DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

I'm glad you think it's hilarious, but I'd personally be really embarrassed to raise a 14 year old who didn't seem to have any idea of cultural norms and thought it was acceptable not to buy his parents even a token Christmas or birthday gift.

hahahahaha

Oh wow, I didn't realise that.

Chat GPT is pretty spot on here. OP has posted some thoughtful responses, so I don't think she's a horrible mum or anything, but I do think she needs to look at what she is asking of her daughter. A thoughtful gift has to come from her daughter when she is ready. Not from a demand from parents. Otherwise what's the point?

I don’t need a present from him to show me he cares. He shows me he cares 365 days of the year.

In my opinion he should do all those things and get you a gift. Hopefully he learns before he's old enough to get into a relationship...

The phrase ‘can’t buy my love’ comes to mind.
I’d rather get honest, respect and values over a gift just because the shops tell us it’s the right thing to do. Christmas gifting us fkr young children who believe in Santa, other than that, it’s a carnival of excess and overindulge that doesn’t deliver the promise it thrives on.

my son for example helps me out throughout the year running errands, taking up chores around the house, doing good behaviour at school, doing his homework, eating the food I prepare without fussiness. He writes thank you cards to the people who gift him things. I buy him what he needs and treats through the year and a few Xmas gifts. I give him pocket money and let him go out with friends. He has a
mobile phone and a curfew which he respects.

I don’t need a present from him to show me he cares. He shows me he cares 365 days of the year.

Not necessarily, I remember giving my mum some really shitty presents when I was a teenager. One year I gave her a bottle of random face toner that had come free with a purchase of moisturiser that I had made for myself 😳 pretty sure she sussed me out as she wasn’t impressed at all!

I’m in my 30s now and things are very different - because I’ve grown up. This year she is getting a diamond necklace that I spent weeks designing myself, tickets to an opera that she’s been wanting to see, plus some small stocking fillers that I know she will like.

I think OP is overreacting to be ‘very upset’ but she doesn’t need to pretend she is thrilled with the gift either. If the DD realises that she’s fallen short of expectations, she learn eventually.

I think you’re doing great. Teenagers can be selfish, developing brains and all that, but they can also be pulled up on selfish behaviour so they don’t grow into selfish adults.
You talked to your child, child listened, you both came to a suitable compromise. Win win. Child learned she can’t treat her mother poorly just because her mother loves her. Fab.

@caringcarer she had money left over because she was able to buy cinema tickets.

@Queenofthejabs personally I was always expected to budget for gifts - I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation for an almost 14 year old.

OP hasn't said she expects an expensive gift - just something a bit more thoughtful than a 3 year old re-gifted present.

This. It sounds like she's blown her budget on Xmas gifts then remembered she was supposed to get you a birthday gift too.

I think it’s one to gently explain - perhaps giving her an example of if you had regifted one of the things in the house to her instead of choosing something more original and using the money to buy yourself a nice treat instead. It may be that she saw the item as hers to give, but I think you can still explain to her that it came across as unthoughtful and selfish. You have a relatively short window to make the point, then move on and enjoy the rest of Christmas!

I think it depends. Personally at that age I’d never expect my child to spend their own money on me, I’d have given extra for the gifts. And I’d certainly not have told her how much to spend.

however if the op said here is a tenner for my birthday and a tenner for my Xmas, extra, then yes she should have bought it.

My sister used to do this at a similar age, maybe a bit younger. Admittedly nobody gave her money to buy presents (early 90s).

She even had a name for it - 'Home Presents'. She'd hunt around and wrap up our stuff for us. I remember getting my hairbrush wrapped up one year. It's one of those things we laugh about at get togethers now.

Seeing as the OP's DD was given a budget it's probably worth a conversation about what happened to the money but I'm guessing it's poor budgeting skills which is a learning opportunity. If she spent a chunk of the money on things she wasn't supposed to then I'd be cross.

@Queenofthejabs hmm, I'm not so sure about that.

I agree a clarification would be helpful, but either way her daughter didn't bother to buy her a gift when she could afford to do so - if she can now apparently afford cinema tickets, she could have bought her mum some chocolates or flowers.

I think the op needs to clarify. Because to me a budget and the clear words of I didn’t give her extra, say the op told her daughter how much she had to spend on her and it had to come out the child’s money,

I read this as though the Christmas money was given so that she could buy gifts for her everyone, including a birthday gift for her mum:

She had a budget from me for Christmas shopping (including my birthday) and I know she has spent a lot of care and love on buying presents for her aunt and her school friends.

But either way, her behaviour is not acceptable. She still chose to keep some of the money for herself instead of spending it on a gift for her mum.

I’m sorry but you are wrong, she didn’t give her extra, she wants it out her pocket money and money she’s been gifted. She specifically states, she doesn’t get extra.

She has an allowance and has to budget from that: she doesn’t get additional money, but there was certainly enough money in the pot between her Christmas money and her allowance for her to buy me a card or a small gift

Precisely. She could have made a craft for under £5 from the Works etc.

She’s 13. Tough age. I’d not make a big deal out of it. As someone said make light: gosh these look familiar thank you, then move on. You’ll have lots of years when she grows up to enjoy lovely gifts.

It's in one of the updates so easy to miss I think!

She clearly had money left over as she can apparently afford to pay for cinema tickets, so I think her behaviour is pretty poor, to be honest. She absolutely deserved to be called out for it.

... and with a son hitting mum up for money because he can't budget.

Ah ok, I missed that,,,