DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

Pathetic

I absolutely agree with this.

You think your child is saying "Fuck you" to you? Sounds like you need to work out why you feel like that and why you've allowed her to think those were appropriate presents. It's a learning opportunity for her.

@OneAmplePearlKoala

wrong! Lots of adults like to celebrate their birthday, it’s not just another day for them. And why shouldn’t they?!

Here we go, parenting by committee. Fun times.

My 13yo dc never worked and never earned, so they could not give presents to me, or aunts or anything. There was also no exchange of Christmas presents with their schoolmates as they did not earn. For birthday presents of their mates we gave them money and they would buy them. I am the main breadwinner in the family and I never bought birthdays or Christmas gifts for dc, I paid their tuition fees with a great difficulty. Obviously I bought them what was needed, i.e. iPads, etc., skates, camping tents, but no gifts. They got gifts from grandparents and godparents, but not from us and we only got what they made with their hands during craft lessons, etc.

What an odd question!
What makes you think OP needs a parenting course?

Poor kid

You gave her money to buy presents so I would be wondering why she didn't spend any of it on you, and instead chose to wrap up something on your desk!

You did the right thing, OP, it's important to address things like that at this age to teach her for the future.

You have handled this really well OP. I have a child that age and would certainly feel the same. You have parented well in your conversation with her and now she wants to make amends so try to enjoy your time at that cinema together. It's good that she wants to make things right. She has hopefully got you a thoughtful Christmas present so scrimped on your birthday.

You’re not really going to make her pay for you to go to the cinema, are you? ?

Part of being a parent is to guide our children as they become adults, otherwise how will they know what the expectations are.

You are hurt, the conversation with her gives so you an understanding of each other and expectations going forward.

My DS’s didn't bother about Mothers Day as teens, one year. I was hurt, not in a materialistic way but in being appreciated through their time. A conversation has meant this hasn't happened again!

You’re the one person she can do it you because she’s knows you will still love her.

but that said I would feel just like you. Glad it’s resolved 💐

I agree with the poster who suggested that an aunt might be able to help in this situation. Suspect DD genuinely thinks this is ok (possibly because of things you’ve said that she’s interpreted in a particular way) or she’s run out of money. When you gave her the money were you explicit that it was for a birthday gift for you as well as the other people named?

As your birthday is 22 Dec I think it will be a long term investment in your relationship for you to make clear that you don’t expect it to be permanently a bit rubbish because it’s too near to Christmas!

By example. So showing appreciation for gifts

By supporting. So going with her shopping, helping her draw up a list of names and gift ideas, helping her budgeting etc

Not having a strop because she got a homemade gift

Of course it’s not hostile to have a chat about why it’s not really okay to wrap old crap up and pretend it’s a gift.

Also, I agree with PO that teenagers siphon off money wherever they can. I didn’t do anything nefarious with saved lunch money, but I did waste an awful lot of money on sweets instead of school lunches!

She's 13 not 3, she should know better.

You were right to call her out on it, OP. She was sloppy and lazy and preferred to spend the money on her friends instead. The trip to the cinema will benefit her too. I’d give her a taste of her own medicine at her next birthday.

Glad you spoke to her OP. She’s 13 and showed she is quite capable of thoughtful present buying so it must have hurt that the same thought wasn’t applied to you too. Enjoy your trip out later .

She’s 13, not 3! All this mollycoddling of a teenager that should absolutely know better. No wonder our younger generations are so wet behind the ears and unable to do anything for themselves.

And why is this forum so rife with competitive martyrdom? It’s ridiculous. It’s not wrong to expect a teenager to get off their arse and show some appreciation and care with a gift on special days. And yes, birthdays should be celebrated and acknowledged, even as an adult.

13 is still quite young. When I was that age, my present buying was done under the supervision (and paid for) by parents - with the exception of the gift for the other parent being supervised by the other one if you see what I mean.

Maybe its a sign she's not able yet to manage to budget and buy gifts on her own.

Personally I wouldn't be expecting a 13 year old without their own income to be given money and left to sort it out but I guess families are different.

I'm glad you spoke with her, OP, and she's apologised and is now treating you to something with you this evening.

She hadn't run out of money (that you gave her!); she didn't want to spend any of it on you.

Your daughter doesn't think you're an idiot though - she's 13, got it wrong and probably panicked!
My sister regifted some dusty old bath pearls (from the bathroom!) to my mum at a similar age. We both got pocket money but she must have ran out. Her priority was probably her friends and she still is very sociable with a lot of friendships. Although my mum places a lot of emphasis on gifting and is very generous, there was no big drama and it was laughed about. My sister happily grew up into a fairly normal person and became more thoughtful with time!