Page 2 | DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

Thepeopleversuswork · 2024-12-22T08:42:40+00:00

I’m really upset but not sure if I am overreacting or how to handle. DD (13) has just presented me with two regifted presents: they are both things she made to be fair and they are lovely but they have been in our home for three years one of them was sitting on my desk for a few weeks. They are very familiar to me. She had a budget from me for Christmas shopping (including my birthday) and I know she has spent a lot of care and love on buying presents for her aunt and her school friends. I don’t have a problem with regifting in principle but I think giving someone a household object they see every day and presenting it as a birthday present is a real fuck you. I am really quite upset but I am not sure if I am overreacting and need to find a way to handle it without being really grabby or consumerist and insisting on expensive stuff.

Maggiethecat · 23/12/2024 16:16

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 14:45

Calm down 😂

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100% agree with @InkHeart2024.
We are easily raising children to be self entitled and selfish, pandering to their needs and pretending to expect nothing in return.

mathanxiety · 23/12/2024 16:08

I don't think you're overreacting.

Tell her you feel her gesture was a real "fuck you" amd if she didnt feel you were worth the thought or the effort, she should have said that and had a conversation with you as to why. Don't mince words.

Pomegranatecarnage · 23/12/2024 15:22

OP, YANBU. My DD didn’t buy me a birthday present one year (aged 19)- she just couldn’t be bothered. Not even a card! I had spent a huge amount on her over the past few years, and this was a sign to me that she was taking me for granted. I wanted to teach her that this wasn’t nice, and that if she did this in future to partners it wouldn’t be well-received. I had strong words with her about how hurtful it was. It has actually strengthened our relationship.

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 15:21

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 15:14

It's not the daughter's job to build the self esteem of the mother, no: that's what I meant. In my opinion, of course.

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Showing appreciation is hardly the same as building self esteem. How are you making such a reach?

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 15:20

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 14:44

Well she is only 13, plenty of time to learn about that. My point is that I don't think her mother needs to worry because her daughter doesn't apreciate her (in my opinion, it's not her daughter's job anyway, but that's beyond the point I'm trying to make).

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It's not her daughter's job to appreciate her mother? What kind of mother-martyr are you?!

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/12/2024 15:16

Wow you got a bit of a kicking on here 🥲

At 14 dd is well old enough to know and go and get you something nice - esp in the fact you gave her a budget - what was it out of curiosity - for 5/6 adults plus any left over for friends

And she give you something you already had ffs

I would def be annoyed at this

My dd is 7. She went shopping with one of my friends with money I gave to get me stuff as was upset she didn't get my anything on Mother's Day as dh and I had split and he didn't take her (arse)

She had great fun last week picking stuff for me with my friend. It's not anything that really costly but just that dd chose it

She is 7 so needs help

Your dd is 14 so ca. go alone and didn't

Glad it is now sorted with cinema but I hope she also gets you something nice for Xmas

Smellies
Candle
Book
Photo frame
Slippers
Chocolate

Etx

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 15:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2024 15:04

@MsNeis

it’s not her daughters jobs to appreciate her mother? Why? Surely kids should they appreciate their parents?

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It's not the daughter's job to build the self esteem of the mother, no: that's what I meant. In my opinion, of course.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2024 15:06

topcat2014 · 23/12/2024 14:38

I tell my daughter she doesn't need to buy me anything. Certainly not with her own money.

By all accounts the Royal family give each other "joke" presents.

Make Christmas about people not stuff

@topcat2014

If Op needs to make Christmas about people rather than presents does this mean she can scale back on her daughters gifts this year?

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2024 15:04

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 14:44

Well she is only 13, plenty of time to learn about that. My point is that I don't think her mother needs to worry because her daughter doesn't apreciate her (in my opinion, it's not her daughter's job anyway, but that's beyond the point I'm trying to make).

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@MsNeis

it’s not her daughters jobs to appreciate her mother? Why? Surely kids should they appreciate their parents?

cuteyfluff · 23/12/2024 14:48

That's so shit
Wrap up a bath mat and give it to her for christmas

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 14:45

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 14:14

total nonsense. Do you think people buy/make gifts to buy the person's love?! Being secure in your mother's love is even more reason to show her some appreciation, not a reason to overlook her FFS. What kind of selfish brats are you people raising?!

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Calm down 😂

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 14:44

Maggiethecat · 23/12/2024 14:07

@MsNeis - Secure in mother’s love is good but she also needs to learn how to show love and care to those she loves and who love her.

Can you imagine her treating a future partner like this?

Well she is only 13, plenty of time to learn about that. My point is that I don't think her mother needs to worry because her daughter doesn't apreciate her (in my opinion, it's not her daughter's job anyway, but that's beyond the point I'm trying to make).

Original poster

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/12/2024 14:43

topcat2014 · 23/12/2024 14:38

I tell my daughter she doesn't need to buy me anything. Certainly not with her own money.

By all accounts the Royal family give each other "joke" presents.

Make Christmas about people not stuff

I take the point about “stuff” and in principle I agree but (and I feel like I have been over this numerous times on this thread), it’s not really about the stuff… it’s about the lack on consideration.

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 23/12/2024 14:38

I tell my daughter she doesn't need to buy me anything. Certainly not with her own money.

By all accounts the Royal family give each other "joke" presents.

Make Christmas about people not stuff

happycolahappychildren · 23/12/2024 14:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 14:14

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 13:55

To me it shows that she is very secure in her mother's love that she knows she doesn't need to make the effort for her. I know to many of you this will sound bonkers or like a cheap excuse, but I truly believe this.
The fact that a child, a teenager at that, overworries with gifts for her mother to me signals something not necessarily good (not saying that if your child gifts you something thoughtful you should worry!). This 13 year old is certainly not worried about disapointing her mother, and that speaks very well about their bond imo.

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total nonsense. Do you think people buy/make gifts to buy the person's love?! Being secure in your mother's love is even more reason to show her some appreciation, not a reason to overlook her FFS. What kind of selfish brats are you people raising?!

WhatNoRaisins · 23/12/2024 14:11

There's surely some balance between being terrified of a loved ones disapproval and so secure in a relationship that you feel it's ok to treat them poorly.

Maggiethecat · 23/12/2024 14:07

@MsNeis - Secure in mother’s love is good but she also needs to learn how to show love and care to those she loves and who love her.

Can you imagine her treating a future partner like this?

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2024 14:02

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 13:55

To me it shows that she is very secure in her mother's love that she knows she doesn't need to make the effort for her. I know to many of you this will sound bonkers or like a cheap excuse, but I truly believe this.
The fact that a child, a teenager at that, overworries with gifts for her mother to me signals something not necessarily good (not saying that if your child gifts you something thoughtful you should worry!). This 13 year old is certainly not worried about disapointing her mother, and that speaks very well about their bond imo.

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@MsNeis

surely it’s a good thing for her to be a bit worried about disappointing her mother with such a rubbish gift? Like just cos it’s her mother doesn’t mean mother isn’t a person too worthy of some thought and consideration.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2024 14:01

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 10:43

What a load of bollocks!

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@Queenofthejabs

Lol this girl is not gonna be scarred for life and no contact with her mum cos her mum didn’t act overjoyed at receiving a shit present!!!

and where exactly do you think she’s gonna “run to” when she turns 18??

MsNeis · 23/12/2024 13:55

TwilightCat · 22/12/2024 08:49

It does show a lack of care. Presumably she ran out of money buying for other people, didn’t know what to do about your birthday, and thought ‘I know, I made these so I’ll just re-give them’. It would feel a bit crap like you weren’t worth the effort to plan for and that a lazy afterthought is good enough.

To me it shows that she is very secure in her mother's love that she knows she doesn't need to make the effort for her. I know to many of you this will sound bonkers or like a cheap excuse, but I truly believe this.
The fact that a child, a teenager at that, overworries with gifts for her mother to me signals something not necessarily good (not saying that if your child gifts you something thoughtful you should worry!). This 13 year old is certainly not worried about disapointing her mother, and that speaks very well about their bond imo.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 23/12/2024 11:18

Queenofthejabs · 23/12/2024 09:52

Oh op. You’re not behaving well at all. Do you often treat her like this? I’m going to guess this is not isolated. That girl is going to get to 18 and run. And not look back, it is death by a thousand cuts.

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Bullshit.

InkHeart2024 · 23/12/2024 10:43

Queenofthejabs · 23/12/2024 09:52

Oh op. You’re not behaving well at all. Do you often treat her like this? I’m going to guess this is not isolated. That girl is going to get to 18 and run. And not look back, it is death by a thousand cuts.

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What a load of bollocks!

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/12/2024 10:35

LinnettdeBelleforte · 23/12/2024 09:48

I totally agree. Also her deadbeat dad.

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I hadn't even picked up that she had to buy from this budget for her deadbeat dad

Which is worse. Having to pick which friends are "less important" than the man who had essentially abandoned her

Maggiethecat · 23/12/2024 10:29

Remarkable the number of people on here who seem to think that a13 yo passing off a gift lying around for years is ok and that the child shouldn’t be drawn up on it.