expected her to sit in the living room looking out at the garden while you ignored her and got on with the cooking? That's so fucking rude.