DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

Yes - OP says she gave her money on top of her usual pocket money to spend on Christmas gifts.

I don't agree. The girl spent ages choosing presents for friends and family but gave her mother a household ornament that's been lying around for years. Sorry, but in anyone's book that's thoughtless and hurtful - and quite frankly not a good lesson in life for the daughter going forward. Sometimes you should show other people signs of appreciation. What's so wrong with that? Society would be a very self absorbed and hedonistic place otherwise (even worse than it already is)!

It's not just re-gifting though, is it? It's giving her mum random shit from around the house and pocketing the money that was given to her to buy a gift. That's really shit behaviour and I'm genuinely surprised that so many people think it's an acceptable way for a 13 year old to behave.

She's a teenager - in secondary school - she is more than capable of buying a nice present for her mum. The fact that she chose not to bother is incredibly uncaring.

Then it would have been better for her to say so. Of course expectations aren't too high, OP says she is nearly 14 for heaven's sake, not 4. She has had presents all her life - she knows what they are.

Was she given money ? The op never said that, she said she set a budget.

It's really not unreasonable to think that a 14 year old should know that re-gifting your mum random shit from around the house and pocketing the money is absolutely unacceptable.

I agree that it's not a child's job to provide validation or fulfilment, but it's perfectly okay to expect them to put some basic thought and care into a gift for their mother, regardless of whether they were raised single-handedly or not!

I was on the fence too but after the update I also agree.

Of course your 13 year old child cares about you (assuming you’re usually a good parent). Why would anyone assume that regifting something means that your child suddenly hates you and doesn’t care. They are a CHILD.

I am truly baffled this became a thing you needed to talk to your child over and have guilted her into taking you to the bloody cinema.

But I suppose at nearly 14 years old and knowing I have raised and supported her almost singlehanded I would expect her to think that I deserve a bit more thought than this.

Do you really honestly expect your child to be sat around thinking these things? Because that's a huge unreasonable expectation, no wonder you've taken it so personally.

You can't expect emotional fulfilment/validation from your children, that's not their job.

She's 13. I'd just explain to her why if you're regifting, you need to be a bit more subtle. Although I've always used "regifting" to mean giving away a present someone has given to you to someone else, rather than this, which I'm not sure has a name but is definitely a bit rude. If you have a DP I think he needs to take some of the flack for this. He should have given her some guidance.

I think you were right to call her out, OP. The gift showed a lack of thought and care. Although that's common in teenagers, it doesn't mean that you just accept it quietly. You raised the issue gently, and you accepted her solution.

It's not really about being "owed" anything though - it's about the fact that at 13, she should bloody well know better than to behave the way she did.

She was given money to buy Christmas and birthday presents and just decided not to bother - instead, she gifted her mum random shit from round the house and kept the money for herself. That's really poor behaviour.

OP is right - she does deserve more thought. Anyone deserves more thought than that. I'm genuinely surprised that so many people think that being re-gifted random stuff like this is okay

I suspect setting a budget is the op telling her how much of her pocket money she needs to spend on her, not she gave her extra.

That is very bizarre. I'd tell her she needs to give back the present money. Presumably she spent it on something else the cheeky git.

But I suppose at nearly 14 years old and knowing I have raised and supported her almost singlehanded I would expect her to think that I deserve a bit more thought than this

this is unacceptable. You weren’t doing her a favour. You chose to have her, you chose to procreate with some waste of space. She doesn’t owe you.

But I suppose at nearly 14 years old and knowing I have raised and supported her almost singlehanded I would expect her to think that I deserve a bit more thought than this.

I don't know. It's not her fault her father's been crap and you've raised her on her own. I tend to see thinking like this as being at the top of a slippery slope of believing you're 'owed' something in proportion to your actual or perceived sacrifices. As someone with first-hand experience of being on the very sharp end of an extreme version of this (won't go into details), I find that corrosive thinking and probably better nipped in the bud.

I'd be hurt too. To wrap up a household ornament that's been on a shelf in plain sight for years is decidedly odd and pretty sad too. She's 13 not 5. I know presents don't equate to love but personally I'd rather just have a card in this instance as this was actually saying you are an after thought and you don't matter at all.

But then it makes me think, that perhaps she has spent the money on a nice gift for Xmas and she’s forgotten about OPs birthday, which is so easy to do around Xmas time! never mind for 13 yr old.

The expectations are too high on this child

As someone who tends to think of herself as a bit of a woke snowflake, I have enjoyed some of the wilder reactions to OP's perfectly reasonable parenting immensely

Apologies

I did similar at OP’s DD’s age. Overspent on friends’ Christmas presents and only had enough left to buy my mum a box of Matchmakers (this was in the 70s). She was disgusted and told me so.

Crikey reading some if these comments explains why there are soo many self entitled young adults!
Good for you OP for raising this with your 13 year old.She is definitely old enough to know better and I hope she treats you to the cinema tonight.

In my house that would have been met with laughter, as in “ haha, very funny, where’s my real present?”
It seems a really strange thing to do, OP. Was she giving you your own things, or her things? Regifting and recycling can be fine, but “ giving” someone something that they already own isn’t a gift at all. It’s not theirs to give.
Have you discussed what she was thinking,what her thought process was? I think at some point you will have to explain to her that she can’t just appropriate something that already belongs to the giftee and expect it to be considered a proper present, and that actually it’s quite hurtful that she couldn’t be bothered to organise an actual present for you, even if it was only something like chocolate, or cookies or a cake that she’d made.
If she doesn’t get it, then you’d have to do the same to her to make the point, but hopefully that won’t be necessary .

Whereas I would be mortified to have raised a 13 year old who thought it was acceptable to buy nothing for their parents.

It was a birthday present - it's in the title.

To be honest, I would be mortified if my son bought me a gift at age 13. In exchange, he is a good boy and respects me and we have a very good relationship.