DH eating DMIL's leftovers.

Giving up your room is weird when there is a spare.
The licking the plate is beyond gross.
Yuk, really yuk.

Don't respond to the questions in the kitchen if she prefers not to sit in the chair that makes it doable.

A lot of this is normal dynamics but the plate licking is stomach churning.

It sounds like he’s treating her politely like a guest. I’d always serve up guests first and listen to them.

The food thing is a bit weird, but it’s something I’d do with my kids, so I guess it’s not weirder the other way around.

I’ve got one that will give you the ick though. My mum has a gross partner (gross for unrelated reasons). If we had a family meal together, instead of going to get seconds, he will go around the table and ask people if they are going to eat that bit of chicken or that piece of broccoli on their plates. If not, he’ll collect it all on his plate for round 2. 🤢 It gives me the heeby jeebies. It’s so gross.

This made me laugh!
If I know I can't eat all that son {an adult} had dished up on my plate , {eg, a pizza} he says ''leave what you can't eat, and I'll finish it''....so BEFORE I start eating, I divide a piece and put it to one side of my plate.

It does read like you’re actually jealous of the attention he gives his mother op. And that’s just odd. Either you’ve issues surrounding jealousy or your marriage has real issues in it, and you’re thinking why doesn’t he treat me as well as that.

i don’t beleive for a moment he’s licking her plate. And I can’t think what’s wrong with you you’d write that.

Licking/scraping crumbs and gravy off another person's plate to eat is absolutely disgusting.

If it's true that is.

Strangely the 'plate licking' didn't rear its head until the OP was manipulating the votes.

We always gave my parents our bed and slept on an air bed. Not once did my husband complain in over a decade beyond mildly remarking how nice it was to sleep in a proper bed when they’d gone home. He wouldn’t have lasted long with me if he’d taken your attitude.

Surely that depends on her age?

My 93 year old dad for example wouldn't be able to sleep in a Z bed.

It just takes a little thought.

Licking/scraping crumbs and gravy off another person's plate to eat is absolutely disgusting. Why would you do that? Surely you just scrape it into the bin?
It doesn't even sound like an act of love. Just gross and weird. He's clearly bizarre.
I don't think I could cope with a man like that.

I actually don't have a problem with this. But for us, in culture and religion, your mother is very important and is head of the family. We respect each other's mothers. We obviously don't put up with any stupid behaviour and anything we do doesn't result in hurting our other half's feelings. But serving your mother first, listening to her respectfully is a good thing! Your mother isn't in your life forever.

You say DMIL is controlling. So maybe he is just keeping the peace when she is around!

Sounds like they have a very close relationship and none of that I would worry me. It's nice he is considerate of his mum.

This, serving your husband first grosses me out, it's not the 1930s any more. I serve my kids first, then myself and my husband last.

This

@Treesandsheepeverywhere so he puts her first to the extent that you get punted out of your bedroom???? that would be a big NO from me! that aint happening! she can have a guest z bed or a sofa bed!! any smaller room would be cramped with two people in it but not with one!! not giving up my room for anyone! as for the food, does he look hungry that he needs to eat leftover off his mothers plate?? disgusting!

And what would OP have done if, had she been able to introduce MIL to her seat as planned and explain its lovely view of the garden, MIL had said, “Oh thanks, but I’ll sit here by the kitchen - easier to join the conversation”?

Excellent reference

She's there to see you and her son, not gaze at the garden. What were you expecting her to watch, herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the lawn?

Isn’t it? I can’t imagine deciding in advance where someone is going to sit. I thought everyone knew guests get served first. You just don’t like her @Treesandsheepeverywhere.

Op are you jealous of her??

The plate thing is gross.

The other bits are quite sweet. Nice to really look after and treat a guest.

I agree with a pp, you went from him using her fork and finishing her scraps, to him licking her plate!!! Which one is it?

Regardless, you sound incredibly petty and hard work. I think you'd drive me crazy!

The whole designated seat thing is really weird op.

I honestly think you are just annoyed by having a houseguest for so long so you're nitpicking. I love my mum but after about 4 days her little habits annoy me too. Also it's almost christmas so a lot of people are stressed
Maybe just have a little less contact on your side and your husband can maybe visit her more at home.

Yes, it does sound petty.

You seem to have etiquette completely backwards and put yourself front and centre.

Whatever you feel about your MIL, when she’s at your home, she’s a guest. You serve guests first. It’s basic manners op 🙄

Not only that, she’s his mother. The woman who birthed and raised him, however much of a “challenge” you claim he finds her, she’s still his mum, she’s still a guest, and he clearly loves her.

Eating scraps of her plate is revolting.

Serving a guest first or listening to them is being polite.

It's because it's a MIL, of course!

If it was the DH criticising OP for eating off her mum's plate, everyone would be saying he needs to mind his own business, or clear the plates himself if he's so bothered